Billy Football

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.

Throwing a house party in high school is only fun the first time

Throwing a house party in high school. When parents aren't there. It's fun the first time you might get away with it. You might not, but you still had that one time. But then you can't really do it again. Or if you do it again, it gets out of hand. Your first one's a banger people, the bar's gonna be so high for the future ones that like you can only go downhill.

All humans are animals, and you should look for the animal within you

Love you guys. All humans are animals. If you're ever feeling down, look for the animal within you.

Davante Adams will be traded to the Jets at the deadline

Aaron Rogers took a $35 million pay cut. Right. Davante Adams... I'm very happy with the contract. I feel great about it on his contract. So hypothetically at the trade deadline, something were to happen. Like we have super teams now.

Serena Williams did more for tennis than Tiger Woods did for golf

She did more than Tiger Woods did for golf.

Travis Kelce is a pussy for fighting Jack Cochrane in training camp

Jack Cochrane's the dude who pissed off Travis Kelce. So shout out that guy for exposing Travis Kelce for being a pussy. ... That was getting into it. 'cause he got hit once just like a little bit after the play and he got pissed off.

Polar bears are 'huge pussies' compared to grizzly bears

Polar bears are huge pussies. They actually, every time they meet grizzly bears in the wild, they like run away. 'cause grizzly bears are about that action. They scrap harder than polar bears. It's because their population densities are higher. So they see other grizzly bears and fight them more.

You do not want to mess with the United States Women's National Soccer Team

You do not want to fuck with the United States Women's National Soccer team. They're going for three straight women's world cups right now. And you don't wanna screw with them. They're dominant.

Offensive line culture requires 'weird fat guy' behavior to build a good team

Offensive linemen just have a different culture... you need weird fat guy shit to make your team good.

Modern fans don't care about Marshall Faulk because he is overshadowed by better players

Marshall Faulk was not a—no one gives a fuck about Marshall Faulk. I'm sorry. Besides you guys. His name gets overshadowed by like, so much better players. If you throw a Christian McCaffrey in there, that's more of a spike for like modern fans.

Who even remembers Johnny Unitas anymore?

Does anyone remember Johnny Unitas? They do but like, not as a great... Who the fuck's Johnny Unitas?

Aaron Rodgers is immune to the New York media circus

Aaron Rodgers is immune to the media circus. He's got natural immunity to the New York media.

Zach Wilson is still the future of the Jets

I still think that [Zach Wilson] has the physical capabilities to be, you know, an amazing Mahomes quarterback. The man can make any throw on the field. I mean, his head, you know, he's young. He's confused... but the man can make some amazing throws and I hope Aaron Rodgers gets his head right.

Travis Kelce 'runs soft' and doesn't run enough people over

I don't think he runs that... like he does get crazy yak, but I don't think he, like, he doesn't run anyone over... I just would like to see him do it... it comes up in the him versus Gronk debate.

Chiefs Aholic is the last outlaw of the West

Chiefs Aholic is really the last outlaw of the West. Roaming from Kansas City to Oklahoma, even to Arizona for the Super Bowl on leave. He did not report to court. And he's probably down in Mexico like many outlaws before him. You know, embodying the spirit of those like Josie Wales, Wild Bill Hickok.

Football players who don't play and then transfer are 'snitches' for reporting hazing

No dudes who don't play in transfer are the biggest snitches ever. ... Cuz they're, they're the only ones who's like, there's something wrong with this program. It's not wrong with me. It's the program that's wrong.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

There are more trees in Canada than there are stars in the Milky Way

You know what I learned today? There's more trees in Canada than there are Stars in the Milky Way. Is that true? Damn. Yeah. I went to a museum today.

The Nuclear Powered Aircraft Carrier is the ultimate piece of heavy machinery

Nuclear powered aircraft carrier... they can just go forever because they got a nuclear reactor on board... China doesn't have an actual [one]... It's why we're the GOAT.

Travis Kelce 'runs soft' and should try running someone over more often

I just think you could be a little more... you could end a couple of those, like run someone over. You could run a little more physical. He thinks you run soft... I think it's because you can, but you don't and that's what... can you just like run someone over like, like, you know, dude?

The Russian Wagner Group rebellion was a PSYOP intended to dupe Ukraine

It was a PSYOP for the market. There was a PSYOP. Okay, Putin's Gucci. He just did that whole thing to make Ukraine think they could take back Bakhmut and then they're gonna do a pincer move on him... They were able to move troops under the guise that they're doing a coup. And now Ukraine thought they were going to Moscow, but now they're just North [of Bakhmut].

Zach Bryan is the best musical artist of my generation

Check out Zach Bryan if you haven't. I think he's the best artist of ever. My generation. My generation.

