PMT DB
PMT DB
Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers Battle the Doom Raiders
It's time for Dungeons and Dragons, and Big Cat wasn't exaggerating when he said this is the best one they've ever done. Timm Woods is back with a completely new adventure—no cliffhangers, no need to catch up, just pure chaos and heart in a single episode. The setup is simple but brilliant: the party rolls into the city of Waterdeep as legitimate heroes, having just slayed a dragon. But some asshole adventurers called the Doom Raiders have been stealing their credit. So now it's time to kill all five of them.
Introducing the Doom Raiders
Timm introduces the villains with the energy of a wrestling announcer. There's Dabble Star Song, a pretty boy Elvin bard who's basically a celebrity wannabe. Irid Horn, the money-obsessed cleric of greed. Schema Weird Bottle, a wizard and the brains of the operation—a name so good that Hank immediately wants to keep him alive. Tashlin Yara, a corrupt city guard with muscles and a dangerous sword. And finally, Xer the Hunter, a sniper archer who can one-shot people and apparently has a golf handicap.
Timm WoodsDungeons and Dragons is the universal game of imagination that everyone has already played
I like to say D&D is the game that everyone has played. Even if you only did it when you were a kid and didn't know it was D&D, it is just the game of imagination that we all play. And it's the, it is the universal game in many ways.
Everyone needs a name. The crew votes on some options—the Boom Raiders (too on the nose), Five Chinese Women, and eventually lands on Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers. Yes, six. Because Hippo Maximus, the party's secret druid weapon, is about to join the fight.
Big CatSociety was better when people who performed mentalist tricks were treated like witches
We used to be a proper society. We used to drown those people, like witches burn them. Yeah. Like it's getting a little to the point where it's like, should we throw, should we throw some rocks at him at the town square?
The Plan: Kill Schmo First
The squad debates strategy. Kill them all at once? Pick them off one by one? The consensus is that Schema Weird Bottle is their best first target—wizards have low hit points, and if they can eliminate him quickly, he won't get a turn to cast spells and alert the other Doom Raiders.
But there's a catch: they need a plan to frame the Xanathar's Guild, the local thieves guild, so the Doom Raiders think their rivals killed Schmo. Hank befriends the wizard by pretending they went to school together, getting him alone in his potion shop. It works a little too well—Schmo actually likes him and shares information about all the other Doom Raiders. Tashlin is easy to manipulate. Xer hides on rooftops and is nearly impossible to find. So Hank invites Schmo back to his shop for more conversation.
What happens next is absolute madness. Big Cat rides a giant moth through the window, rages, and just starts wailing on the wizard. Schmo tries to turn invisible to escape, but Nick Turani's paladin has a giant moth that tackles him mid-spell. They grab him mid-air and drop him from a building. When he hits the ground, they carve the Xanathar's symbol into his forehead. Schmo is dead, and the frame job is set.
But the moth is hungry. Really hungry. It eats Hank's penis. When Hank wakes up later, Big Cat has to break the news to him—in front of potential romantic interests.
Things Get Worse (Better)
Zach's turn to act. He's supposed to help, but he's also the mama's boy whose mother threw Big Cat to the wolves as a baby. Big Cat wants revenge on mom. The debate rages: should Zach heal Big Cat or kill the next Doom Raider? Zach chooses the nuanced path—heal Big Cat, but also attack the bad guy. When Irid Horn shows up at Schmo's ruined shop, Zach is ready. He casts shatter and blows up the entire building with her inside it, killing her instantly.
Big CatThis Dungeons and Dragons episode is the best one the show has ever done
It is Dungeons and Dragons Day, the best one we've ever done... I honestly think it's the best one we've ever done.
But in doing so, Zach takes damage from the collapse. Big Cat takes even more damage—he's down to four HP. The sniper on the rooftop, Xer, is revealed. And Hank gets sniped and falls unconscious.
PFT's Greatest Seduction
PFT Commenter, playing a bard in disguise as a muscular woman, does what he does best: talks his way into everything. He seduces the cop, Tashlin Yara, by looking amazing and vulnerable. She brings him to Dabble Star Song, the bard villain. But then things spiral. A fireball hits the rooftop. The sniper, Xer, dies. Dabble uses mind control to charm Greg the Paladin into attacking his own team. Greg smites Zach for massive damage. Everyone's falling unconscious left and right.
Timm WoodsI will be running a Dungeons and Dragons cruise to Alaska in October 2026
I am gonna be doing a D&D cruise this year... called D3 at Sea... in October, we're gonna be going to Alaska and it's a week. So if you were already going to Alaska and wanted to do the trip, I know I have family members who have gotten really stoked to do that stuff.
By the end, Big Cat's character tries to jump off a roof to attack his mother's ghost and fails the athletics check so badly he dies. Zach's character falls unconscious. Hank dies from blood loss. It's looking bad.
The Redemption Arc Nobody Asked For
But then Zach, playing the cleric, realizes they can heal people. His mother—a ghost made of pure magical energy channeled through his faith—appears and offers to help. Silent Tradewind suggests healing his brother, but mom chooses to heal the momma's boy instead because he's a cleric and can heal others. This sends Big Cat's character into a rage about being unloved.
Then something weird happens. Greg and PFT's characters start trying to seduce the mom. She agrees to manifest physically. Tashlin gets jealous. They offer to save one of her sons on the condition that he calls PFT's character "dad." They save Big Cat, who is now very much alive and very much uncomfortable with the arrangement.
Tashlin surrenders to Greg. Greg accepts and proposes a date to the mom. She agrees, but only if one of her sons lives. Tashlin is spared. And just like that, the party has a stepdad, a complicated relationship with the mom who abandoned Big Cat, and a reformed Doom Raider in their midst.
Big CatEvery person is a Dungeons and Dragons fan, they just don't know it yet
We all are D&D guys. We all, we just don't know it yet.
The Aftermath
They defeated the Doom Raiders. All five of them are dead or converted. The city is saved. The Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers leveled up to seven. And somehow, in the process of trying to kill evil adventurers, they created a found family with a warlock stepdad and a complicated matriarch.
Timm Woods pulled off something special here—a complete story arc with betrayal, revenge, hilarity, and genuine character moments. The dice were brutal (so many ones), the plans were chaotic, and the party barely survived. When Big Cat said this was the best D&D episode they've ever done, he wasn't just hyping it. He lived it.
