I might get evicted because my alarm clock went off for two days while I was on vacation
I accidentally kind of alarm clock too close to the sun recently... I had left my alarm clock plugged in... My alarm clock is going off like today and yesterday. We're gonna have to take like a meeting here... There's a world where like, I'm the worst neighbor of all time and I just left my irrationally loud alarm clock going.
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View episodeGetting your wife pregnant is the secret to winning golf tournaments
If you want to win a golf tournament, you have to get your wife pregnant. And then sure enough, either right after you give birth or right after you conceive, you will get an interview right after you win something and you'll announce it.
A baseball player must reach 2,000 hits to be considered elite
I think most real seam heads would say like 2000 hits. If you get to 2000 hits, you're probably elite. ... if you get to 2000, that's the big number in baseball. Everyone talks about you gotta get to 2000 hits.
Bryce Harper will return to being a beast this season after disrespect from his GM
Bryce Harper's been nothing but good. And Dave Dombrowski disrespecting him like that. Bryce has every right to be upset about that. ... I think he's gonna be a beast this year. He's gonna return to being a beast.
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View profileThe Bengals are a scary team now
The Bengals are gonna be a scary, scary team.
Hockey players are terrible at every sport except golf
Hockey players are terrible at every other sport besides golf.
The Bengals will win the Super Bowl
Super Bowl winner, we're gonna go with the Bengals. They're gonna play against the Lions. ... That's going to be the Bengals.