PMT DB
PMT DB
Stephen A. Smith’s Bubble Horny Warning and Mega Dungeons & Dragons
It is officially Bobby Bonilla Day, the greatest holiday in sports where a man gets paid over a million dollars to simply exist. Big Cat and PFT spent some time crunching the numbers on how they’d structure their own deferred payouts. While PFT is worried about his own impulse control, Big Cat is looking at the long-term impact on the family tree.
Big CatTaking deferred money like Bobby Bonilla is a better deal than a lump sum payment.
Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract... the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and say, 'yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line.' It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch-off Millions for life or whatever it is... I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up.
PFT CommenterI would rather take $1 million a year for 25 years than $20 million upfront because I would spend the lump sum on jet skis.
If you were to say like, PFT, I'm going to give you either twenty million dollars on your 25th birthday or I'm going to give you a million dollars a year until you're 50, I'm absolutely taking the million until 50. Because if I'm 25, I'm just going to spend it like Billy Football would—just a shitload of jet skis, essentially just my own jet ski farm.
Big CatDeferred generational contracts like $50k a year for 75 years would just make your grandkids lazy pieces of shit.
What if you just got like fifty thousand dollars a year for the next like however long it be 75 years... all that would be ensuring is that your grandchildren are going to be like the laziest pieces of shit ever because they'll be like, 'I get my four thousand dollars a year coming in every July 1st. I don't need to get a job.'
Stephen A. Smith and the Horny Bubble
Turning to the NBA, the guys addressed the elephant in the room regarding the Orlando bubble: the inevitable horniness. Stephen A. Smith went on First Take to warn the world that NBA players might struggle with the lack of 'activities' available at Disney, and Big Cat thinks he's the only man qualified to lead this discussion. PFT suggested that the league might need to provide some 'digital assistance' to keep players from breaking quarantine for a hookup.
Big CatThe primary issue for NBA players in the Orlando bubble will be the lack of sex and groupies.
What's going to end up happening in my mind is... the big news today in the NBA as we finally have the elephant that's been in the room the whole time. Stephen A. Smith addresses it head-on and says it's going to be an issue with how horny everyone's getting trying to get out of the bubble to hook up... I was saying the real problem is we don't know the groupie situation.
Big CatSingle NBA players in the Orlando bubble will receive letters in the showers telling them to stop masturbating because it's clogging the drains.
If you are a single NBA player and you're down inside that bubble for up to a month and a half maybe with no sort of release... there's gonna be those letters passed around like there were in every single college dorm, which ended up being fake, saying like we need you to stop masturbating because it's clogging up the showers.
Despite the logistical hurdles and the looming threat of positive tests, PFT is standing firm on his prediction that the season will go off without a hitch. Big Cat isn't quite as optimistic about the purity of the bubble, suspecting that the league's resolve might depend entirely on which superstars are affected.
Big CatThe NBA will power through positive COVID tests and won't cancel the season unless LeBron is impacted.
I don't think they're going to be deterred by a couple positive tests. I think it's going to be weird. I think there's going to be guys that are going to miss time... but they're going to power through it. I think... at what point does Adam Silver say, 'Okay, we're canceling this whole operation?' At that point you're going to get all the conspiracy theories coming out and saying they're just canceling it because LeBron is not going to make the finals.
PFT CommenterThere is a 100% chance the NBA season will happen exactly as scheduled in the bubble.
What percentage that there will be a full basketball like real... from exactly how they have it scheduled? A hundred percent. Because I'm not willing to doubt myself now. It's the only thing I've got pulling me forward to the end of the month. So call me delusional, call me insane, but I think it's a hundred percent going to happen.
Hot Seat Cool Throne
Hot Seat/Cool Throne featured a deep dive into the most controversial ranking in internet history: a Twitter user's Top 370 porn star list. Big Cat was personally offended by the lack of respect shown to the veterans of the industry, comparing the snub to a legendary athlete being left off a Hall of Fame ballot.
Big CatRanking Lisa Ann at #94 on an all-time porn star list is disrespectful to her legacy as a game-changer.
Shyla Stylez at 354 and Lisa Ann at 94 is absolutely atrocious... Lisa Ann at 94, like the committee got that one wrong. That's awful. Even if you missed her heyday, you got to know that she meant something to the game, right? She changed the game, a hundred percent. I thought that was a little bit disrespectful.
Meanwhile, PFT put the national debt on the hot seat, offering a unique perspective on how the U.S. economy actually functions in relation to our 'bookies' overseas.
PFT CommenterThe US national debt is essentially just a Bobby Bonilla contract that we have with China.
How the national debt works is that... whatever we owe to China's like our bookie and they basically are saying we'd rather you just keep playing then try to collect all this money... We have a Bobby Bonilla contract with the nation of China right now. We owe them a certain amount of money... every single year, as long as we keep those it's going then we can keep betting against the spread.
Other highlights included Hank’s excitement for Larry David tackling the pandemic in the next season of *Curb Your Enthusiasm* and Big Cat’s warning to legendary players about the dangers of taking front-office jobs.
HankLarry David navigating the COVID-19 pandemic in Curb Your Enthusiasm will be amazing television.
Curb Your Enthusiasm got greenlit for an 11th season... I think Larry David—Corona is going to be amazing. The corona Larry David, like there's no better wheelhouse for that guy.
Big CatRetired sports legends should never take GM or front office jobs because they risk ruining their legacy.
If the Broncos are never good again under his [Elway's] watch, does he lose—that's why he never should take that type of job. I know he won one in the front office, but you could basically ruin it. You got to just kind of ride off into the sunset and be the legend and never take any risks with the organization again.
Dungeons & Dragons: The Betrayal of Berserker Billy
Our good friend Timm Woods returned for an extra-long chapter of Dungeons & Dragons that saw the party level up and the stakes get even higher. The campaign took a cinematic turn as the guys encountered a new ally, Sir Orgirton (expertly voiced by Timm as Coach O), and faced off against a dragon-like champion named Langdedrosa.
Wayne the Bard (PFT) used his 'unseen servant' to pull off a classic banana peel trip, while Norm the Barbarian (Big Cat) went on a reckless rampage. However, the real drama involved Berserker Billy (Billy Football), who spent the entire session cozying up to a dragon and eventually trying to turn on his own teammates.
After Billy attempted to use his dragon girlfriend to intimidate the party, Big Cat had seen enough. In a climactic roll, Norm leaped into the air and tackled Billy off the dragon’s back, leaving him grounded and at the mercy of the party while the dragon flew away in disappointment.
Big CatI am 100% going to kill Billy Football's character in Dungeons and Dragons.
Get the wizard ready just in case we decide to kill [Berserker] Billy... when I say 'just in case' we are 100% going to kill Billy Football.
Big Cat and PFT are already planning the execution of Billy's character for the next session, proving that in D&D, just like in life, you never choose a dragon over the squad.