Will Compton is a next-level athlete and I couldn't make a play on him in one-on-ones

I barked up the wrong tree. I was feeling myself at Tight End University... and I challenged Will Compton to one-on-ones and I got the clamps put on me. I tried to run a couple fades on him and failed and you know, looking back, the best man won. He just plays next-level defense and I couldn't get it over... my brain's just testing my body all the time.

Ja Morant flashes guns on Instagram Live as a safety precaution to deter potential threats.

I kind of get why he's flashing a gun on Instagram live. Because his location is revealed. He wants anyone watching his Instagram live to know that he's strapped. It's a safety thing.

I have probably walked by at least six serial killers in my lifetime

Number of serial killers walked by. I think it's over three people. Holy shit, six. I like that because then it's like, holy shit.

Orcas are attacking boats to train their young to hunt, not for revenge

Update on those orca attacks. Turns out the orcas may be using the boats that they're attacking to train the younger orcas, how to hunt. It may not be some sort of retribution situation.

D3 football is better at molding young men than D1 football

So D3 football is actually better than D1 football... In terms of molding young men probably. Because I would end up, if I tried walking on a D1, I'd see D1 parties and be like, oh shit, why am I doing this?

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the GOAT because he achieved his physique with fewer steroids than modern bodybuilders

Basically Arnold started talking about his steroid use for the first time and talked about his cycle and basically he wasn't on that much steroids compared to a lot of guys today in body building, which just goes to show that he is the goat.

The Russians are radicalizing orcas to attack ships in NATO waters

So the Russians have been training beluga whales to be spies in NATO waters and with all these recent orca attacks are the Russians, radicalizing orcas? ... The orcas haven't been acting like that before.

Antonio Brown will dominate the Arena Football League

I think [Antonio Brown] will probably dominate them if I had to guess. He was in the league, what, two years ago? He won a Super Bowl three years ago.

Orcas will be a major problem for humans in the future

Orcas have been attacking boats off the coast of Spain recently and been training other orcas to do it too. There's gonna be an orca human problem for the future.

There will be a massive tick population this year due to the mild winter

We had a very mild winter. There's a lot of ticks. The winter didn't kill the ticks. There's gonna be a lot of ticks. Tick-borne diseases are no joke. Be careful out there. Do tick checks. Get a buddy, get naked.

I am not moving to Chicago with the rest of the show

I will not be moving to Chicago. Kind of been in denial about it. It sucks to say there are various parts of my life that I keep private that impacted this decision. I hope you guys respect the decision. Please just remember that I am the only one who can weigh all the factors that impact my life.

AI-powered robots will kill us all in less than a year

If you guys watch the episode metalhead [from Black Mirror], that's actually happening in real life... They gave Boston Dynamics robots brains and now they can do whatever they want. Think for themselves. ... I still think we got less than a year left. We're cooked.

The Jets are definitely going to the playoffs and might make a Super Bowl run

Jets are definitely gonna go to the playoffs. They might make a run Super Bowls. I'm actually so hyped. They top five defense. They have weapons and they have Aaron Rodgers. I really don't see how this goes wrong.

CJ Stroud is a risky draft pick because he is an Ohio State quarterback

CJ Stroud is a very good QB. Very, very good. The only thing is that I got against him is that he's an Ohio State quarterback. And how many really great Ohio State quarterbacks we've seen coming out that just haven't really panned out

Bryce Young is too small and has a slender frame that will lead to injuries

I get the Bryce Young hype. I get it. The thing is... you can't put 30 pounds on Bryce Young. His frame is, his frame is just, it does, it's not gonna work. If you look at his frame, he's slender at the shoulders... Because of that, like, he's gonna be more injury prone.

Anthony Richardson is a 'follower' because he copied Will Levis hitting the ceiling at his pro day

Anthony Richardson did it and said that he hit the roof on purpose because Will Levis did it. This is my red flag. I want my quarterback to be a leader, not a follower. Like he was copying someone else. He was like following the lead.

Hendon Hooker will be the best quarterback of the 2023 draft class

Hendon Hooker wins... I think Hendon Hooker has the best combination of falling to a bad spot and having good enough talent to like make it in the long run.

Malik Murphy is the real sleeper in the Texas QB battle and has the best arm on the team

In reality in the UT quarterback competition, there was a big dark horse sleeper that no one saw coming in Malik Murphy... I think has the best arm out of any of the quarterbacks on the team. Quinn Ewers did have an amazing day... but this Malik Murphy guy just was throwing bombs out there.

