PMT DB
PMT DB
Danny Woodhead and Quenton Nelson on Brady to the Chiefs, 17 Games, and Viking Mushrooms
Big Cat is manifestng positivity this Monday, which is a bold strategy considering the world is currently on a sports-less hiatus. While most of the country is trying to figure out how to cut their own hair, PFT Commenter found the silver lining in the lack of social interaction.
PFT CommenterThere has never been a better time to get a cold sore than during the quarantine
How about this for positivity? There's never been a better time to get a cold sore. I'm just saying that if you do get cold sores now is like you're hitting the lottery if you get one you don't have to go into work for a couple weeks, no one's ever going to know.
They also addressed the looming dread of the NBA’s return plans. While everyone is desperate for hoops, Big Cat isn't ready to settle for the crumbs Adam Silver is throwing from the table.
Big CatThe NBA's proposed Horse tournament on Instagram Live is the most boring idea ever
Adam Silver is considering having the best players in League Play horse against each other live on Instagram, which is just sounds like the most boring idea of all... there's no way like horse is the fun game when you're like five years old... I would rather watch these players go through their regular work out.
Who's Back and Global Dimming
Hank is officially back on his video game grind after realizing that quarantine has actually ruined getting high for him since it's no longer a reward. PFT brought some terrifying science to the table regarding the environment. Apparently, the earth is getting a little too clean for its own good, and the short-term consequences are going to be sweaty.
PFT CommenterGlobal dimming will cause a short-term increase in global warming this summer
There's something called global dimming which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have... It actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down. It's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming, so we're doubly fucked.
Big Cat is attempting to revive a simpler time on the internet. He's been hopping into random Periscopes to signal boost artists and lunch-eating New Zealanders, trying to replace the constant cynicism of the modern web with something more wholesome.
Big CatInternet 1.0 (less cynicism and sarcasm) is making a comeback
I'm bringing back internet 1.0... We're not trying to fuck with people were just being nice trying to signal boost all the artists out there... less sarcasm less cynicism in the internet and less like everything is the worst and we're all going to die.
Danny Woodhead on the Brady Pipeline
Recurring guest Danny Woodhead checked in to discuss the bizarre reality of Tom Brady in a Buccaneers uniform. Woodhead thinks there was a world where Brady stayed in the AFC, specifically to help a certain Super Bowl MVP reach his final form.
Danny WoodheadThe Kansas City Chiefs should sign Tom Brady to mentor Patrick Mahomes
I think the Chiefs have the upper hand right now... there's rumors that they're not happy with Mahomes and his leadership. They want Tom there for a year, have him grow... I think they pay Tom and just wait for a year for an extension with Patty. Give him a one-year deal.
They also got into the nitty-gritty of what makes an elite back in the modern era. While everyone is falling in love with the Derrick Henry monster-truck style of running, Woodhead remains loyal to the "shredded small guy" archetype that he perfected during his career.
Danny WoodheadThe ideal modern NFL running back is 5'10" or shorter and around 205 pounds
If I'm a head coach, even in the NFL, I want a back that's 5'10" or shorter. People are going to laugh, but I don't want a six-foot-two running back. I want a 5'10" or shorter, 210 to 200 pounds running back who's fast, can catch the ball, and then I'll go get a six-foot-two, 225-pounder that can run on the goal line.
Big Cat agreed, noting that teams trying to find the next Henry are usually just finding guys who are too big to hit the hole before it closes.
Big CatNFL offensive coordinators will fail miserably trying to replicate the Derrick Henry model with big backs
There are going to be offensive coordinators that just try to plug any 6'3" 235-pound guy in at running back and it's going to fail miserably.
Quenton Nelson: The Enforcer
Colts guard and future Hall of Famer Quenton Nelson joined the guys to talk about his legendary intensity. From discovering keto as a fifth-grader just to make weight for Pop Warner to being fined for hits that his own team's social media account glorified, Nelson lives for the grind. He also has some very strict rules about how you treat an opponent after you've physically dominated them.
Quenton NelsonYou should never help an opposing player up after you pancake them
Don't fucking help him up. What the fuck are you doing? If you pancake a guy, don't fucking pick up a guy that I just pancaked. That's my bitch.
When asked about the potential move to a 17-game season, Nelson didn't hold back. For a guy who plays in the trenches, more football isn't always better football when your body is already screaming for mercy after Week 16.
Quenton NelsonThe 17-game NFL season is not worth it due to the physical toll on players
Absolutely not dude. I don't need another game. Like what about another... Nah, dude not worth it. Really our bodies are so fucking hurt after the season like 16 games and then you got the playoffs if you're lucky enough to make it that far and I don't know we just don't need another game.
Mount Flushmore of Smells
The guys took a break from football to rank the worst smells known to man. While rotten milk and hockey bags were top contenders, PFT threw a curveball by referencing the lack of smell associated with the current pandemic. Big Cat, ever the culinary enthusiast, had to mention the one smell that consistently makes life worth living.
Big CatSautéing onions with butter is the greatest smell ever
Sautéing onions is like the greatest smell ever. Yeah, some butter.
Deep Dive with Billy Football
Billy Football returned for a deep dive into the world of Vikings. Between debunking the myth of horned helmets and explaining how a guy in a barrel speared a giant in the taint, Billy managed to connect ancient Norse culture to the future of the NFL. His theory? Berserkers used mushrooms to handle the physical toll of battle, and maybe that's the key to the CTE crisis.
Billy FootballVikings used magic mushrooms to cure concussions and it could save modern football
Essentially Vikings might have caught cured concussions and save football. If they do the research and develop a drug where it's like, okay, this would actually speed up the process... these Berserkers definitely had CTE and like a lot of them lived to super old ages... we could save football.
Just remember, if you see a guy in a bear hood biting his shield on the sideline next year, Billy called it first.
