Takes

Space exploration isn't interesting until we actually land a human on Mars.

I kind of just don't care until we go to Mars. Call me when we're at Mars. I wanna see us on the moon again. How is that possible that we went on the moon in the sixties and we just never went back on it? Go to Mars or go back on the moon.

I will not mindlessly scroll on my phone unless I am walking on a treadmill pad

The rule I came up for myself with is: if I'm scrolling, I'm strolling. So I'm not gonna let myself just mindlessly scroll through my phone unless I'm on the walking pad. I feel like that's gonna make my steps... easy 12,000 a day.

Inhaled 'Protein Hookah' will revolutionize bro culture

A doctor claims that inhaled protein enters the bloodstream faster and absorb more efficiently. It's kinda like weed. All I'm saying is like keep your eye on this technology. Because it has the opportunity to revolutionize bro culture.

Society has gotten too soft — kids need dodgeball, the SAT, and pressure to build real toughness

The fact that we're not playing dodgeball in gym class, and even there should be some type of standardized tests. What happened to the SAT? Like we've gotten so soft on young people that you don't even have to go through like the pressure and stress of having to prepare for that test, take that test, have to get some type of a number. Or dodgeball in gym class. You don't think that this is gonna make people tougher and more resilient? Greater fortitude, be prepared to handle the things that come up in life, the ability to compete, have to respond from failure, deal with pressure.

Golf carts should replace cars as the primary mode of transportation for non-highway use

What is your thoughts on maybe moving away from cars and really locking in on the golf cart as transportation A to B and only using cars highway use only. So like neighborhoods outside of that. We're just using golf carts on an everyday basis for travel.

I am going to do a 72-hour fast to reset my system

I'm thinking about doing a 72 hour fast... People help me out. Let me know if I can do a 72 hour fast... I wanna test myself. Can I stop my addiction to food for 48 hours? Probably not.

Being the designated TV remote guy at a bar is a 10 out of 10 job

Had dinner at a local establishment last night and was informed that someone on staff was the designated TV remote guy to switch between games. No bartending, no waiting tables, just ball. 10 out of 10 job. You don't do this job without immense pride. It's the best job ever.

My coaching style isn't old school, it's the right school

When you say old school, it really does hit a sore spot with me... it's not old school. It's right school. I don't want to do anything old school. I want to do it the right way and the right way's been done for not 20 years, not 40 years, 100 years. You know, you hold people accountable. You play for the name on the front, not the back.

High Point is not a real school; it is a four-year post-high school vacation

High Point isn't a real school. It's vacation. It's vacation use four years of post high school vacation... Students in Madison right now still have another like, solid month and a half of Winter. High Point is going and eating ice cream and in their shorts and flip flops and having steaks.

America needs a 'Husbands for Guys' service to handle car mechanics and home repairs

Why there should be a service just guy for hire that he's not a mechanic, but he knows everything about cars. He takes your car into the mechanic shop and just makes sure you don't get banged. We could call it husbands for guys. You keep your pride as a human being and as a man intact.

I need to get into a car accident that totals my car so I have an excuse to buy a new one

I need to get in an accident that totals this car so that I have no choice but to get a new car. I want to get a sick car. That way I don't even have a choice.

The altitude on airplanes causes people to cry during movies

I was tearing up [at the F1 movie]. It's the altitude. The altitude. I didn't even like the movie that much, but the end got me and they like, oh, it's 'cause you were on a plane. That's a thing.

Adults who wear swim shirts at the pool look like children

If you wear a swim shirt as an adult, you just you look like a child. They shouldn't sell adult swim shirts. I agree. No shirts belong everywhere but in the water.

I am against prenups because marriage should be forever

I'm against prenups. Because if you're getting married, you're never—you're getting married to be together forever. If you really love someone, the money shouldn't matter.

If your relationship is built on the Chili's Triple Dipper, you will make it

If the foundation of your relationship is the Chili's Triple Dipper or bottomless chips and salsa, you're gonna make it. They're not thinking prenups or joint bachelorette parties.

Laser tag is a children's game and it's terrible for adults

Why were you playing laser tag as an adult? Laser tag sucks. It's a children's game. I guarantee you I've played more laser tag in the last five years than any of you guys... every laser tag, the guns don't work. You hit someone and it doesn't register.

