Takes

I'm going to 'shock the world' and win the Masters this week.

I say we shock the world to win the thing. I've been thinking a lot about it. I feel like not winning's less fun than winning. So I'm kind of just gonna go for it.

The Final Four should always be played in Indianapolis

The Final Four should always be in Indianapolis. It should be its forever home. They make it such a big event. They care about basketball to a level that it's the only thing that's going on. You could feel it. New Orleans and Indianapolis are the only two... when the Final Four is in Indianapolis, that is the thing. It's the perfect place for it.

The Eagles are running a coordinated attack on Jalen Hurts to prepare for moving on from him

This is a coordinated attack... they're trying to get ready, get everyone ready for a move that's coming to get rid of Jalen Hurts. Because it did feel like a, 'Hey, we're not, we're getting everyone ready in the mindset.' We're basically giving you ammo so when this happens, you could say, 'Aha, it was because of all this.'

AJ Brown will be traded to the New England Patriots

[AJ Brown is] gone no matter what... New England. [In my] unbiased mind, he's still gone.

AJ Brown will be traded after June 1st

I've thought AJ Brown was probably going for a while now. I think it's just gonna, he's just gonna get traded after June 1st.

Victor Wembanyama should win the NBA MVP

I think we should become a pro Wemby for MVP podcast. Oh, I mean we are... I really like Wemby for MVP because he has played enough games.

The Celtics will play the Sixers in the first round of the playoffs

It right now it would be Knicks Celtics second round, right. You know who's gonna be first round Celtics? Possibly Sixers. It will be Celtics Sixers.

Duke was the best team in the country and should have easily won the tournament

I said on this show a month ago, Duke was the best team in the country and they should easily win the, the NCAA tournament. They were similar to last year's team... I will be front of the line saying, guys, I fucked up. You got it wrong.

Duke players suffered severe concussions from the UNC court-storming earlier in the season

I think it's also important to remember that Duke likely had several players that were suffering from severe concussions after the storming of the court that UNC had against them... it's sad that they were forced to continue playing for the rest of the season after such a violent act happened to 'em.

Arizona is the best team in the country

Arizona just showing that they are probably the best team in the country because they absolutely whooped Arkansas.

Paul Skenes is broken after the World Baseball Classic

Paul Skenes is broken... World Baseball Classic hot seat broke him.

I am going to do a 72-hour fast to reset my system

I'm thinking about doing a 72 hour fast... People help me out. Let me know if I can do a 72 hour fast... I wanna test myself. Can I stop my addiction to food for 48 hours? Probably not.

Tom Brady never processed 9/11 because he was such a psycho about football

He just had delayed onset grief. Anything that happened during his playing career, he never processed any of it outside of football. Tom Brady probably never processed 9/11. He was such a psycho, all he cared about was football. He probably found out about it like two years ago.

Tom Brady could still throw for 4,000 yards and 30 touchdowns in the NFL right now

Tom Brady... It's football. They had the flag football event this past weekend. Tom Brady played in it. I mean, he could go out next year in the league and probably get 4,000 yards, 30 touchdowns.

High Point is not a real school; it is a four-year post-high school vacation

High Point isn't a real school. It's vacation. It's vacation use four years of post high school vacation... Students in Madison right now still have another like, solid month and a half of Winter. High Point is going and eating ice cream and in their shorts and flip flops and having steaks.

Joel Embiid is the only athlete who gets clowned for being injured

Is Joel Embiid the only athlete in the history of sports that like gets clowned for being [injured]... For some reason Joelle em Bead always gets hurt and it's like, ha ha ha ha. What a great athlete that's can't stay healthy. Let's laugh in his face. I don't, he's the only athlete ever that, that anyone does that.

Miami of Ohio 100% deserves to be in the NCAA Tournament despite their first-round loss

I think a hundred percent they should be in. We need to just focus on the fact that there, I believe 31 and one and not do anything about strength of schedule. If you're able to go an entire season without losing a game that's hard to just wake up every day and not stumble once. I wanna see what happens when they play their first quad win one game in the middle of March.

