Hockey is only America's fourth most important sport and we still beat Canada

I choose to win with class. Does it hurt for Canada that I graciously said hockey is our fourth like the fourth sport we're best at? We're football, baseball, basketball... and then hockey. I love hockey, but it's our fourth most important sport. And Canada, Canada's everything. And we fucking beat you. And we have the gold.

Olympic coaches should receive medals along with the athletes

Did you know that the coaches don't get medals? That's bullshit. Bizarre. [PFT: They get the stuffed animal though.] Oh man. [Big Cat:] Could you imagine being a Canadian and that is your sport and it's everything... and then afterwards they're like, 'Hey, here's a Labu Booo.'

Norway shouldn't count in the Winter Olympic medal standings because they invented all the sports

Norway's like the friend that's like, 'Hey, do you want to come to my house and play all my video games and I'll beat you at all of them?' That's what Norway does. If you take out Norway, which you should, we [the US] dominated these Olympics.

The Tesla-SpaceX Car Is a Lethal Public Weapon

I think we're going zero to 60 in like 0.8 seconds, which just feels like a lethal weapon for the public to have. I don't know how I feel about this. It's cool to see on a track. I don't know if it's gonna be cool to see on a highway.

Penny Hardaway's roster investment is a genius move

If Penny Hardaway has money, putting two to three million dollars in your roster—if your team does well, you could probably make millions more on your contract. It's actually a genius move. More guys should do it.

The Ravens could go unnecessarily far this season

This could be a catalyst for the Ravens. The Ravens could go unnecessarily far this season.