Blake Bortles

Shaving your head and growing a beard is the only move for balding men

Shave it and grow a beard... my thing was, which I held onto it for a while... and I finally got... I found this barber... He goes 'Dude you need to just shave your fucking head.' That's, yeah, I think you're right dude. It's tough. I shave it. It was just, you know, bullied me into shaving my head.

I quietly retired from the NFL and didn't tell anyone.

I did. I heard Hank mention that the other day and I appreciate that Hank, I have not touched a football since January. I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Probably just didn't tell anyone. So I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly.

Chris Simms is one of the people in sports media who hated me most

If there was one person that, that I don't even know, you know, who hated me... I would imagine like if you asked him, he would be like, 'Yeah, that guy sucked' was Chris Simms. [Simms] hated me. I saw, showed he me a list one time he ranked me as like the 47th best quarterback in the nfl and I was starting in Jacksonville.

I’m officially retiring from the NFL unless someone offers me a two-year, $15 million contract

I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Just didn't tell anyone... I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly... I've officially retired... [unless] two for 15 million. I'd be there in a heartbeat.

I threw between 3 and 8 touchdowns during Packers OTAs

I also got a new job. Yep. And green bay I threw and give or take four touchdown passes during the OTAs. So have you ever take, three to eight? You pick a number of all right. Somewhere in there under 10.

I can grow an incredible ponytail to help get NFL GMs interested in me again

I'll work on it. I could probably grow a ponytail. I mean the sides of my head grow pretty rapidly... Can you imagine that ponytail hanging out of the back of the helmet?

I bought a Tesla to quit dipping, but I just ended up going to the gas station to buy dip anyway

The plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station anymore. So now I just go to the gas station just to buy dip.

Brandin Cooks is the definition of elite foot speed

I think it's probably Brandin Cooks, a receiver we have out here in L.A., and I actually trained with him for the combine. I thought he was fast then, but he's on a whole other level of fast and the definition of foot speed.

I am faster now than I was when I trained for the NFL Combine

I'd imagine everybody's probably different. I think I'm faster now than I was when I was training for the Combine. But I would say there's probably guys that are the opposite of that.

The UCF vs. UConn 'Civil ConFLiCT' was never a real rivalry to the players

We had no idea that that was a rivalry game or we were playing for a trophy. We just thought it was another game. I think there has to be some sort of agreement when two teams want to become a rivalry, like equal hate or whatever.

I predict no human will ever break four seconds in the 40-yard dash

Dude, I don't know. Because, I mean, how low is the 40-yard dash record going to go? I don't know. Like there's no way anybody's ever going to break four seconds. I don't know. I guess maybe high 4-1.

I will eventually get back on Twitter and probably let Big Cat and PFT run my account

Yeah, it's in the works. I think it will happen here pretty soon. I probably bring the social media back and get back on there. [Big Cat and PFT running it] honestly might be the best ideas. I'm okay with that just like in game live tweeting as I'm standing on the sidelines.

I bought a $160,000 Tesla so I would be forced to quit dipping

So the plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station anymore. So now I just go to the gas station just to buy dip.

I chose the Rams over meetings with Denver and Baltimore

The Rams was the first one. And after kind of spending the day there, I knew that was where I wanted to be, so I kind of just shut it down and got it done... I had a meeting with Denver and then Baltimore were the next two.

I wear a hat in public as a service to others so they don't have to look at my balding head

I wear a hat for the benefit of other people because I don't like looking at balding heads. So that's why I wear a hat because I don't want anybody else to have to look at my balding head.

I respect Eli Manning's move to force a trade on draft day

I respect the hell out of that move [forcing a trade like the Mannings did], but no, whoever decided that they wanted me, I was just going to be happy and go play for them.

Winston Churchill beating Hitler is essentially 'stolen valor' for an actor playing him

[Gary Oldman is Winston Churchill in Darkest Hour]... yeah, he beat Hitler. Yeah. You know what? Isn't that stolen valor, though? If you dress up like the guy that beat Hitler, you're taking credit for that.

I will win at least one Super Bowl before I retire

[Big Cat mentions Pete Prisco predicted Bortles wins one Super Bowl] Wow. Yeah. You heard it from Pete first. [Bortles agreeing with the sentiment of the conversation].

Ryan Tannehill is awesome and will take the next step next year

Yeah, I think Ryan Tannehill is awesome. [He will] take the next step.

Only America should celebrate Thanksgiving

I agree. I think it's an American tradition. I mean, because it was the pilgrims and the Indians like sitting down and having dinner together and kind of somewhat working out the deal of how we're going to take their land.

Undefeated mid-majors like UCF should be in a 16-team playoff

As a mid-major school, it's tough with the way the system is now to get a chance to get into the college football playoffs. I think they should do it like how they do the 1AA or the FCS or whatever it's called, like a 16-team playoff. Because then you give them a chance, you never know until they go play the Power Five conference teams.

The Jaguars defense deserves the 'Saxonville' nickname

I'm currently not calling us that, but they've done a great job creating [sacks], so they deserve that name.

There is a chance the world ends before 2018

Yeah, of course. I mean, [fifth-year option money] is money that I will probably never see. I think it's for like 2018. I think there's a chance that it [the world] could [end]. Either that or something else could happen.