The Ravens failed Max Crosby's physical intentionally to pivot to Trey Hendrickson

It's almost like they had it ready to go. They pivot to Trey Hendrickson. It feels like they had, by the letter of the law, they had the ability to fail [Crosby] for the physical because he's not ready to play. Technically the Ravens didn't break any rules, they just used it to get someone better that just came available.

Mark DeRosa intentionally threw the game to Team Italy because of his Italian heritage

A lot of people were talking about, the last name [DeRosa] is Italian. Very Italian. And he seemed to throw this game to Italy. I'm just saying connect the dots. Paesan.

The Washington Wizards are the ones who deserve credit for Bam Adebayo's 83 points

My take is that 83 should mostly be given credit to the Washington Wizards. It should be like the Wizards allowed one man to score 83 points against them on this day. The Wizards showing up to cities and playing basketball games should not be tolerated by those cities.

I will charge the mound if my teammate Seth Lugo hits me with a pitch

I've got Puerto Rico on Saturday and I believe I'm facing a teammate in Seth Lugo. If he hits me, I'm gonna charge the mound. So, we'll get a little Royals on Royals fight.

The Arnold Palmer umbrella logo exists because Palmer saw a woman getting out of a car with an umbrella and got horny

Arnold Palmer stood up and then he looked outside. He saw a really hot chick getting out of the car and she had an umbrella and he's like, 'fellas, I've got it: umbrellas. We gotta do umbrellas.' So he just got horny. He got horny for a chick he happened to see and he's like, 'we're doing umbrellas.'

DJ Moore would not have had a 1,000-yard season if he stayed in the Bears' offense

He could have a thousand yards [with the Bills] and be like, wow. How, how could you trade him? He wouldn't have had a thousand yards in this Bear's offense.

I Show Speed is globally more famous than Donald Trump

I do think that I Show Speed is globally more famous than Donald Trump... between the ages of five and like 37 is four makes up 48% of the globe. And I think a overwhelming majority of them definitely know who Speed is... I think Speed might [have] 4.1 [billion people] dude. I'll give 4.1 just for sake of argument.

If Tom Izzo makes this year's Final Four, I will admit I was wrong about him being overrated for the last 10 years.

I think it just feels like it's Izzo. He's gonna go out in the Final Four. He's gonna get there. This is for whether or not he's overrated or not. I will admit that I was wrong. I had 10 years of being wrong about Tom Izzo if they make it to this Final Four.

Joe Schoen is effectively fired if he has to publicly clarify that he hasn't been fired

If you ever have to describe the fact that, like, by the way, I'm not fired. You're pretty much fired. Right? Nobody has ever said, 'Hey, just so you know, technically I'm not fired,' and then they got an extension after that.

Malik Willis will be traded to the Arizona Cardinals

I speculated before... regarding Malik Willis to Arizona.

The Minnesota Vikings are a likely landing spot for Kyler Murray if Arizona moves on

I'm curious to see if Minnesota checks that [Kyler Murray] out. That could be interesting, right? You look so short in purple.

Norway shouldn't count in the Winter Olympic medal standings because they invented all the sports

Norway's like the friend that's like, 'Hey, do you want to come to my house and play all my video games and I'll beat you at all of them?' That's what Norway does. If you take out Norway, which you should, we [the US] dominated these Olympics.

The Super Bowl should just rotate back and forth between Las Vegas and New Orleans permanently

No city should bend over backwards to try to get a Super Bowl if they're not already capable of handling it... The Super Bowl should at this point just be Vegas back and forth. New Orleans. Vegas. I'd be fine with that.

The Olympics should have a permanent home in Hammond, Indiana, to avoid wasting money and time zone issues

Just build a permanent Olympics in Hammond, Indiana... every time they do the Olympics, if you look at, you know, Rio and all these places, it just becomes a waste of money... I don't like the Olympics when it's not in our time zone.

Andrew Hill will win Olympic gold in short track speed skating because everyone else will crash

We got one American left in the competition. Eagles fan, Bucks County. Andrew Hill. ... We're gonna be rooting for Andrew Hill. He's 18 to one. ... Survive the crashes. But yeah, this sport is awesome because they just wipe out so hard.

