Trainwreck Interviews

Nuance is something Big Cat and PFT can't grasp

And I'm sure you guys are among the masses for which nuances. This this thing you can't grasp.

Fans don't belong on the court ever and players don't belong in the stands ever

my perspective is fans don't belong on the court ever. And players don't belong in the stands ever. That's, I don't think that's a controversial thing.

Big Cat doesn't know what 'disingenuous' means

Ingenuous means lying.

I'll come sprain Big Cat's knee and then he can tell me court storming is fine

Now he got hurt and it maybe the injury wasn't enough for you. So No, I'll come and I'll come and sprain your knee and then you claim that I'm fine.

I've never been a fan

I've never been a fan.

If court storming ended tomorrow, ratings and engagement would be exactly the same

I think if it ended tomorrow, we would see the same passion and the same ratings and the same level of engagement that we always see.

Would have tasered the dog that ran on a basketball court in Chile

I would've tasered the dog. And then euthanized the owner.

Would have 'clubbed that dog like a baby seal' to stop court storming

I would've clubbed that dog like a baby seal that all would've stopped.

I don't need an agreement to disagree — why can't we just disagree?

I've never understood what that means. Why can't we just disagree? I don't need an agreement to disagree.

I knew what 'disingenuous' meant in high school

No, I think what it meant is not only did you not know what disingenuous means, I did. But you did. You had to look it up. No, and that's not, didn't I actually knew what that meant when I was in high school.

How many people do you think you killed? What's your COVID count?

How many people do you think you killed? What's your count?

The COVID grandmother jokes are not funny

I mean, I know you guys are fucking around. I don't find that, that part funny. I really don't like--

I'll try to get you thrown in jail but I'll never make fun of your family

I'll try to get you in jail. I'll tell you that you're the biggest piece of shit ever, but I'll never make fun of your family.

The fragile nature of human life is not a headline grab

I know you guys are trying to have some fun. I just lost a really close friend two days ago. So when I say something like that and you take the smile off your face, a loss is a really tough thing. Trust me, I'll joke about a lot of stuff, especially if you watch Peacemaker, I'll joke about a ton of stuff. But if you're trying to get headline grabs, I don't think the fragile nature of human life is a headline grabs.

John Cena just threw us through the ring

John Cena just fucking threw us through the ring there. That was a Manville. I feel bad.

We went from belly button fucking to the nature of mortality in fifteen minutes

In the same conversation we've had in what, fifteen minutes, we had a laugh about me wanting to fuck your belly button, and we just got really serious about the nature of mortality. So don't say you can't act and don't say you can't get serious and then have jokes. We're doing it right now. This is happening in real time right now. And I'm dressed up like a damn DC superhero.

Ronnie Bullington drove my tour bus for 12 years and was an honorary member of the Cena family

His name was Ronnie Bullington. He drove my tour bus for twelve years. We lost him on Sunday, and he is an honorary member of the Cena family, having spent over ten Christmases at my house, forming wonderful bonds with my mom, my whole family. My nieces loved him. I'll always love him.

Don't try to get into a vocabulary conversation with me — you're not there yet

And don't try to get into a vocabulary conversation with me. You're not there yet.

I'll fight all three of you tomorrow at the same time — MMA rules

How about if I fight all three of you tomorrow? At the same time. But we do MMA. How's that?

I'm a six-four, 270-pound genetic freak — women want to breed with me just for the kids

She wanted to have, you know, my daughter's supermodel. So I breed super kids, obviously. I'm six foot four, 270 pound super athlete. So I'm a genetic freak. So I have, I've had plenty of women wanted to breed with me just for the kids.

Shot his own finger off while cleaning four guns at once

Cleaning four guns at once. Very quickly.

I'll take a dive tomorrow if you guarantee me A-Rod in the ring

If you guarantee me I can fight A-Rod here in Barstool, I will take a dive tomorrow. That's how bad I want that punk bitch.

'What kind of bullshit show is this?'

What kind of bullshit show is this?

Would have hit 760 home runs if he stayed healthy

Now, if you would have done my home runs per bat ratio over a 24-year-old period, I would have had 760 home runs if I would have stayed healthy.

