Takes

Roman Anthony is a defensive liability for the Red Sox because everyone is successfully running on him in left field.

Roman Anthony, world baseball classic hero. But he has been, he's become a meme basically. If he can't, he just can't throw anyone out from left field. Everyone's just running on Roman. Shane tried to tell me he was great last year, but he was playing right field. Now he's playing left field... it's just not good.

Space exploration isn't interesting until we actually land a human on Mars.

I kind of just don't care until we go to Mars. Call me when we're at Mars. I wanna see us on the moon again. How is that possible that we went on the moon in the sixties and we just never went back on it? Go to Mars or go back on the moon.

The $1.2 billion valuation of the Enhanced Games is a fake number.

The enhanced games just got valued at $1.2 billion. And the enhanced games... are the steroid users alternative to the Olympics. It's being run by Peter Thiel. It sounds like it's a fake valuation because it just sounds good to say $1.2 billion.

The Masters is 'above' selling gimmick hats with pimento cheese on them.

The Masters shouldn't have hats that you could like, that says like Peach on it, right? Pimento? I just feel like the Masters is like above that. The Masters has such a cool logo and they're so like strict with it that like that's all they need, you know?

Inhaled 'Protein Hookah' will revolutionize bro culture

A doctor claims that inhaled protein enters the bloodstream faster and absorb more efficiently. It's kinda like weed. All I'm saying is like keep your eye on this technology. Because it has the opportunity to revolutionize bro culture.

Tiger Woods should just never drive again

He should just never drive again.

If Tiger makes the cut at Augusta a week after his DUI arrest, it would be the most impressive sports story in the last 10 years

What if he played well? How would the announcers talk about it? I think they'd immediately jump to like what a redemption story this is. Tiger making the cut out of Augusta after getting arrested for DUI seven days before — is this the most impressive sports story that we've had in the last 10 years?

Jupiter GC Lynx will never win a TGL championship

I actually say right now, Jupiter's never gonna win one. Unlike Saturn, no rings. It is crazy that we got Tiger Woods and we can't win.

Tom Brady never processed 9/11 because he was such a psycho about football

He just had delayed onset grief. Anything that happened during his playing career, he never processed any of it outside of football. Tom Brady probably never processed 9/11. He was such a psycho, all he cared about was football. He probably found out about it like two years ago.

Puka Nacua's lawyer is the worst in America for admitting the bite occurred

Puka has hired an attorney who dismissed the conduct as horseplay, but admitted that the bite occurred. It left a temporary mark. So this is not a good lawyer. My problem is, is Puka Nacua has hired the worst lawyer in America to defend him against the biting allegations. Your lawyer should never step in front of a camera and say, 'yes, he did the shit.'

Being the designated TV remote guy at a bar is a 10 out of 10 job

Had dinner at a local establishment last night and was informed that someone on staff was the designated TV remote guy to switch between games. No bartending, no waiting tables, just ball. 10 out of 10 job. You don't do this job without immense pride. It's the best job ever.

NVIDIA's DLSS 5 is an AI takeover that is hurting graphics and animation jobs

Nvidia did a, our, oh, I don't know the stock hand off the top of my head... they announced a product DLSS five. So they're, they're bringing AI into like video games, animations and like graphics. So like kind of boxing out guys. Like people who, like jobs that would've been done by humans are now more getting outsourced. AI not cool.

The NBA will expand to Seattle and Las Vegas by the 2028-2029 season

NBA expansion teams. Yes. Seattle and Vegas. I think it's 28, 20 29... Little bit, little bit of a shuffle [moving Minnesota and Memphis to the East].

I am against prenups because marriage should be forever

I'm against prenups. Because if you're getting married, you're never—you're getting married to be together forever. If you really love someone, the money shouldn't matter.

If your relationship is built on the Chili's Triple Dipper, you will make it

If the foundation of your relationship is the Chili's Triple Dipper or bottomless chips and salsa, you're gonna make it. They're not thinking prenups or joint bachelorette parties.

Team USA would have lost the gold medal game if they listened to Aaron Judge's speech

That was one of the worst speeches of all time. If they're, why don't put that out. If you're world ba baseball classic, don't put that out. I think they're trying to get a little bit of the buzz from the Olympics team. USA would've lost the gold medal game if, if if someone stood up and gave Aaron Judge's speech.

