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HankHank

Jacob Bridgeman's wife is wrong; he is a better golfer than he is a person

Jacob Bridgeman... there was a clip on PGA tour posted from his wife that said he is a better person than he is a golfer. Not true. Not true, dude. You just won a PGA Tour tournament... You're a top 50 golfer alive right now. You're not top 50 human beings. Sorry buddy.

This is a subjective, comedic judgment of value.

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Feb 25, 2026
#20258
Big CatBig Cat

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?

The Dolphins' internal view on 'everything being on the table' is a subjective claim about team strategy.
Void
Feb 25, 2026
#20259
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Trent Williams is the rare offensive lineman who is actually fun to watch play

Trent Williams is a joy to have on your team. He's just a fucking bully. He's also the rare offensive lineman where you have fun watching him play. Like after the ball was snapped, my eyes would just go to Trent Williams because it's like this guy, we might throw an interception, but Trent Williams might punch a guy in the throat.

This is a subjective opinion about entertainment value.
Loss
Feb 25, 2026
#24424
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Joe Schoen is effectively fired if he has to publicly clarify that he hasn't been fired

If you ever have to describe the fact that, like, by the way, I'm not fired. You're pretty much fired. Right? Nobody has ever said, 'Hey, just so you know, technically I'm not fired,' and then they got an extension after that.

Joe Schoen remains the Giants GM through the 2024 and 2025 seasons, making this a failed prediction in the short term, though the take is grounded in the irony of the statement.

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HankHank

The Commanders will roll over the Cowboys

I think the Commanders are gonna roll this game. The Eagles are good and the Commanders almost beat them. The Commanders are gonna beat the Cowboys.

The Commanders-Cowboys result and margin will determine this prediction.
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HankHank

The Bills are the AFC team to beat

Josh Allen's in his prime, they looked unbelievable. They're gonna be probably the team to beat in the AFC.

The Bills' 2026 season and AFC finish have not been resolved yet.
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HankHank

Steve Ballmer is eating shit

Who's back of the week is eating shit. Steve Ballmer.

This is a subjective characterization of Ballmer's public response.