Big Cat and PFT are just little intern peons — Hank is the real boss

Hank is the boss, people. Jake is the boss. These two are just a little intern peons. And I'm talking to these guys.

I know more about steroids than most doctors and endocrinologists

I know more about steroids than most doctors, most endocrinologists. Believe me when I tell you that.

Danger Talk is going to take over Pardon My Take

I'm not encroaching. I'm just going to take it over, man. I'm just going to take it over completely. Pardon my take.

Mr. Unlimited is a 'killer instinct mentality' and an 'alter ego'

Unlimited comes from this idea that... You know, you have to, you know, in the midst of a season, in the midst of life, you have to be able to, one, first of all, have fun and joke around. But I think also, too, you kind of got to have this killer instinct, you know, no matter what you do, you know, you kind of have got to have this other side of you. This is kind of the other side of me, you know, Mr. Unlimited, just that mentality, you know, that anything's possible.

I have a clutch gene that runs through my veins and strikes fear in the other team

You got to have a clutch gene. You got to have this clutch gene. You got to have that DNA where it runs through your veins and it runs through your team it runs through the emotion of the game and it runs through the other team's mind too as well.

When I walk on the field I feel like Michael Jordan or Derek Jeter stepping up to the plate

It's like Michael Jordan or a certain Derek Jeter comes up to the plate. The guy on second base, you feel like he's always going to knock him in. I feel like that every time I walk up to the plate. I feel like that every time I walk up to the field.

You just humble-answered me — that's exactly what we asked you not to do

All right, but you're fucking awesome. You just humble answered me. You just did the same thing.

The Super Bowl loss changed my career for the better — that's where being unlimited comes from

I think it changed my career for the better in terms of how I overcome obstacles, how I come through situations, how I get ready and be fully prepared. That was a critical moment, and I think that's where that alter ego kind of comes up a little bit. You've got to be a little bit unlimited when everybody else is telling you you're not this, you're not that.

The Super Bowl interception doesn't pop into my head anymore — I've trained my brain

It doesn't really pop in my head. I think, I think, I think the first year it pops in your head almost every day. Um, but I think, you know, now, um, you know, for me, I've trained my, I've trained, I've trained my, I've trained my brain every day to know that man, stuff's going to happen, man.

When you launch a 60-yard deep ball on the road and the whole crowd goes silent, there's this peace

One of my favorite things when you're playing on the road and everybody's booing you, everybody's screaming and the whole crowd noise and all that stuff's going on. And then you got a guy going down the sideline, you launch this 60 yard deep go ball and the whole crowd goes, yeah. And there's this pause and moment in time where the ball's spinning down in the air, and boom, he catches it.

The Rose Bowl field feels like a par five golf green

the sun's just going down and the field feels like a golf course it feels like a par five right on the green

Phil Knight told me after the Rose Bowl I'd be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time

sure enough phil knight comes out right in front of me and he goes oh man nice game russell i want to make you a nike athlete one day when you're ready to play in the nfl and i think you're going to be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time

Bloggers are basement-dwelling scam artists who need twelve articles to cover rent

The bloggers and those guys, once you realize the pressure that they're under -- they got to sell like twelve articles to still live in their mother's basement. I just think that they got a scam going.

Deuce Bigalow did not ruin America

I wouldn't say America's fucked because of that. I wouldn't describe it that way.

Deuce Bigalow was the second highest-grossing DVD behind only The Green Mile

It was the second most highest-grossing DVD, only slightly below, like a few hundred thousand dollars below, like Green Mile. So it's like Green Mile, Deuce Bigalow, Mission Impossible. Holy shit. So that was gigantic.

You guys are over 30 and no longer your own audience

You guys are over 30. You're no longer your audience. I want to go with the 14-year-olds.

Maybe everything isn't going to work out -- let go of these unrealistic dreams

Maybe everything isn't gonna work out. That's where you want to be, man. You gotta let go at that point, man. You don't hold onto these unrealistic dreams.

Those are tens -- your trainer has been lying to you

Are those tens? Your trainer's been lying to you. I don't think these are 25s.

I already talked about the push-off — let's talk about a woman or the Keystone pipeline

No, I done said all of that already. Let's talk about something else. What are you going to talk about? A woman or the Keystone pipeline. What do y'all think about that?