The MLB pitch clock makes fans feel rushed and ruins the 'fuck around' time at the stadium

I fucking hate the pitch clock... because I sit down there... I'm trying to chit chat, socialize like how I usually do... I feel like I'm rushed at a table, at a restaurant that's trying to flip table. I want there to be more fuck around time. So if I get food, I don't miss anything.

No one should be judged for their actions when their heart rate is over 150 BPM

No one should be, no one should be judged for their actions when their heart rate's over 150 beats per minute. I agree with that. That that's what I believe.

Patrick Mahomes would not perform well in Kyle Shanahan's highly structured offense

I don't actually think Mahomes would do that well in [Shanahan's offense]... I think it's too structured for Mahomes' play style. [The Chiefs] let him cook more often than not.

Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same room will fix Wilson's career

Aaron Rodgers... he might be the one guy that's able to fix what are the fuck's happening in Zach Wilson... Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same quarterback room is going to actually help... At least they do Ayahuasca together.

Oleksandr Usyk will beat Tyson Fury when they fight for the unified heavyweight title

I actually think Usyk could beat Fury. That's why I think Fury's been trying to duck him for the big belt, for the all the belts.

Zach Wilson's physical ceiling is Patrick Mahomes

Ceiling is Patrick Mahomes. Ceiling. Physically, they can make the same throws. Physically. They may not do it at the right times, or as accurately, but he can do the same thing.

The New York media ruins Jets quarterbacks by sensationalizing negative news to gain clicks.

The New York media sensationalizes quarterbacks' performances to gain clicks and remain competitive in the big media market. Amplification of negative news and critiques elicits greater responses from the consumers, leading to a lack of confidence in the fan base, ultimately resulting in a destructive impact on the team and the quarterback's confidence.

Derek Carr would not work in New York because he is too sensitive to media criticism.

Derek Carr would not work [in New York]. He's too sensitive. He cries, he blocks everybody on Twitter. Like, his excuses wouldn't suffice for the New York [media].

Sloth bears are more vicious than honey badgers

I've been going on a deep dive and rabbit hole on sloth bears. They're the most vicious animal on earth. I think more vicious than a honey badger. They fight tigers and tigers are literally scared of them.

Grown men hating on women is pathetic

Britney Mahomes tweeted something about grown men talking shit about someone's wife is real weird... actually, grown ass men hating on women in general is pathetic. I'm taking Britney's side on this.

The East River is full of prehistoric bison bones dumped by a developer

Dirty Water Don... he's found a bone. He found a jawbone of a steppe bison, which is just a prehistoric, gigantic bison. He found the jawbone in the East River. So that means that it is true. There were tons of bones dump there. It means that they're sniffing in the right place.

Jake Paul purposely lost to Tommy Fury to make the rematch more profitable

The conspiracy part of Twitter... they were saying that Jake Paul, in order to sell the next fight purposely knew that it would be bad if he won this fight. I think the storyline's better for a second fight... because no one would want to watch another one if he just beat him.

The new PLL Sixes format is the best lacrosse product and will replace regular rules

I think the new, the new PLL championship series six is, is actually I think like the best lacrosse product I've ever seen. Like I think it's gonna replace regular, the regular rules. I think this is how the game is gonna be played in the future. It's the best lacrosse product you can put out.

Christian Yelich looks like Jackson Mahomes

I got a vacation take. Taking a thought of over vacation. Okay. Christian Yelich. Looks like Jackson Mahomes.

I'm going to beat Billy McFarland in a fight and donate the winnings to the people of the Bahamas

Billy McFarland is down to fight you... Fire fist. Billy verse Billy... It's a battle for the people of the Bahamas. The good people of the Bahamas that sacrificed so much and got so very ripped off... I'm gonna beat his ass. Gonna skull fuck him.

Breakfast is unnecessary and takes up too much time

Intermittent fasting. Breakfast takes up too much time in the morning. Just like eating when you just wake up, do you do that? I think it would fall right with showers.

Stetson Bennett's arrest for public intoxication makes him a better NFL draft prospect

Honestly that made Stetson Bennett go up in my draft board. ... If you're Stetson Bennett, what's stopping you from just getting absolutely hammered? He's in the middle of maybe the biggest case of senioritis of all time. And it's well deserved.

Brock Purdy winning seven Super Bowls would erase Tom Brady's legacy

I'm rooting for Brock [Purdy] in the Niners because Brock has a chance to totally erase Tom Brady's narrative and legacy if he wins a Super Bowl... If he wins seven, he would have a better [story]. He was drafted Mr. Irrelevant. He would totally erase Tom Brady's underdog story because it's an even bigger underdog story.