Floyd Mayweather is running out of money

My Hot Seat is Floyd Mayweather. 'cause I'm starting to think Floyd Mayweather might not have a lot of money left. ... It feels like Floyd Mayweather shouldn't be fighting this much at his age.

Rams fans should be worried because Puka Nacua is focused on everything but football right now

My Hot Seat this week is gonna be Rams fans. ... Puka might be focused on everything but football right now. He's on an elite bachelor run. ... I just feel when you're on this kind of heater, I think it, it's gonna transcend and he, this is gonna bleed into the regular season football.

Fanatics and Nike failed American fans by not producing enough USA hockey jerseys after the gold medal win

My Hot Seat: Fanatics and Nike... They thought that Canada was gonna win the gold, so they just did not make enough USA jerseys. And so by the time USA won the gold, they were already sold out. It's disgusting. Drop the ball.

Heat 2 will be a 'disgusting' (great) film starring Christian Bale and Leonardo DiCaprio

My Cool Throne: Heat 2. Christian Bale. Leonardo DiCaprio. Disgusting film. Hell yes. I trust Jake Hamilton. He reported it. Christian Bale, Leo DiCaprio, Heat 2. I'm in. Awesome.

Jacob Bridgeman's wife is wrong; he is a better golfer than he is a person

Jacob Bridgeman... there was a clip on PGA tour posted from his wife that said he is a better person than he is a golfer. Not true. Not true, dude. You just won a PGA Tour tournament... You're a top 50 golfer alive right now. You're not top 50 human beings. Sorry buddy.

The UFL's three-point conversion and no punting rules are too gimmicky

The UFL just unveiled their rules today. A little bit gimmicky. They're doing a four point field goal for long field goals. You're not allowed to punt inside the 50 yard line. And then they've got one, two, and three point conversions. I don't like the banning of punting inside the 50. Field goals are worth three points. We don't want more field goals.

Mayweather and Pacquiao fighting at the Sphere is the coolest possible sporting event

Mayweather and Pacquiao were fighting again. Mayweather's 49, Pacquiao is 47. Why? This sucks. [PFT says it's at the Sphere]. Sphere? Oh fuck. I'm in. I'm so in. I'm so fucking in. That's awesome. The first sporting event. Sick.

Doing 30 minutes of cardio drastically improves your video game performance

If you do 30 minutes of cardio, it could drastically change performance in virtual worlds such as video games. I hit the treadmill last night... I was two and three, but that's drastically better because the previous evenings I was like oh and six, oh and seven.

Wendy's is having a 'rebuilding year' in fast food

Wendy's is to close hundreds of restaurants in 2026. And what interim CEO Ken Cook calls a rebuilding year. ... They're tanking for draft picks. Trust the process.

Tiger Woods will play in the Masters this year

Tiger Woods and the Masters. 'cause he has said that he has not ruled out playing in the masters this year. ... The way that he said it makes me think it's on, he's right. It's on. He's loading.

I might get evicted because my alarm clock went off for two days while I was on vacation

I accidentally kind of alarm clock too close to the sun recently... I had left my alarm clock plugged in... My alarm clock is going off like today and yesterday. We're gonna have to take like a meeting here... There's a world where like, I'm the worst neighbor of all time and I just left my irrationally loud alarm clock going.

Midweek college basketball is better than the NBA

That's why I love college basketball so much, especially this time of year where every game feels so important... there's nothing like these college basketball games, a midweek game where the crowd and you get true home court advantage. And it feels like there's big, big time stakes.

The Bears, Saints, or Chiefs will win the Super Bowl next year

The Chiefs, the Bears and the Saints because since 2020 the only Super Bowl winners have been the Chiefs or NFC teams getting their second Super Bowl in franchise history. So that leaves us the Chiefs, the Bears or the Saints for next year. So I like that. I like my chances there.

Landon Dickerson and Lane Johnson will definitely be back for the Eagles next season

They'll be back. They'll be back... a couple months away from the game and you know, your body starts to heal up a little bit. You start to get that itch, they'll be back.

LeBron James is the face of the NBA until the day he retires

As long as LeBron's in the league, LeBron is not only the face of the league, but definitely has a weighted opinion on basketball... LeBron is the face of the league until he is no longer in the league.