What's the shades on inside for? I can't say what that makes me think

What's the shades on inside for? It make me think, you know what it make me think. I can't say what it make me think.

You guys are too uptight for me — you need to relax

You might need to relax a little bit. You guys are too uptight for me.

I have an African gray parrot named Lisa and she was about to start talking during this interview

I have an African gray named Lisa. And if you're not careful with, she's going to say something. My son, KJ, just moved her over there because she's about to start talking.

Coach Sloan's pick-and-roll instruction: 'slap dicks'

As my Coach Sloan would say, get some fucking meat on the guy, would you? Slap dicks. That's what Coach Sloan used to say.

Competitive fire is like that old pimple on your ass that you can't get

You know that old pimple on your ass that you can't get but it's just right under the surface? That's our fuse bird. We're just right there.

Big Cat is not a real wrestling fan because he didn't actually wrestle

Don't try to say you're a wrestling fan. You didn't wrestle. I'm trained. I live my dreams.

You got a fetish with The Last Dance?

What, you got a fetish with the last dance?

I'm a blue-blooded American — I don't have to do a documentary if I don't want to

Because I'm a blue-blooded American, and I say I don't want to do it, David, I don't have to do it.

Nobody is lining up to learn about Karl Malone — go watch Tiger King or some shit

I don't think there's nobody lining up out there wanting to know about Carl Malone, so why boring with that? Let's watch the Tiger King or some shit like that.

Rockin' Refuel is a great product

Yeah, I'm here with Rockin' Refuel, man. It's a great product. I started using it about two years ago.

Rockin' Refuel's high protein is essential for intense off-season training

The biggest thing for me is high on protein, man. And for me, I need that when I start my off-season training because, you know, I go all out. So I need that high protein to [revive] my muscles.

Rockin' Refuel tastes great and doesn't have that chalky feeling

And the biggest thing for me, it tastes great. It's not that chalky feeling when you're drinking what you get out of a lot of protein drinks.

You can eat after drinking Rockin' Refuel because it doesn't fill you up — overall an unbelievable product

And you don't have that full feeling, so you can actually eat after you drink this. So it just overall is a great product, and it's unbelievable.

Drinking Rockin' Refuel without working out will make you put on a lot of weight

You put on a lot of weight if you just not work out with all that protein. So I think you have to do a little bit of something.

If you drink enough protein your arms get inflated with fat and you look like you've been working out

I'm a big protein guy because a lot of times if you just drink enough protein, your arms get kind of inflated with all the fat. You wear a tight shirt, and then you look like you've been working out. So anyway, even if you're not a big workout guy, I think that there's something in this for you.

Rockin' Refuel will get you jacked, but it might be a different kind of jacked

You get jacked, but it might be a different kind of jack.

Rockin' Refuel is my go-to protein drink for high-intensity off-season training and it helps me recover fast

I'm here with Rockin' Refuel, man. My go-to protein drink when I'm in my high-intensity training in the off-season. My drink, because it's high in protein, it [refuels] my muscles. It helps me recover fast.

Rockin' Refuel has 30 grams of protein

30 grams.

Steak also has a lot of protein

You know what else has a lot of protein? ...I was saying steak has a lot of protein.

This is the year the Cubs are having the most fun

This is the year that we're having the most fun. I guarantee you that. We're having a lot of fun, guys.

We're confident in the guys we're going into battle with and if we do the same thing as the regular season, things might turn out pretty good

I don't see that at all happening. I know that we're confident in the abilities that we have. I know that we're confident in the guys that we're going into battle with, so I think we do the same thing that we do during the regular season, and things might turn out pretty good.

To dominate in October you need the right training and preparation — that's why I partnered with MetRx

All right, so basically looking toward this next month in October, it's a pretty intense, pressure-packed month for baseball. And to dominate during this time of the year, you need the right training and the right preparation. You know, I think that's key. So I partnered with Metrics because they understand that they need athletes, premier athletes, and they help you train and get to the next level.

Most likely Cub to ground into a double play besides Jason Heyward

I would say myself.

I can't remember a single dirty joke Joe Maddon has told me

Can't remember that.

