Hockey is only America's fourth most important sport and we still beat Canada

I choose to win with class. Does it hurt for Canada that I graciously said hockey is our fourth like the fourth sport we're best at? We're football, baseball, basketball... and then hockey. I love hockey, but it's our fourth most important sport. And Canada, Canada's everything. And we fucking beat you. And we have the gold.

Olympic coaches should receive medals along with the athletes

Did you know that the coaches don't get medals? That's bullshit. Bizarre. [PFT: They get the stuffed animal though.] Oh man. [Big Cat:] Could you imagine being a Canadian and that is your sport and it's everything... and then afterwards they're like, 'Hey, here's a Labu Booo.'

Norway shouldn't count in the Winter Olympic medal standings because they invented all the sports

Norway's like the friend that's like, 'Hey, do you want to come to my house and play all my video games and I'll beat you at all of them?' That's what Norway does. If you take out Norway, which you should, we [the US] dominated these Olympics.

The Bengals are a scary team now

The Bengals are gonna be a scary, scary team.

Hockey players are terrible at every sport except golf

Hockey players are terrible at every other sport besides golf.

The Bengals will win the Super Bowl

Super Bowl winner, we're gonna go with the Bengals. They're gonna play against the Lions. ... That's going to be the Bengals.