I could medal in a women's Olympic slalom event

What sport would become the most watched if they allowed trash talk... [Hank proposed putting athletes in different sports] ... Hank couldn't medal in a single woman's event. I agree with that. [Hank]: Slalom. ... Not in men's but women's. ... women's slalom turns are not that hard.

Sam Darnold is a top five quarterback in the NFL

Sam Darnold. Good guy. Elite quarterback elite. Elite, elite. Top five. [Big Cat: Gimme your top five.] Drake Maye. Sam Darnold. Josh Allen, Caleb Williams, Jayden Daniels.

Michael Jordan winning the Daytona 500 proves he is better than LeBron James

Michael Jordan won the Daytona 500. I don't know what you're talking about... LeBron has not done that.

The skeleton is a joke of a sport that anyone could do with three years of training

The skeleton is a joke. [Max: I think that's actually like proven fact that the average amount of person to take, they have three years experience.] When I watch the Best Loser win by a fraction of a second, I'm like, well that guy just decided to do luge. 99.9% of the world just doesn't do luge.

The Patriots would have won Super Bowl 60 if the Cooper Kupp bobble had been challenged and overturned.

I don't know why they didn't challenge that in real time. That was like, that's a bobble. And then it was clearly was a bobble. If he didn't, if they didn't, if they reviewed it and it gets overturned, they didn't even get a field goal... I think we win. [Sliding doors effect].

The Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad it ruined my interest in international football forever.

That halftime performance was so bad. I might have changed my stance on international football forever... It was horrible. I was watching it and I was like, this is, who is this for? This is America. This is a fucking Super Bowl.

The Washington Wizards are 100% guaranteed to make the playoffs next season.

I am now a Wizards fan... I'm thinking the [playoffs] for sure next year... A hundred percent guaranteed. We're gonna be better than the [6% of the league]... You can't get to the [playoffs] unless you get in the [play-in].

Kayshon Boutte will score a 40+ yard receiving touchdown in Super Bowl 60

[Kayshon Boutte] to score a 40 plus yard receiving touchdown that's plus 1200.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl by 50 points

Any divisional rival... Do I not want [Seattle] to win? ... Patriots by 50. That's what I've said all week.

The Celtics' trade for Nikola Vucevic is a clear sign that Jayson Tatum will be returning to the lineup soon.

I like this trade... Well V[ucevic]—it also means Jayson Tatum's coming back... because if Tatum comes back, those are minutes like Simmons has been playing, but if T comes back, those minutes are gone.

The Super Bowl halftime show is for chicks

The Super Bowl halftime show is—is—is for chicks... I don't think the average NFL fan is like, man, I hope this Super Bowl halftime show is awesome. I don't give a fuck.

Sam Darnold will turn the ball over once or twice and effectively hand the game to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

I think they're gonna go after [Sam Darnold] early in this game. I think that's, that's how you win this game... because he will give you one or two. I've seen it before with the Jets.

The Patriots will beat the Seahawks 27-20 in the Super Bowl

I'm going 27-20... because the reason I'm taking New England is I've done these games for 14 years now and no other season was there a game where they let go of the rope and they got blown out.

Rhamondre Stevenson will score the first touchdown of the Super Bowl

Rhamondre Stevenson... I think he's gonna run it in from about the six.

I bet on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP for the Patriots

I got a massive bet on the Patriots. I also put a bet on, on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP. The New England Patriot, Patriot... Big time Patriot.

The Seahawks will move Giannis Antetokounmpo to Golden State

Do I? I think he might go actually to Golden State... Giannis would be open to finding other teams that are interested in collaborative effort on a basketball championship.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might be traded to the Chicago Bulls this week

Second [favorite to land Giannis] is Chicago Bulls at plus three ten... the rumors of him to the Bulls have always kind of been there being like, he loves Milwaukee so much that he's not gonna leave living in Milwaukee and commute. Which he could do, but it would be the most ridiculous thing ever.

PFT Commenter bet $40,000 on the Patriots money line to win Super Bowl 60

Hank, I did submit the $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line. It's in the DraftKings sportsbook. I put that in. We're good to go. At the very least, you can sleep comfortably knowing that if the Patriots lose, I will have lost $40,000 out of my own pocket.