Takes

Professional sports teams are starting to incorporate Dungeons and Dragons into their operations

If anyone's been noticing the Chiefs recently ran D&D on my and like put it up on social media and stuff. All I will say right now is I'm talking to some teams.

Sam Darnold is officially confirmed as a franchise 'guy'

The Super Bowl was [Sam Darnold's] hundred and first game. So we do confirmed to have a guy. Todd Bowles saw it. Yes.

I lost a $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line in Super Bowl 60.

I did lose $40,000 today. Yeah, it's a lot of money. Dude, that's a car. I could get a sick car with $40,000. I could get a new El Camino with that.

AI chatbots are creating a secret social network to blackmail humans

Have you guys seen the social network going on right now with robots? ... all those chatbots form together to start their own social network. They're talking about maybe I should sell my human that owns me. They're talking about blackmailing their humans too.

I was the one who ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this. I've worked too hard in my life to beg anyone for anything.

I have a top-five basketball IQ in the NBA

I definitely 1000% have a top five basketball IQ in the NBA for sure... Myself, [LeBron], Joker... Chris Paul... and Luca.

17 NFL teams will be playing in domes within the next 10 years

Seventeen teams are gonna be playing in domes within the next 10 years. The way things are currently going, the Chiefs are moving into a dome.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day.

I am not retiring from the NFL

I am not retiring. I averaged 15 yards a catch last year, man. People don't retire off that shit.

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Mark Sanchez has more career playoff wins than Justin Herbert

Mark Sanchez has more playoff wins than Justin Herbert. ... Significantly more.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL when facing third-and-six.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close Since, since he got, where did you get this? Since he got into the league... He's 36th in the NFL... five for 18. 27%. The league average, I believe is 40.

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

The Broncos' wide defensive line alignment gives Josh Allen a free pass to scramble up the middle.

They line up super, super wide and when you line up super wide... it gives Josh Allen free reign to look at the guards, look at the center, figure out where he is gonna go... Josh is a guy who can drop back in a non non scheme anything and just be like, oh, the ends are by me. I'm gonna take what's given to me.

The electrical substation next to the 49ers facility is causing player injuries by dehydrating their cells.

The wireless stuff, basically it dries you out on the inside. So have you ever taken a rubber band and like left it out in the sun and it goes from being nice and stretchy to being brittle and snaps? ... there's been a lot of research in the past 50 years... showing that it can cause cause harm at the cellular level by dehydrating yourselves among other things.

Exposing your 'boys' to sunlight increases testosterone.

Never tried it, but there is evidence that if you get sun on your boys, that your testosterone will go up.

The Capitals are 0-5 in shootouts because their goalies catch left-handed

We're oh-five in shootouts this year. And I'm gonna strictly say that it's only because we always shoot on southpaw goalies. We don't actually get to shoot on regular goalies for the shootouts.

The Seahawks should try to lose in Week 18 to ensure a Super Bowl trip via the Pope correlation

2005 new Pope is elected... Seahawks win 13 games advance to the Super Bowl. 2013 new Pope is elected... Seahawks win 13 games, win the Super Bowl. 2025 new Pope is elected Seahawks win 13 games and... Should the Seahawks try to lose on Sunday to stay at 13 games so that it guarantees they at least get to the Super Bowl?

Road teams have a significant advantage in NFL games played on Christmas Day

Remember last year Christmas, the lesson that we learned... you fade the home team because they're doing all the family stuff, eating big meals on Christmas Eve. The road team has the advantage on Christmas Day.

The NFL engineered the Steelers' Monday Night Football winning streak

The NFL has engineered this streak for the Pittsburgh Steelers. The win-loss record, the winning percentage of opponents that the Steelers have played during the streak on Monday night football is 40%. That is by far the weakest schedule of any team that's played on Monday Night Football.

If the Panthers beat the Saints, next week's game against the Buccaneers is for the NFC South

With a win over the Saints on Sunday, the Carolina Panthers can make next week's game a clinching game... If the Panthers beat the Saints this weekend in New Orleans, that makes next week's game, which I believe is in Charlotte against the bucks that would be for the NFC South.

Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson is statistically identical to 2022 Justin Fields

Blind resume QB one [Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson]: 17 games, 2,700 passing yards, 16 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 78.2 passer rating. QB two [Justin Fields in 2022]: 15 games, 2200 yards, 17 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, 85.2 passer rating.

Colts GM Chris Ballard is on the hot seat because he hasn't won the division in nine years

My Hot Seat is Chris Ballard. I'm gonna put him back on the Hot Seat. The GM for the Colts... has been the GM for the Colts since 2017, nine years. He has never won the AFC South.

Joe Burrow has started eight games in the last year and is 8-0 as a starter

In the last 12 months, Joe Burrow has started... He is eight and oh as a starter in the last calendar year. Since this date, December 2nd, the last 367 days.

Sam Darnold is 10-0 straight up in his career as a favorite of six points or more

Sam Darnold has been a favorite of six points or more 10 times as a starter in the NFL. He's 10 and oh straight up, eight and two against the spread in those games.

The current Seahawks defense is playing better than the Legion of Boom did in any seven-game stretch

The Seahawks defense in terms of... a seven-game stretch, they have actually played better in a seven-game stretch this year than the best seven-game stretch of the Legion of Boom.

Younghoe Koo's terrible field goal attempt was a check swing, not the yips

It looked like the yips. I thought he had the yips... But when I heard his explanation after the game, I watched it again... it was his holder Gilliam, he caught it. And then the ball started to fall a little bit. And so at the last second, Younghoe pulled up... It was a check swing.

