PMT DB
PMT DB
Blake Bortles on NFL Handshakes, JJ Watt Moans, and Hair Plugs
Big Cat and PFT Commenter are coming off a wild Kentucky Derby weekend where PFT actually managed to walk away with some cash by betting on Nyquist. While Big Cat’s portfolio diversification led to his usual OTB blackout and immediate loss, the focus quickly shifted to the diamond where the Cubs are currently terrorizing the league. PFT is so convinced of their dominance that he’s essentially calling the season right now.
PFT CommenterThe 2016 Cubs are the best team in MLB history and will sweep the World Series
I think this might be the best baseball team in the history of Major League Baseball, and I think that there's no chance that anything bad could happen to them this year. Like, they're going to cruise. I think it's going to be four-game sweep in the World Series.
Speaking of the Cubs, they walked Bryce Harper seven times in a single game, leading to a massive debate about whether it's "weak" or just smart baseball. PFT took it a step further by questioning Harper's own toughness for not lunging at a pitch-out like a real man would.
PFT CommenterBryce Harper is a coward for taking intentional walks instead of swinging at pitch-outs
I actually think that Bryce Harper is a coward for not swinging at any of those pitches. Say what you want about Vlad Guerrero, but the guy would take a cut at a pitch out. My question is, if Harper doesn't like it so much, why does he put a stop to it and just take a running start and just groove one of the meatballs that's thrown outside?
Blake Bortles: The People's Quarterback
Blake Bortles joined the show and immediately solidified his status as a friend of the program. After confirming that the viral Jaguars fan lady from the stands is basically just every other person you see at a Florida mall, he talked about the Jaguars "winning" the draft and his excitement for the upcoming season. He isn't shying away from the hype surrounding Jacksonville this year.
Blake BortlesThe Jaguars are definitely going to make some noise this season
I think we're definitely going to make some noise. Yeah, you know... we're looking forward to making some noise this year.
One of the best revelations from the interview was Blake’s insight into what happens when the cameras zoom in on quarterbacks meeting at midfield after a game. It turns out those deep conversations are usually just fake smiles and handshakes because they know the photo is being taken. He also gave us a terrifying mental image of what it’s like to have the league’s most intense defensive end chasing you down.
Blake BortlesJJ Watt grunts and moans while chasing quarterbacks
No, [JJ Watt] is not a big talker at all. Like it's kind of – you kind of just – you hear him like grunting and moaning behind you as he's coming. He just makes noises, really.
Blake also leans into the fact that his name sounds exactly like what a franchise QB should be named. He admitted that if he was named "Matt Bortles," he probably wouldn't be starting in the NFL.
Blake BortlesMy alliterative name is a huge reason for my success
It's a huge part of my success and a big reason why I kind of am where I am today. [Matt Bortles or Ted Bortles] nowhere near it – no, not even close.
We also got into the nitty-gritty of Blake's personal grooming and off-field habits. From his Beef 'O' Brady’s MVP trophy currently sitting in his parents' garage to his struggle with early-onset hair loss, nothing was off-limits. Big Cat offered some veteran advice on how to handle the receding hairline by leaning into the Larry David look to become un-roastable.
Big CatBlake Bortles should embrace male pattern baldness to avoid being hated
You need to let it go. Go full male pattern baldness. If you have a quarterback who has beautiful hair and is ascending and a great quarterback, people are going to come and start hating you. If you have a hilarious male pattern baldness, if you look like Larry David and you're an NFL quarterback... who's going to make fun of you?
Guys Talking Guys and Witch Hunts
The show debuted a new segment called "Guys Talking Guys," focusing on the dying breed of the "Newspaper Guy." These are the guys who still use flip phones, hate bloggers, and treat airline delays like a personal affront to their profession.
Big CatNewspaper guys only use Twitter to complain at airlines
Newspaper guys also love to complain about airlines. That's actually, like, the only reason newspaper guys have Twitter accounts, so that they can tweet at the airlines. And also, all their Twitter accounts, it's their stock photo from the newspaper picture day in 1992.
In this week's Witch Hunt, the spotlight fell squarely on Bartolo Colon. After the Mets pitcher launched a historic home run, PFT was convinced that the only explanation was a return to the juice. Big Cat, however, thinks Bartolo should get a pass under the "Use It, Don't Abuse It" law.
Big CatBartolo Colon is allowed to do steroids because he never goes to the gym
Bartolo Colon, though, he absolutely falls under our pardon my take, use it, don't abuse it steroid law because there's no way he goes to a gym. So if he wants to do steroids, he can do steroids as far as I'm concerned.
The show wrapped up with a round of spoilers for movies that have been out for decades, because if you haven't seen Space Jam by now, that's on you.
Big CatMichael Jordan and the Looney Tunes beat the Monstars at the end of Space Jam
The spoiler is that Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes beat the Monstars in the end.
Just remember to check the roof next time you lose a friend in Las Vegas.
