Takes

Wolves teach superior values like community and sacrifice compared to human parenting

The wolves taught him [Big Cat] well. It taught him about community, talking about teamwork, sacrifice. Nature being noble, humility, pack above self.

I am the reason my father is dead because he died during my birth

My father Mr. Tradewind was actually like the greatest dad ever. But he passed away during childbirth... Mama Tradewind said that I reminded her too much of the barbarian father and that's why she cast me out... the reason that I'm alive, he is dead.

Shredder and the Ninja Turtles appear in every episode together but never actually kill each other

If you've ever watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Shredder is in every episode. The Ninja Turtles are in like every episode. They never actually kill each other. They just fight.

A Dungeons and Dragons player who shapeshifts into an animal too early cannot be trusted

If you morph into something else already, how can you be trusted? Right. It's not even, especially if it's not even known yet. [I need to] fit in with like the rest of the crowd.

There is nothing more satisfying than killing NPCs that you cannot normally kill over the internet

And nothing more satisfying than getting to kill people that we can't normally kill over the internet. Yes. Suck my dick, Poopy Stinks.

I am going to replace Hank as the person who gets killed and fucked in this Dungeons and Dragons adventure

I just know how this is gonna go. I'm just gonna replace Hank is the guy who gets killed and fucked.

I have a higher alcohol tolerance than dwarves because of my size

But I'm bigger than [the dwarves]. It will take me a lot longer to get drunk. I think [I] might just get drunk with them.

The Dwarven vault is in the western portion of the mountain, and the mentions of it being in the east are a faint switch

I think this safe is in the west. It keeps, everyone keeps talking about the east, but if it was in the east and they have the key, they would find it. I feel like it's a faint switch.

The key to the vault is likely located in the chasm

Sounds like [the chasm] is maybe where the key is. ... Since I am a dwarf, I would assume my stepsister also has advantage when it comes to deception and persuasion.

The chief of the orcs probably has the key to the vault

I think the chief, the chief... the chief probably has the key. We gotta just, we gotta tell him. Hey dude, let's, there's five of us. There's one of you give us the fucking key and let's go.

The ogre likely swallowed the key to the vault

What if [Great Ulf] swallowed the key? Who swallowed the key? The the fucking guy we're trying to kill.

A wasp and a bee are the same thing

I'm a wasp. It's the same thing [as a bee]. ... I'm a wasp. It's the same thing. It's not. Yeah, I would like to go into that chest.

I know how to fly a plane, I just don't know how to take off or land

I just know how to fly. I don't know how to take off and land. Exactly.

I have zero problem sleeping with an angel in Elysium, even if they turn out to be a man

Hank's big fucking move was to make me gay. Like it's a bad thing. Disgusting. You fucking an angel dude. Yeah, absolutely. I I don't give [a fuck]—angels are angels. They just change their physical form whenever they want. Shit. They're just like changing to [whatever you] love... I'm like, yeah, no shit bro.

The ideal heaven includes NFL games where every over hits and the channel changes the moment it gets boring

Is NFL on? Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. And every game is like exactly as exciting as you want. Every over hits, every game is like going into the most exciting moments... and then as soon as it gets boring, the channel just changes to a new, more exciting game.

Lost Mines of Phandelver is the quintessential D&D adventure that almost everyone who has played the game has experienced

The adventure that I have planned for us today is a classic. It is known as Lost Mines of Phandelver. It is one of the most well-known D&D adventures. ... honestly, it's a well-known adventure. It's in the beginner box. So if anybody has played any adventure here, it would be that one.

My character, Norm, is going to be a problem in 2030

I'm like the kid that Bleacher Report posts like this, the seventh grader, who's seven feet. And he's just dunking on a bunch of like five foot kids. Yeah. That's me right now. This kid's going to be a problem in 2030.

People get freaky at D&D conventions

People get freaky at the conventions. It is known, I will say no more than that.

Tupac Shakur is definitely alive

[Jake Marsh] has failed to save and believes it's the real Tupac. And if he's just playing the best beats... I know [Tupac] was alive.

Jake Marsh's character, Cake, is definitely a narc or a member of the city watch

[Cake] is a cop like you on the basketball court, check to see if he's a cop... he feels like a cop.

Everyone craps themselves right before they die

[PFT Commenter]: Then he craps himself before he died. [Big Cat]: As everyone does before they died. Jake tried to eat his, but—

I am 100% going to kill Billy Football's character in Dungeons and Dragons.

Get the wizard ready just in case we decide to kill [Berserker] Billy... when I say 'just in case' we are 100% going to kill Billy Football.

Children can't lie

I would like to speak to the children? Children can't lie. Okay?

The T-Rex is an absolute fraud of a dinosaur

T-Rex is an absolute fraud. We got Giganotosaurus, that's like the alpha of all the roars. It's just basically T-Rex with functional arms but like four times as big. Looks like a dragon.

Vikings used magic mushrooms to cure concussions and it could save modern football

Essentially Vikings might have caught cured concussions and save football. If they do the research and develop a drug where it's like, okay, this would actually speed up the process... these Berserkers definitely had CTE and like a lot of them lived to super old ages... we could save football.