The Super Bowl halftime show is for chicks

The Super Bowl halftime show is—is—is for chicks... I don't think the average NFL fan is like, man, I hope this Super Bowl halftime show is awesome. I don't give a fuck.

The average global height for men is only 5'9"

I'm also five nine like Diego Pavia... That is average globally. I have, you never take what you take out that NFC West... When we say globally, we mean globally. Right. So five nine.

Sydney Sweeney will become a billionaire through her new bra business venture

Sydney Sweeney's getting into the bra game and it's over. It's a wrap. Probably the most No doubt... Sydney Sweeney bras, this is going to, she's gonna do well. Congrats to Sydney Sweeney becoming a billionaire.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

LIV Golf will be defunct within five years

Do you think that that Liv will be around in five years? [Hank]: No.

The US government will confirm the existence of aliens this week

Aliens might drop this week. Like, like there's aliens might drop this week... [The White House] might confirm the existence of aliens as early as this week. And just be ready for the outcome of that.

My dream retirement is to hire a pitcher I can hit home runs off of every single day

My dream is to have like a shit load of land and build a baseball field... I wake up on a Tuesday at 9:00 AM, I go down to my baseball field. There's a pitcher down there who's gonna pitch me and I'm just gonna go fucking yard on him over and over and he's gonna be like, 'fuck, I don't have it today.'

The LIV Dam is about to break with Brooks Koepka's return to the PGA

Brooks is back. ... If one of [Bryson DeChambeau, Jon Rahm, or Cam Smith] flips, that's a second massive domino that it will be tough to come back from. ... The damn could break.

John Rahm will flip back to the PGA Tour

I think John Rahm's gonna come back. I don't know about Cam Smith, but Rahm feels like the next guy that's going to flip [from LIV to PGA].

LeBron James will announce his retirement at the All-Star Game

He's gonna announce he's retiring at the All-Star game. They're gonna rig it so that he can win the all-star MVP. It's in LA. And then he's gonna say, I'm retiring.

I love Ben Johnson for saying 'Fuck the Packers'

He was asked on Monday about his 'fuck the Packers' comments and everyone freaking out about it and he did not apologize. And I absolutely love it. ... I want Ben Johnson to be the outsider who like is like, fuck all of you, I'm here to do a job.

Trey Young will be traded from the Atlanta Hawks in a mutual parting of ways

My Hot Seat is Trey Young. Because it looks like he is asking, demanding to be traded from the Atlanta Hawks and the Hawks are also trying to trade him. So I guess this is like a mutual parting of ways.

It is hypocritical for LeBron James to complain about playing on Christmas after doing it for 20 years

LeBron's been playing on Christmas for 20 years. Like, what are you talking about? Now, you're upset? I should [mention] though... Christmas Day [games] are ruined now because they don't play defense in the league.

Road teams have a significant advantage in NFL games played on Christmas Day

Remember last year Christmas, the lesson that we learned... you fade the home team because they're doing all the family stuff, eating big meals on Christmas Eve. The road team has the advantage on Christmas Day.

Bobby Petrino is a man of character who will clean up the North Carolina locker room as offensive coordinator

Bobby Petrino is going to be their new offense coordinator for next season. And I think that's a great hire. This is fun that Bobby Petrino, a man of character can get in, clean up that locker room and, and really change it from being a circus into a, a run of the mill workman like professional football organization.

Eating Ben's Chili Bowl at Reagan Airport before a flight should be banned for safety reasons

Eating that before you get onto a flight... that should, it should be box cutters and Ben's Chili Bowl. The two things that you can't bring on a flight.

The NCAA Tournament is the most fair tournament in sports

My Hot Seat is Joel Klatt. He said that the NCAA tournament is a joke. ... Most unfair tournament in all sports? It's the most fair.

The College Football Playoff should expand to a 16-team format

We do love Cinderellas in the first couple of rounds. And this is why they should go to a 16 team playoff and we should give the Cinderellas a chance. I'm excited to see JMU play. Fuck it.

JMU isn't like Liberty; they will be competitive in the playoff

We're not fucking Liberty, dude. We have sex at James Madison University. It's encouraged, it's mandatory. ... If one of those teams keeps it competitive, they might not change the format too much.