I looked at the evidence and it might have been a DeMar Hamlin body double at the Bills game

I don't think he's dead. But [it] was very snowy. That shot conveniently... why was he wearing goggles? He had a sheisty... I'm just saying like it was just, there was just like, I looked at the evidence. I'm just raising it so we could have the conversation.

Arrowhead Stadium is the craziest game day environment in the NFL

Arrowhead is the craziest game day environment I've ever been in. Especially the crowd in the stadium. When Patrick Mahomes came back on the field, it was like the second coming of Christ.

The Q-collar technology causes players to make bad on-field decisions

Dalton Schultz today was wearing a... Q-collar. It's supposed to help protect the brain from injury... I have a theory. This technology... it's supposed to constrict certain blood vessels going to your brain... I think these guys are just lightheaded. And it's just, he had a bird brain.

Sam Ehlinger would succeed in a Kyle Shanahan offense

If [Sam Ehlinger] was in a Shanahan offense, I think he'd have a lot of success.

We don't actually know how strong gorillas are because they haven't been trained in powerlifting

Actually trained a gorilla in powerlifting—so we don't really know how strong they actually possibly could be. Also, with their enclosures and zoos, we don't actually know if they just choose to stay in there and can actually break out of anything we design.

There are wooly mammoth bones and ivory worth millions in the East River

There's a bunch of treasure in the East River... wooly mammoth bones, tusks, ivory. It's treasure. Millions. Billions. The treasure is on East 65th Street next to the FDR Drive in the water... we're gonna try to go get it.

The New York media is the primary reason why Jets quarterbacks fail

I'm really trying to figure out, what is the reason why quarterbacks are having real problems succeeding in the New York Jets organization. I really do think it's the New York media that makes the jets bad. It would be funny to figure out what exactly is going on. I might do like a docu-series, like try to figure out what the hell's going on.

Corn is botanically a fruit

Corn is a fruit. If you look it up, corn is a fruit. It has fruit qualities... the kernels of corn are fruit.

I could have made some of the throws Zach Wilson missed against the Jaguars

I was watching the fucking game and looking at concepts that I ran in high school that he was reading wrong. I'm serious. And I like my arm talent. It's not fucking pro arm talent, but I could have made some throws and just get it to guy to make play.

Sam Darnold and Mike White are on the same talent tier

I would say Mike White and Sam Darnold are on the same sort of echelon. Mike White, Sam Darnold, then a big drop off to Zachary [Wilson].

Zach Wilson has been working on his fundamentals and he might be back

I do think Mike White's gonna get the wind though. Big time with Zach Wilson being QB two now. I know. So there's a little fire underneath him... And he's been working on his fundamentals.

The Zack Wilson experiment in New York is officially over

I think the Zack Wilson experiments is pretty much... Done. Yeah, done. Yeah. No, it's done. I have a Mike White Jersey coming in the mail. I'm now going to be... onto a new guy.

Removing ping pong tables from the locker room makes the Bengals a lock to beat the Browns

This is a ping pong table game for Cincinnati. No distractions. I'm a big believer in ping pong tables. If you, it doesn't matter if you put the ping pong tables into the locker room or if you take them out of the locker room, if you're moving a ping pong table around that week, I will bet on your team.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

The Jets will trade Zach Wilson

I think they're gonna end up trading [Zach Wilson] because the way the teams united behind Mike White, I mean Garrett Wilson I think tweeted or said in post game, I'll go to work, I'll get to work something special about that boy talking about Mike White.

Mike White's ceiling is Tom Brady

So I like Mike. His ceiling is Tom Brady. I said this when he got his ceiling is Tom Brady.

Zach Wilson and Patrick Mahomes would have a competitive game of PIG/HORSE

On that take, I will say if you took Zach Wilson and Patrick Mahomes and made them compete in a horse or pig like game where they had to complete certain throws probably not covered. They'd probably have a competitive game.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is still Patrick Mahomes

I know this sounds crazy, but I really think [Zach Wilson's] ceiling's Patrick Mahomes. Just, it sounds crazy... I still think his ceiling is there.

The 2022 World Cup will not be finished in Qatar

I don't think the World Cup's gonna finish. I think it's gonna get canceled for some reason... I don't think it's gonna be finished in Qatar... it sounds like the literal Fire Fest. I'm getting Fire Fest vibes.

The Bills will beat the Browns by more than 7.5 points

Bills by seven and a half... I think that him [Josh Allen] in a dome, he's gonna be more comfortable... the Bills need a confidence game. And confidence games usually end up in beating up on the other team.

Justin Fields' style of play is not sustainable

Do you think that the usage of Justin Fields is gimmicky or sustainable?... the way he runs is not like Lamar Jackson. It's not as elusive... he takes more impacts. He's a larger body. He's gonna take more... eventually it will probably catch up with him.

