Takes

Soap can't get dirty because it cleans itself

My friend uses a bar of soap to clean his ass crack and uses it the next day on his whole body... He says soap can't get dirty, so it's fine. [Hank says] He's right. You're wrong. It's like soap cleans itself all the time because it's layers.

NASA is only calling Pluto 'not a planet' to stay in the news

That was such a fucking classic. Is Pluto a planet? That was a classic NASA, like, we don't have enough shit to do, so we're going to make Pluto not a planet, and then in a few months we're going to be like, actually, just kidding, it is a planet... NASA likes to keep their name in the press.