Good laser tag exists and it kicks ass

Laser tag kicks ass. There's good laser tag places, there's bad laser tag places. If we set it up right, it would be good. Laser tag done properly kicks ass.

A joint bachelor/bachelorette party is a 'pre-crime' indicating a lack of trust

If you do a joint bachelor bachelorette party, you just, that's pre-crime. That's the most insane thing possible. It's, it's, it's not, it's bad, bad behavior. It's, it's, that means you just don't trust each other.

The half marathon is a joke of a race that isn't a 'real' accomplishment

Half marathon's gotta be the lamest thing to break. Call it a 10,000, what is it? 10,000 meters. Half marathon is bullshit. Make it a full marathon or make it a 10K. It's just a joke. It is a joke of a race. In principle it is a joke.

I will commit to soccer if the USA wins the World Cup

If we win the World Cup, I will, I will commit to soccer... If we win the World Cup, I'll get a cat with [Hank]. We'll both get cats. If we win the World Cup.

Winter is officially over and next week will be golf weather

I think it's the official end of winter. Winter's done. Next week it's gonna be 60. Get the golf shoes out, get the shorts out. We made it another year of winter in Chicago.

Doing 30 minutes of cardio drastically improves your video game performance

If you do 30 minutes of cardio, it could drastically change performance in virtual worlds such as video games. I hit the treadmill last night... I was two and three, but that's drastically better because the previous evenings I was like oh and six, oh and seven.

Silver or Bronze in figure skating is more impressive than in a race

I think getting silver or bronze in figure skating is more impressive than silver or bronze in a race. Because silver and bronze in a race is like, yeah, you just weren't the fastest. Like there's only one fastest. But if someone walked in like, I got silver in the 100 meter dash, you're not the fastest. Silver in figure skating? Holy shit, that's impressive.

Trader Joe's is the 'second wife' of grocery stores

Trader Joe's is nice for a fling, but that's not a grocery store you marry. I think it's your second wife. First marriage you go with like a Kroger or a Food Lion... then you get divorced and Trader Joe's has all that stuff that you like. So then you know more your second time around.

Peptides are the play for weight loss and health in 2026

Through some limited extensive research, I think part of my peptides might be the play. All the hot people online are just like, 'these are what you need to do. Take these peptides, you'll lose a bunch of weight.'

The Olympics should have a permanent home in Hammond, Indiana, to avoid wasting money and time zone issues

Just build a permanent Olympics in Hammond, Indiana... every time they do the Olympics, if you look at, you know, Rio and all these places, it just becomes a waste of money... I don't like the Olympics when it's not in our time zone.

My 'dinner simulator' habit of building food orders and not buying them is a sign of good self-control

Instead of going and making myself a snack or making myself food or ordering food, I'll just pull up the apps, Uber Eats... and I'll just like put together an order of what I would order if I were to get something. And then I clear my cart and I go to bed... It's really good self-control.

I am facing a potential '10-day termination' from my apartment after a meeting with my landlord

Had a really constructive meeting with my building... but he introduced a new term. I was not familiar with a 10 day termination... next time it's like, it's a 10 day legal 10 day. Wow. I didn't know 10 day was a thing.

I might get evicted because my alarm clock went off for two days while I was on vacation

I accidentally kind of alarm clock too close to the sun recently... I had left my alarm clock plugged in... My alarm clock is going off like today and yesterday. We're gonna have to take like a meeting here... There's a world where like, I'm the worst neighbor of all time and I just left my irrationally loud alarm clock going.

I am quitting nicotine pouches cold turkey

I just quit pouches. Quit decided fuck nicotine pouches. I'm out on nicotine pouches. I'm out on all nicotine... about two full days, two and a half days off. It's not easy... My resolution is that I'm just gonna smoke cigarettes... The only time I'm allowed to have nicotine is if I'm smoking an actual cigarette... I'm out, I'm just gonna go cold turkey.

I will be running a Dungeons and Dragons cruise to Alaska in October 2026

I am gonna be doing a D&D cruise this year... called D3 at Sea... in October, we're gonna be going to Alaska and it's a week. So if you were already going to Alaska and wanted to do the trip, I know I have family members who have gotten really stoked to do that stuff.

