There has never been a better time to get a cold sore than during the quarantine

How about this for positivity? There's never been a better time to get a cold sore. I'm just saying that if you do get cold sores now is like you're hitting the lottery if you get one you don't have to go into work for a couple weeks, no one's ever going to know.

Returning to normalcy after the pandemic will be a gradual process, not a sudden switch

We're also not going back to normal like a light switch. We're not gonna be like, 'Hey, there we go. Now everyone just go party and we're cool.' It's going to be such a weird gradual thing where everyone is scared of each other because of germs.

The NBA is definitely going to cancel the rest of the 2019-2020 season

I saw it briefly and scrolled right by it. And then this is the first time thinking about the fact that [Adrian Wojnarowski] kind of hinted that and NBA is definitely going to cancel the rest of the season.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.