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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Getting your wife pregnant is the secret to winning golf tournaments

If you want to win a golf tournament, you have to get your wife pregnant. And then sure enough, either right after you give birth or right after you conceive, you will get an interview right after you win something and you'll announce it.

Morikawa did win Pebble Beach in this fictional/future timeline right after his child news.

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Void
Feb 18, 2026
#20295
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

A baseball player must reach 2,000 hits to be considered elite

I think most real seam heads would say like 2000 hits. If you get to 2000 hits, you're probably elite. ... if you get to 2000, that's the big number in baseball. Everyone talks about you gotta get to 2000 hits.

This is a subjective definition of 'elite'.
Loss
Feb 18, 2026
#20296
MaxMax

Bryce Harper will return to being a beast this season after disrespect from his GM

Bryce Harper's been nothing but good. And Dave Dombrowski disrespecting him like that. Bryce has every right to be upset about that. ... I think he's gonna be a beast this year. He's gonna return to being a beast.

Bryce Harper's 2026 season stats (.269 AVG, 29 HR, 87 RBI, .865 OPS) were good, but did not represent a 'return to being a beast' when compared to his previous MVP-caliber seasons or even his strong 2024 performance. His 2026 output was a step down from his elite form.
Loss
Feb 18, 2026
#20297
Big CatBig Cat

Tyreek Hill is still fast but on the 'wrong side' of his career, making him a risky but likely target for the Chiefs or Raiders

He can still run... eventually he will be able to run again. I don't know. Chiefs... Raiders or classic Antonio Brown arc Raiders for like a month... He is on the wrong side. He's like 32. So, but he still is fast... A team that is going to trade for him has to have a pretty good locker room to be like, 'Hey Tyreek, we're happy to have you on the team knowing everything.'

Big Cat predicted Tyreek Hill would be a target for the Chiefs or Raiders, or have an 'Antonio Brown arc' with the Raiders. However, Tyreek Hill was released by the Miami Dolphins in February 2026 due to a significant knee injury and cap hit. As of September 2026, he remains an unsigned free agent and has not joined any team, including the Chiefs or Raiders.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.