Dimitri Bivol might be one of the best pound-for-pound fighters of all time

I think Bivol might end up being one of the best pound-for-pound fighters of all time in the world. Maybe in of all time... honestly, for his legacy, which he deserves, I think he needs to fight Canelo again at 168.

Zach Wilson is 'overqualified' for the NFL and that's why he struggles

The guy is so capable of throwing absolute bombs and dimes that when he can't and has to make the start decision and not make a gigantic play... he's so talented that he doesn't like other... people with less talented arms work on being game managers. They can't do what he does. He's almost, they need to create a new football league, a better football league that he could play in because he's too good for the NFL.

Anything done during the pandemic should be forgiven (Pandemic Amnesty)

My cool throne is pandemic amnesty. Turns out anything you do during the pandemic, we're all gonna forget about and forgive each other. I think anything should be forgiven. Like anything. No, but whatever it was, forgive me for it.

I would trade Zach Wilson for Sam Ehlinger right now

I'm in both holes. Very deep. ... Then Sam Ehlinger would probably go to the Jets. Give, let's give Zach. ... As a guy who doesn't throw interceptions, that's the kind of guy you want as your quarterback.

Sam Ehlinger is mobile enough to light up the Commanders offense

I'm going Colts minus three over the commanders... Sam Ehlinger, I think he's a mobile quarterback enough to light up an offense. We see these mobile quarterbacks getting first downs, extending drives. I think the Colts gonna have the fire in their belly.

Matt Patricia is to blame for Mac Jones' struggles because the offense was designed for Bailey Zappy

I think the situation is much worse. I think it's Matt Patricia's fault... Mac Jones may have started in taking all the starting reps and practice, but the type of offense that the starting offense was running in that first drive was really a Bailey Zappy offense... that scheme was very different to anything they were running last year. And with that, that's because they were playing to Bailey Zappy's skill.

Bailey Zappy's release point is too low for the NFL

But the thing is, the downside with Zappy is that his release point is too low for the NFL. If you look at the Cleveland [game] and if you look at what he did last night, his release point is way too low causing the ball to get batted down and those interceptions.

Sam Ehlinger will be a successful game manager for the Colts

The most hilarious would be if they just came in and they went old school and just ran Jonathan Taylor 35 times a game and asked him to be a game manager. They make the playoffs and then you can still claim he's a better quarterback than Trevor Lawrence. That's what I'm hoping for.

The Packers will have a statement win and run up the score against the Commanders

I do think the Packers are gonna use statement when they're gonna run up the score. It's gonna be one of those things. If it's like close, they're not gonna let up. They're just gonna keep running it up.

Modern truck auto-stop engine technology is dangerous and poorly designed

Every time you stop, it'll go to a full stop, the engine turns off... The thing is the car has to turn off and start back up again. And if people know, like the more miles you get on a truck, the more times you start a truck, the engine's gotta turn over... It happened to me in a busy ass intersection and I couldn't get the truck back started... putting people like myself in danger.

Turnovers increase the likelihood of succeeding on a 4th down or 2-pt conversion via 'vibe' multipliers

Basically the percentage of converting a two point conversion or on fourth down basically gets increased depending on what type of turnover happens before that possession... after an interception, a fourth down conversion or a two point conversion increases by let's say 110%.

I could be a successful NFL coach by 'coaching on vibes'

In my head, everyone's like, thing is so crazy. Why don't we just go for 10 points? Because then they can't beat us with a touchdown and a field goal. If we were rolling we should just keep rolling. [Big Cat: Billy would always coach on vibes].

Jeff Bezos should invent an anti-concussion helmet for the NFL

Why hasn't Jeff Bezos tried to invent a machine that can definitively tell you if someone is concussed? Like a helmet that definitively makes it so you can't be concussed? He's invested in football now. He really has gotta put his money where his mouth is. Save football, Jeff Bezos.

War should be replaced by a 'Space Olympics' where countries compete to blow up asteroids for mining rights

We drop so many bombs on Earth every day. Why don't we just throw all those bombs and blow something up and develop a point system and compete. Make it like a Space Olympics. And we like compete with like other countries and space programs. And the winner gets like, I don't know, mining rights to certain natural resources.

Being a field goal holder is an easy job that even freshmen can do

I've been a holder. Really? Yeah. When I was like third string quarterback. It's an easy job. If you're a decent, if you're like can catch like they put like freshman as holders.

