Takes

Kyle Schwarber used steroids to recover from his ACL injury in six months

Kyle Schwarber... Been doing a little literature research... I was reading an interview with a doctor from April. He said there's very, very, very, very little chance he comes back. He would need a superhuman recovery to make it back for the World Series... Literature research says Kyle Schwarber's on steroids.

Bartolo Colon is back on steroids because he hit a long home run

My witch hunt is it's pretty obvious. Bartolo Colon is back on steroids after he jacked that dinger like that went to like the 12th row. That was no small dinger. That was like a legit shot.

Jake Arrieta is 'juicing through his eyeballs'

I think Jake Arrieta is a classic case of juicing through his eyeballs. If you look at the facts on Jake Arrieta real quick, he wasn't very good early in his career and now he's super good. What do they all have in common [with A-Rod]? You guessed it: using a lot of steroids.