Getting your wife pregnant is the secret to winning golf tournaments

If you want to win a golf tournament, you have to get your wife pregnant. And then sure enough, either right after you give birth or right after you conceive, you will get an interview right after you win something and you'll announce it.

A baseball player must reach 2,000 hits to be considered elite

I think most real seam heads would say like 2000 hits. If you get to 2000 hits, you're probably elite. ... if you get to 2000, that's the big number in baseball. Everyone talks about you gotta get to 2000 hits.

Bryce Harper will return to being a beast this season after disrespect from his GM

Bryce Harper's been nothing but good. And Dave Dombrowski disrespecting him like that. Bryce has every right to be upset about that. ... I think he's gonna be a beast this year. He's gonna return to being a beast.

The Commanders will roll over the Cowboys

I think the Commanders are gonna roll this game. The Eagles are good and the Commanders almost beat them. The Commanders are gonna beat the Cowboys.

The Bills are the AFC team to beat

Josh Allen's in his prime, they looked unbelievable. They're gonna be probably the team to beat in the AFC.

Steve Ballmer is eating shit

Who's back of the week is eating shit. Steve Ballmer.