Zach Wilson is officially cleared and the Jets will beat the Steelers

My 'who's back' is Zach Wilson. He's officially back and cleared to play next week against Pittsburgh... a game we can win... Sola said after in the press conference. I broke the fucking news. If anyone else tries to say they broke the news on Sunday... Billy football had it 1:00 AM Monday morning. Facts.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

Fans who return historic baseballs for little reward are likely getting paid secretly

I have a take. I think that [MLB teams] are paying these guys a lot, but they don't make it public how much they're giving them because they don't wanna raise the price for future type memorabilia. All those times you're like, oh, this person's stupid for just taking that much... I think they're getting paid off behind the scenes.

The Beyond Meat COO bit a man's nose because he craved real animal protein

My hot seat is beyond meat. The COO. Yes. Of beyond meat after the Arkansas, Missouri game bit a guy's nose in a parking lot. And that's just a class example of a guy craving real animal protein.

Tuna is the beef of the sea and Salmon is the chicken of the sea

Tuna is the beef of the sea. Salmon's the chicken of the sea. [Big Cat: Tuna cans literally say chicken of the sea.] No, because it's red. It's the beef.

I may be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life due to a lone star tick bite

Turns out I must have stepped on a lone star tick nest... and I got bitten by a bunch of lone star tick larva... which the good news is the larva don't transmit Lyme's... but they can give you an Alpha-gal allergy. That means that Alpha-gal is in all red meat and dairy and I, I might be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life. I had to go vegan for a month before I get the test... I contracted veganism.

Baker Mayfield will 'fuck up' the Cleveland Browns in Week 1

My hot seat are the Browns. Baker Mayfield... was quoted saying 'I'm going to fuck them up' in regards to the Browns. That's my hot seat Baker.

Tom Brady looks gaunt following his mystery absence

I'm going to be honest. I think [Tom Brady] looks gaunt like the definition of the word gaunt.

Not pulling out is a bad idea

Not pulling out. He's saying not pulling out when you were supposed to pull out. [Big Cat: You're against cream pies?] Billy Football, anti-cream pie.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

Mekhi Becton's shattered kneecap could be good for his career

I think maybe this time will do him well, mature, and we'll see him this year. The shattered kneecap could be really good for his NFL career is what I'm trying to say, trying to be optimistic.

Oxygen is a universally loved thing

Something we all take for granted... Oxygen. Everyone loves oxygen and especially, hey, we've all been carrying stuff around altitude... If you didn't have oxygen, you would die. Do you love breathing? You want to breathe. If I took you out to the water and drowned you... you gotta succeed as much as you want to breathe.

I was the first to report that Trevor Penning is a savage

There's this dude I've been watching since early college... Trevor Penning. I kind of feel like one of those guys, like I was following them when they're small. So now basically he just got kicked out of Saints camp for going too hard. He's an absolute animal... now everyone's on it... I was there when he was doing this. Just make sure the internet knows that Billy had it first.

The New York Jets are an absolute wagon this year

My hot seat is the AFC East today. I visited Jets camp and I have to say they are all totally on the hot seat because the Jets are an absolute wagon. And their offense looked electric. Seriously.

Elijah Moore is a step above everybody else in the NFL

I saw [Elijah Moore] today in person and he was making grabs all over the field. It was like, that guy is a different kind of player. Like he's a step above everybody else.

Corn is a fruit

Corn. Corn is a fruit. Can you guys believe that? An ear of corn is not technically a fruit. Instead, each kernel is a fruit. Exactly.

Wolverines are more closely related to seals and sea lions than they are to wolves

Wolverines are related to seals and sea lions closer than actual wolves.

2023 will be the 'year of normality' and a return to normalcy

I'm gonna say that it's gonna be the year of just normality. A return to normalcy.

Icing injuries is actually bad for recovery

Turns out ice is bad. I'm actually going to write a blog on that. There's tons of ice and cold is terrible for healing. It shuts down your inflammatory response, which actually is healing... ice is bad for like muscle gaining and like cold plunges are kind of good, but it's not you.

Climbing Mount Everest is now effectively 'glamping'

Everest is also kind of glamping nowadays. No, I mean, but that actually makes it worse for him because Everest is not even cool anymore. Everyone climbs Everest. I remember when Everest was like, oh, don't climb Everest. You'll fucking die. Now everyone fucking climbs Everest. There's like huge lines. Yep.

Squids have the largest eyeballs in the animal kingdom

Squids had the largest eyeball in the animal kingdom. Bigger than elephants. Oh yeah. I guess that would make sense. Right? There's just giant squid. ... Colossal squid. He's right. Damnit he's right.