I'm the best dancer on the Cubs — Rizzo is a liar

Oh, if he told you that himself, he's a lion.

I believe in ghosts but I don't believe in curses

I believe in ghosts, too, but I don't believe in curses at all.

The Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee is haunted

The Pfister Hotel is haunted.

Dak clearly didn't want to be interviewed — you'll see

Let's just say, Dak, I think he was okay. He just clearly didn't want to be interviewed. And then, well, you'll see.

I had no idea Dakota Rain was a porn star

No, I didn't know that.

Jerry Jones is great and nobody dislikes him

Jerry Jones is a great owner. I don't think he'll find anybody that works or plays for the Dallas Cowboys that dislikes Jerry Jones. He's great.

I don't know who Chris Christie is

I'm not sure who the second person is, but I've never been in the box.

Chris Christie is a larger man, usually wearing baseball pants

The former governor of New Jersey. He's a larger man. He's usually wearing baseball pants.

I don't have any questions for you guys

No, I don't.

The hardest part about being a pro athlete is that it's a job

I mean, it's a job. We work strenuous hours. Watching film, putting what we put our body through. I think sometimes they think, oh, they just get to play a game that they love. It's a kid's game, but it's a business, and it's treated that way.

If I wasn't playing football I'd be promoting Ready Raise Rise full-time

Maybe something like I'm doing today, knowing how near and dear cancer is in my heart. Maybe it's just continue to promote Ready Raise Rise and figuring out a way to try to defeat this cancer.

Gray is my favorite color — all different shades of gray

Gray. Yeah, gray. All different shades of gray.

Gray might be the craziest answer Dak has given all interview

That actually might be the craziest answer you've given. That's gray? What? Gray?

Dak forgot to hang up -- told his publicist the interview was 'terrible'

The best part about the Dak Prescott interview was when we finished the interview, we said, okay, see you later. And he didn't hang up. And then his PR person was like, hey, how'd that go, Dak? And he just goes, Terrible. They asked me about a porn star.

Dan Marino didn't like us — he's not a real friendly guy

Let's just say Dan Marino didn't like us. He's not a real friendly guy.

Marino hated us and almost got stuck climbing into our van

I think he hated us. Probably because we had him climb into our van. He almost got stuck in the van. But Dan Marino, I don't think, is used to stepping into vans to do interviews. He's more of like a luxury studio guy.

I've never done an interview in the back of a van

I've never done an interview in the back of a van, but that's cool.

Have you ever been on tape in the back of a van?

You ever been on tape in the back of a van?

Oh, that's a lead-in, right?

Oh, that's a lead-in, right?

I guess 'pure passer' means I throw better than anybody? I guess?

Yeah. I guess I throw better than anybody. You got that spiral? How's that? Yeah, I guess. Got that nice, tight, tight spiral? I guess that's what it's supposed to mean.

Retired QBs aren't secretly happy when their replacements stink — I'm a Dolphin for life

No, you know what? That's no. I'm a dolphin for life. I always wanted them to do well. I really did.

I've only pet a dolphin once — took my kids swimming with dolphins in Key West

I think I was, I took my kids once swimming with the dolphins in Key West. And I think I was, yeah, one time. Just once?

Are you the most talented NFL player to ever wear Isotoner gloves?

Would you say that you are the most talented NFL player, like, between the sidelines, to wear Isotoner gloves?

Don't ask that question

Don't ask that question. Don't ask that question.

I don't know who Marlins Man is

I don't know him, but now it hit me.

One-word exit: 'Yeah'

Yeah.

I don't agree with homosexuality — I don't make the rules, I just follow the Bible

I don't agree with homosexuality. So that's, you know, that's living as a Christian. I don't make the rules. I just try to follow the rules that God said, according to the Bible.

I've had homosexuals at my house and we're cool

I've had homosexuals at my house that are friends and we're cool. So it's not a matter of me not being able to get along with anybody and be friendly with people.

You're on a pro-gay podcast right now

You're on a pro-gay podcast right now.

The best way to oppose gay marriage is to simply not get gay married

So you've kind of adopted the mindset, like, you're not for gay marriage, and so you're going to show that by not getting gay married. But people around you, if they get married to somebody, like, then that's fine, in your opinion?