Cinco de Mayo is just an excuse for Americans to drink beer

I don't even think they [Mexicans] know that Cinco de Mayo is a thing. It's kind of, I think, just a excuse for the rest of the world to drink. And that beer, it says beer companies were actually, once they started diving in... it kind of took off.

Remember the Titans is the best Denzel Washington movie

God, super cliche. But I think Remember the Titans is unbelievable, Denzel.

Thanksgiving should be a full holiday, not just a meal as Will Muschamp suggests

Will Muschamp came out and said for South Carolina, Thanksgiving's a meal, not a day. We're going to practice in the morning... I also totally disagree with that. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and it is fully worth having a full day for.

Limp Bizkit is the most famous thing to come out of Jacksonville

I mean, [Limp Bizkit] are by far the most famous thing to come out of Jacksonville for sure, right?

I will get a Wikipedia Club tattoo if we all get one

If we all get one, I'm 100% in. [Maybe this weekend in Chicago] I agree. Oh, let's do it. All right. We talked ourselves. God damn it.

As a GM, I'm not drafting any player who takes only one piece of candy from a 'please take one' bowl; you want someone who takes the whole thing

As a GM, I'm not drafting anybody who takes one and walks out. [I'm taking the whole thing immediately]. That's a winner's mentality. Take what they give you.

If you hand out fruit for Halloween instead of candy, you deserve to have something thrown at your house

There was a big phase that people in my neighborhood went through for some reason about giving out fruit. Like trying to change the generation of what they eat. And it was like, if you gave us fruit, you were getting something thrown at you.

I'm an 'over' guy for toilet paper orientation

I would say... I'm pretty certain I'm an under guy... [Wait], I switched up. I'm now over. [Because it] reduces the risk of accidentally brushing the wall or cabinet with one's knuckles.

I am a stand-up wiper

I'm gonna say I'm a big stander and I was kind of like scarred because when I was like 10 or 11... I went to wipe and just dunked my hand like right in the bowl with like the shit and water in there so from then on out I just I'm standing.

I've been a whole milk drinker my entire life

I've drank whole milk my whole life and like still... I just thought everybody drank whole milk. Um, because that's what my mom and it was always like, yeah, it'll make your bones really strong.

Christians get circumcised and then receive their 'big boy pants' as a rite of passage

Jewish people get circumcised and here's a pair of pants. [Big Cat]: That's exactly how they do it. Timeline is not exactly right on that, but we're going to – you know what? Close enough.

Banana boating over alligator-infested waters is not fun

[The St. John's River] is just infested with alligators. So we would literally be banana boating over alligators... [When we fell out] it was just like whoever was driving the boat was just like a frantic U-turn to come and pick us up. That doesn't sound like fun.

The Jaguars have a better chance of making the playoffs than the Bears or Bills

[Big Cat]: Which of those three [Bears, Bills, Jaguars] do you think have the best chance of going to the playoffs? [Blake Bortles]: I would have to say us.

I will either get hair plugs or grow a beard to deal with my balding

I think, I mean, it's just one or the other. You got to go either that route [hair plugs] or you go the, I'm just going to own it and grow out a beard and just try and look like a badass.

The viral Jaguars 'lady' fan should be given sideline passes and locker room access

I mean, she needs to be, like, sideline pass minimum, possibly in the locker room. [Big Cat: If you want to win some nice internet PR, go viral, let's get Jacksonville Jaguars lady some season tickets on Blake Bortles.]

Snow can be used to put out fires because it is technically water

I mean, I feel like scientifically it's got to [put out a fire], right? Because it's technically water. I read the first paragraph. And it said form of water, so I figured it took some pretty deep thinking.

The team's kicker would be the best choice for a coxswain role

Personality-wise, a long snapper would be perfect for [coxswain], but... long snappers usually aren't that small, so I'd probably say it'd have to be our kicker.

I am a negative John Thomas sign candidate

I just want you guys to know that I'm actually a negative John Thomas sign candidate... [PFT: So your penis points away from your injuries.] That's correct.

Forty percent of women experience male pattern baldness

Hey, but also, small spoiler, 40% of women experience it... male pattern baldness.

The Jaguars are definitely going to make some noise this season

I think we're definitely going to make some noise. Yeah, you know... we're looking forward to making some noise this year.

JJ Watt grunts and moans while chasing quarterbacks

No, [JJ Watt] is not a big talker at all. Like it's kind of – you kind of just – you hear him like grunting and moaning behind you as he's coming. He just makes noises, really.

My alliterative name is a huge reason for my success

It's a huge part of my success and a big reason why I kind of am where I am today. [Matt Bortles or Ted Bortles] nowhere near it – no, not even close.

The Bears only win because of 'Bear Weather'

[Big Cat]: The 85 Bears basically won because of bear weather... when the weather gets worse, the bears get better. [Bortles]: Is that like something you guys say or you're actually talking about like Mother Nature?

London beer is served at room temperature except for Guinness

If you do go to London... they don't serve cold beer. It's all room temperature. So actually they have ice cold Guinness so hopefully you like Guinness. It's the only time I think I ever drink Guinness when I go to London.