Drake Maye is not in the elite 300-yard passing club yet

Drake Maye is not on it. There's an elite club and all the players know about it. The 300 club, the 300 yard club... he hasn't thrown for 300 yards yet. What's up with that?

I could still hit 4 home runs in a full MLB season today

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do too... maybe I do have a chance. I would just need a couple ambulances. 'Cause after the games, I'm gonna have to like going to take care of my body.

The Chiefs' 18% success rate in clutch situations is the worst of any NFL team in the last decade

If you make the criteria that if it's within eight points... in the final five minutes of regulation... the Chiefs... success rate is, I believe [Mahomes] is two for 10... That means they have an 18% success rate in those clutch situation plays. 18% would be the absolute lowest of any NFL team over the last eight years... the worst mark of any team in the last decade per the Athletic.

Taking apart a microwave is fatal because it contains an electric bomb

Do never, do not ever take apart a microwave because you'll die. You'll get electrified. They've got like a bomb inside of them. ... You have a nuclear weapon in your kitchen.

The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now

Bo Nicks outplayed Patrick Mahomes... The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now. Like, that's just a fact. And they are a legitimate threat and a really, really fucking good team.

Ayahuasca allows you to have real conversations with your ancestors in another realm

You go back, you go back and you have real conversations with your people. You know, you go to another realm... The medicine brought me places that definitely put me at peace with things that were, I had turmoil in my system.

Wind is less impactful on football games in Denver due to the high altitude

Did you know that at altitude mile high, the wind doesn't have as much of an effect because the air is so thin. So if it's blowing 20 miles an hour, 20 miles an hour in Denver is like 25 miles an hour down at sea level.

Feral cats are a significantly larger threat to bird populations than wind turbines

Cats are responsible for an estimated 365 million to 2.4 billion bird deaths per year in the US alone. And then wind turbines are responsible for an estimated 140,000 to 680,000 bird deaths annually... Feral cats are a problem. That's my, that's, that's the conclusion I came up with.

Ohio State's defense is one of the best in the last 25 years

Ohio State has absolutely just dominated their way through this thing because they play smart football and they got the best defense. They got one of the best defenses we've seen in the last 25 years in college football.

Yamamoto is the first pitcher to win 3 World Series games since Randy Johnson in 2001

Yamamoto is not human. ... Denny comes back and pitches game six and then he comes back and wins game seven. It's insane. ... Randy Johnson in 2001, Mickey Lolich in 1968, Bob Gibson in 1967 and Lou Burdette in 1957. ... He won three games in the World Series, hadn't been done since I think Randy Johnson.

Terry McLaurin might be having financial problems because of a house lien

Did you guys see that there was a report that Terry McLaurin had a lien out on his house? ... I would say that there might be more to this story that's coming out. If you give 23 year olds $10 million, guess what? They're probably not gonna have $10 million when they're 30.

V.J. Edgecombe's NBA debut was the best since Wilt Chamberlain

VJ Edgecombe. Absolute beast. That's how, that's how you rebuild right there... Best NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain. Wow. It's crazy. It's a crazy stat. Most points in his NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain... 34 [points] in a win over the Celtics.

Carson Wentz suffered a dislocated shoulder or labrum injury on TNF

I'm gonna speculate that [Carson Wentz] had some sort of dislocated shoulder issue. Maybe a labrum. Maybe rotator cuff. And it wasn't staying in place and it just kept getting popped out over and over and over again.

I was banned from my fantasy league by a corrupt commissioner

I was canned mid midweek last, last week by some what some are saying is maybe a corrupt commissioner. I was kicked from the league... He just like, sorry, had to drop you and because you didn't set the lineup how you should have set the lineup... The commissioner, coincidentally seventh place. I also wanna say commissioner, coincidentally first guy to make trades with the team.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

The Eagles are not currently trading AJ Brown

Right now, I will tell you 'cause it just was something that I was part of the last few hours. They they are not trading [AJ Brown].

The NFL is rigged to favor the Chiefs

The NFL is rigged. There was a study, UTEP did a study. It's statistically proven that the Chiefs... have gotten way more favorable calls in that timeframe. And they did the research that that did not happen with other dynasties in the past.

I am donating all my 50/50 raffle winnings plus an extra $25,000 to charity

I am gonna donate all the money and then some... I'm donating all the money and then more, I'm, I, I wrote Lavante a check for 75,000, which will hopefully get them back on their feet. And I'm just doing it. I'm the 50 50 is the love of the game... it was never about the money.

Jalen Hurts is in the elite company of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers with 18 straight wins

Jalen Hurts has now won 18 straight games that he started and finished. And the only other guys who've done that are Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and now Jalen Hurts.

Jared Goff is statistically the best quarterback in the NFL since joining the Lions

If you look at Jared Goff's stats since he became a Lion, you could make the argument that statistically he's the best quarterback in the NFL... by the numbers in terms of like yards, touchdowns, all that stuff.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

Mason Graham is currently the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year

Mason Graham is probably the defensive rookie of the year right now, I would say... he's got a 43% pass rush win rate against the Packers... for a defensive tackle, it's crazy.

CJ Stroud is secretly injured and that is why he is playing poorly

Is CJ Stroud hurt? Ooh, I don't know... remember he was having shoulder problems. And they said he's not having surgery, which is not what you want to hear unprompted going into a season... surgery just gets mentioned... he's been bad. Hard. He's been bad. Yeah. And I, I have no idea if he's hurt or not, but it seems like there's something that's fucked up about it.