Every person is a Dungeons and Dragons fan, they just don't know it yet

We all are D&D guys. We all, we just don't know it yet.

Dungeons and Dragons is the universal game of imagination that everyone has already played

I like to say D&D is the game that everyone has played. Even if you only did it when you were a kid and didn't know it was D&D, it is just the game of imagination that we all play. And it's the, it is the universal game in many ways.

Society was better when people who performed mentalist tricks were treated like witches

We used to be a proper society. We used to drown those people, like witches burn them. Yeah. Like it's getting a little to the point where it's like, should we throw, should we throw some rocks at him at the town square?

Amateur kid mentalists are scarier than the professional ones

There was just a kid at summer camp... last year too showed up was a high school kid and was literally guessing my pin number for my ATM account. If you can do that and other people can do that, that's almost scarier. Like they're just living among us.

Clerics are actually very powerful in this edition of Dungeons and Dragons

Clerics are actually really powerful in this edition, so I don't mind playing them. It's pretty good. Also, when you're the healer kind of means everyone has to be nice to you.

The name 'Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers' instills fear in opponents

I love that. I love that people hear that name and they go running for the hills... A name that instills fear.

Wolves teach superior values like community and sacrifice compared to human parenting

The wolves taught him [Big Cat] well. It taught him about community, talking about teamwork, sacrifice. Nature being noble, humility, pack above self.

I am the reason my father is dead because he died during my birth

My father Mr. Tradewind was actually like the greatest dad ever. But he passed away during childbirth... Mama Tradewind said that I reminded her too much of the barbarian father and that's why she cast me out... the reason that I'm alive, he is dead.

Going to Disney World after winning the Super Bowl is actually a punishment

The Disney world thing that they have to do is just punishment. Sam Darnold and Kenneth Walker being in the teacups right after the game when it's like all you wanna do is party with your boys. That sucks.

Stop comparing your boat to others and just appreciate your own boat

There's a lot of guys looking at your boat... that'd be enough boat for me. I think not to make this about life, but it's, it's just something to remember. There's probably somebody looking at your boat going that's that's good enough for me. I should stop looking at the other boats.

No one ever needs to actually 'check out' of a hotel

I've never checked out of a hotel in my entire life... The most I've ever done is once in a while... put your room key in here when you leave. Other than that... I think I threw it in the trash.

PFT Commenter is done dunking forever - retiring from attempting to dunk

My fire fest. I don't think I'm gonna dunk again. I think I'm gonna have to learn how to play below the rim. So I'm calling it quits on attempting to dunk anymore in my future.

I don't want to get the lottery ball today and I don't want a new machine

We're down, I think we have four more lottery ball guesses on this machine. And then we're getting the new machine. I personally do not want to get it. I don't wanna get it.

The average global height for men is only 5'9"

I'm also five nine like Diego Pavia... That is average globally. I have, you never take what you take out that NFC West... When we say globally, we mean globally. Right. So five nine.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

I will use my bare hand to unclog a toilet at a party if no plunger is available

I have used my hand... I've used my hand in a trash bag. You put your hand in a trash bag... The trash bag works. If you're in a, I mean, I guess in a home it might be tough, but you just, whatever the little trash is next to everyone's got one little trash next to the sink. You just get the trash bag out of there. Dump it hand in. Unplug.

I am officially committed to 'No Naps' for the entirety of Super Bowl week

I will [raw dog it]... a hundred percent stay awake. No naps. No fucking naps. Usually they, it, it's been a while since we've been in like a Patriot Super Bowl week. So it's like, it is a different mindset.

Alex Honnold is a 'fucking idiot' for his free solo climbs

He's a fucking idiot. And I hated every second of it... as a person who's terrified of heights watching him get up to those bamboo rings...stood up at the top in the wind forever. Fuck this guy. I can't watch any more of it.

Society will collapse and we are living in a simulation if the Rams beat the Broncos 23-14 in the Super Bowl

O's the Mentalist made a prediction for the Super Bowl... the Rams to beat the Broncos 23 to 14. If that does happen, I think we can all agree that this is all a simulation and everything is fake. Society will collapse if O's the Mentalist is right about his Super Bowl pick and the score... that is proof that none of this is real. We're living in a computer.