The story about Zach Wilson sleeping with his mother's friend is a lie

The reason why it was never clarified is because it's a lie. It was said by a [Sod] lover... They just threw out that slander. Homey hopper. Exactly. I think that Zach is an outstanding man on and off the field.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

The new lacrosse movie will be as impactful for the sport as Drive to Survive was for F1

The sport was honestly amazing. It was like, I think that it's going to be as huge for lacrosse as DRS [Drive to Survive] is revive was for F1. It was an amazing feature.

Blogging was easier in the early 2010s because there were fewer bloggers and more unique topics

I think you blogged a different era. I will say... I mean, there was less bloggers and there was more topics to blog she could get... I mean, there was less bloggers and there was more topics.

Zach Wilson is looking extra crispy in Jets training camp

Cool throne, Zach Wilson has been having great training camp. He went for nine 11 on 11 drills. So we're saying that he's looking extra crispy in camp. It's a pretty serious.

If Steph Curry wins MVP and loses the Finals, I will go on a carnivore-only diet

If Steph Curry wins, I'm going carnivore diet only... only meat, only.

Jayson Tatum did not have a good game in Game 3

Jayson Tatum once again did not have that good of a game. He played very good, but he's not giving MVP.

If I eat vegan for a month, soy will give me tits

Do you think there's a chance that the soil will make your hands even softer? No. They're going to give me tits. Like you— [inaudible].

The Warriors will win the NBA Finals in six games

Warriors and six and I'm gonna eat a shit ton of meat in Boston.

Jack Nicklaus' name is pronounced Jack 'Nick-Klaus' because of his German ancestry

Jack Nicklaus [pronounced Nick-Klaus like Santa Claus]... He rejected a hundred million dollars to not go to the Saudi golf league... I've only read his name. I only know... because I always watch golf on mute... Nikolaos. Changed it to make it [more American].

Derrick Henry's long legs are detrimental in short yardage

I had this theory that Derrick Henry has super long legs for his height. ... I feel like it's actually detrimental in short yardage between the tackles, because people can wrap up his legs more. ... every time he like does well in short yardage, it's like in a sweep or he's bouncing out of the tackles.

The Jets will finish between 7-10 and 9-8 this season

So I just want to talk about jet schedule, my prediction, what? ... Well, it's either going to be low level seven and 10 high level nine and eight.

There will be a quarterback controversy in New England where Bailey Zappe challenges Mac Jones

Maddie. Think about this magic Mack Jones gets benched for Bailey. ... I think there's going to be a court quarterback controversy in new England. That we're is going to actually like really tank them. I'm just saying why they draft Bailey just saying,

A bone bruise stings at first but then you are fine because bones don't move

Yeah, no, like a bone bruise. Just like stings at first. ... And then it's like, it's a bone, so it doesn't really move. So it's like not really sore. So just to go with it. ... bones move, but muscles are moving the bone, the bone doesn't actually move

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

I am 30% responsible for Dmitry Bivol's victory over Canelo Alvarez

How much of your win goes to Billy Football? [Bivol: 30%]. He taught me through the ball, you know, like right hand. [Billy: Activate the shoulders. I liked that he was also posting some pretty aggressive videos].

High taxes in Minnesota and Canada prevent their NHL teams from landing top free agents

My cool throne is Minnesota and Canada. The reason why they can't land good free agents to make their hockey teams good is because of taxes.

Women's boxing is on the up and up following the electric Taylor vs. Serrano fight

Women's boxing is on the up and up. ... What we saw in the last Jake Paul card with Amanda Serrano on it is that those fights are extremely electric. ... It was the first headline by women fighters at Madison Square Garden itself in its 140 year history.

Jordan Davis is a lazy player who takes plays off

He [Jordan Davis] has a fast 40 time, but if he had to run the 40 ten times, his drop-off in times would probably be very [high]... they had video of it in the Alabama game, him taking plays off.

Small dogs like poodles and Australian Shepherds are terrible domestic house dogs

Little dogs are the worst. All these people, they get these little Australian Shepherds that are not good domestic dogs. They are shepherds. And then they get poodles too and different little poodle mixes and they're hunting dogs and they have them running around as though they're like supposed to be nice house dogs, but they are literal hunting dogs.

Tesla is the only electric car company

Musk responded: 'Sorry, but I cannot take your philanthropy on climate change seriously when you have a massive short position against Tesla, the company doing the most to solve climate change.' ... They're [Tesla] the only electric car company actually.

Chicken salad is disgusting

Chicken salad is disgusting... That's just mayonnaise... That may be an unpopular opinion. That may be my calamari.

Bigfoot is currently in the state of Ohio

My last who's back is big foot. There's been pictures of a big foot sighting... I've tracked it down to Ohio. There was some Bama people claiming that they found them in Bama... but I just want to correct it and let you know that Bigfoot is currently in Ohio.

