Mega Dungeons & Dragons and Stephen A Smith Is Horny Again

Taking deferred money like Bobby Bonilla is a better deal than a lump sum payment.

Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract... the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and say, 'yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line.' It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch-off 'Millions for Life' or whatever it is... I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up.

I would rather take $1 million a year for 25 years than $20 million upfront because I would spend the lump sum on jet skis.

If you were to say like, PFT, I'm going to give you either twenty million dollars on your 25th birthday or I'm going to give you a million dollars a year until you're 50, I'm absolutely taking the million until 50. Because if I'm 25, I'm just going to spend it like Billy Football would—just a shitload of jet skis, essentially just my own jet ski farm.

The primary issue for NBA players in the Orlando bubble will be the lack of sex and groupies.

What's going to end up happening in my mind is... the big news today in the NBA as we finally have the elephant that's been in the room the whole time. Stephen A. Smith addresses it head-on and says it's going to be an issue with how horny everyone's getting trying to get out of the bubble to hook up... I was saying the real problem is we don't know the groupie situation.

There is a 100% chance the NBA season will happen exactly as scheduled in the bubble.

What percentage that there will be a full basketball like real... from exactly how they have it scheduled? A hundred percent. Because I'm not willing to doubt myself now. It's the only thing I've got pulling me forward to the end of the month. So call me delusional, call me insane, but I think it's a hundred percent going to happen.

The NBA will power through positive COVID tests and won't cancel the season unless LeBron is impacted.

I don't think they're going to be deterred by a couple positive tests. I think it's going to be weird. I think there's going to be guys that are going to miss time... but they're going to power through it. I think... at what point does Adam Silver say, 'Okay, we're canceling this whole operation?' At that point you're going to get all the conspiracy theories coming out and saying they're just canceling it because LeBron is not going to make the finals.

Gambling on which celebrities or athletes will test positive for coronavirus should be a new sport.

They should let us start betting on these things. They should let us start betting on who tested positive and that will be its own sport... It's basically like watching reality television like Big Brother with celebrities and then the gamble is who will stay coronavirus free.

Tom Brady would never admit to having coronavirus because he drinks so much water it wouldn't affect him.

I'm putting all my money on Tom Brady because even if he gets it, he's not going to admit that he has it. And if he gets it, he's going to just—he drinks so much water that it's just not going to affect him. He wouldn't admit that he had it... and he'd be like, 'I'm fine, I'm totally fine... I drank six gallons of water today... there's no chance I have it.'

Larry David navigating the COVID-19 pandemic in Curb Your Enthusiasm will be amazing television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm got greenlit for an 11th season... I think Larry David—Corona is going to be amazing. The corona Larry David, like there's no better wheelhouse for that guy.

New York City will have an eerie and calm Fourth of July because people used up all the fireworks in June.

Right now people have bought up so many fireworks and used enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the fourth, at least in New York City. First, it'll be like a calm-ish, calmer than normal Fourth of July in New York City, which should be—that'll be kind of eerie.

The Patriots will win 12 games this season with Cam Newton at quarterback.

I mean, we have Cam Newton now... how many wins do you think the Patriots will have this year? 12.

Retired sports legends should never take GM or front office jobs because they risk ruining their legacy.

If the Broncos are never good again under his [Elway's] watch, does he lose—that's why he never should take that type of job. I know he won one in the front office, but you could basically ruin it. You got to just kind of ride off into the sunset and be the legend and never take any risks with the organization again.

Ranking Lisa Ann at #94 on an all-time porn star list is disrespectful to her legacy as a game-changer.

Shyla Stylez at 354 and Lisa Ann at 94 is absolutely atrocious... Lisa Ann at 94, like the committee got that one wrong. That's awful. Even if you missed her heyday, you got to know that she meant something to the game, right? She changed the game, a hundred percent. I thought that was a little bit disrespectful.