The object in the Alaska sky was a UFO shot out of the sky by the government

Many are saying that it might've been a UFO that was shot out of the street that they don't want us to know about. But the government is saying it was just a contrail. I think it has a lot to do with it. Something's going on.

St. Peter's has a chance to become a small-school powerhouse like Gonzaga

I actually think [St. Peter's] have a chance to become like one of these small school powerhouses that ends up like a Gonzaga. Seriously, like they'll make runs with... now that the school has had such an increase in enrollment and increase [in funding].

Boneless wings are slow-twitch muscles and bone-in wings are fast-twitch

Boneless wings are slow Twitch muscles and bone in wings are fast Twitch muscles. In terms of on the chicken... I think it has more higher mineral density.

The Will Smith slap of Chris Rock was fake because Will Smith taught a kid how to fake slap a month prior

There's a video out of will Smith a month ago, teaching a kid how to fake slap. I don't know if you guys see this on TMZ... I'm just saying, you know, it looks like a guy who's been practicing slapping.

The Will Smith slap at the Oscars was a fake, staged event

When Chris Rock took the slap, he watched Will Smith walk up to him... the whole time Chris Rock has hands behind his back. And when he got slapped, you know, he was just totally open... honestly, I fall for a lot of fake stuff on the internet. And this is one of those ones where I'm just like fake.

Patrick Mahomes' productivity will drop significantly without Tyreek Hill

I honestly think Patrick Mahomes' productivity is going to go way down without Tyreek Hill and Tyreek Hill would've done way better with Zach Wilson. Well, think about how many times Tyreek Hill bailed out a bad pass by Patrick Mahomes.

Malik Willis' pro day throw was 10 yards further than Zach Wilson's famous throw

Malik Willis to the same throw that Zach Wilson did, but just 10 yards farther. Just wanted to add that as a little note at the end.

The Jets are a wagon and will beat the Patriots in Week 8

Jets are a wagon, calling it. Week 8 at MetLife, they're beating the Pats, calling it right now. We're updated, upgraded... we don't have Mr. INT anymore.

Malik Willis is a hybrid of Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson

I think Malik Willis is going to have a really good NFL career... I think he's what they advertise him as he's Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson hybrid.

Malik Willis will either be a Hall of Famer or a complete bust

Like he could actually like, you know, it's either going to translate and he's going to be like Patrick Mahomes or it's not. One of those things where it's... so like hall-of-famer or bust. Exactly. Yep. I like that.

Malik Willis has the most fuckable spiral in the 2022 draft

Number one. Malik Willis. God damn moon bomb. And the thing is, I love how the ball turns over on his long balls. It points up when it's going up and when it's going down, it points down and it looks like an absolute cruise missile.

Malik Willis is a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen

Malik Willis has been said to be, in my opinion, a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen. This is what the people are saying. If you look at Malik's throws from the combine, insane, absolutely crazy type stuff.

Alcohol is a diuretic because it flushes liquid out of your body faster than you can hydrate

Al calls a diuretic. And why it dehydrates you is because it flushes all the liquid in your body, out through your piss. So even though it may seem like it's hydrated... It gets all your liquid out faster.

Malik Willis threw the ball 73.72 yards at the NFL Combine

Doing some Pythagoras theorem on Malik Willis' absolute gigantic throw. So he threw it 60 yards down the field. But if you [calculate] the hypotenuse of how actually far you threw in a straight line, it got out to 73.72.

Desmond Ridder has 'fuckable spirals'

Desmond Ridder has nice spiral, Cincinnati guy. He gives me Justin Herbert type vibes... fuckable spirals for fuckable spirals. If you see a spiral, you're like, damn that spiral sexy.

The Liver King is shorter because he didn't go through the agricultural revolution

He's come for short too... Well, you see, he didn't go through the agricultural revolution. So he was, he's still the size of the early ancestor, tall for his era. You didn't go to the agricultural revolution yet.

I can break Vegas with a specific March Madness hedging spreadsheet

I'm thinking I'm going to take all the favorites from the first round and bet all of them to win the whole thing as a future. And then bet the money line on all of the underdogs so that the money lines pays all the future bets.

Hank the Tank the bear cannot be relocated and will die if forced into the wilderness

Hank the tank is a 500 pound black bear... He doesn't know how to hunt because he's so dependent on humans. He cannot be relocated to the wilderness or he would die of starvation because he's completely has zero motivation... Plus he's fat as fuck.

My cross-country road trip changed my life

It unlocked something in my brain that I don't think will ever go away. We just discover a lot about myself, which... [the road trip] saved, it changed my life.