PMT DB
PMT DB
Timm Woods and Nick Turani on Dungeons and Dragons: The Forge of Fury
Summer lore season is officially back. With the July 4th holiday approaching, Big Cat, PFT, Hank, and Max took their annual trip into the imagination of the legendary Timm Woods. This time around, they brought along Nick Turani to fill out the party for a run through the Forge of Fury. While these sessions usually devolve into the crew immediately trying to kill each other’s characters, there was a strange, almost unsettling energy in the room as they started the campaign.
Big CatWe are going to take Dungeons and Dragons seriously and try to complete the mission this time
We're taking it seriously this time we're gonna try to complete the mission. Tim is electric as always and it's a great, great listen.
Before the quest could even begin, Timm Woods had to address the elephant in the room: his viral birthday tweet regarding consent. While the internet tried to troll him, Timm stood his ground on the podcast, explaining that he simply values clear communication and creativity in all adventures.
Timm WoodsNothing is hotter than asking for consent even when you know you already have it
It was nothing's hotter than asking for consent when you know that you have it. I think a lot of problems. I agree.
Max made his debut as Hippo Maximus, a Druid who spent most of the pre-game prep worrying about his inevitable demise. Usually, Hank is the designated punching bag of the D&D episodes, but Max seemed ready to assume the mantle of being both the first to die and the first to be violated by a goblin.
MaxI am going to replace Hank as the person who gets killed and fucked in this Dungeons and Dragons adventure
I just know how this is gonna go. I'm just gonna replace Hank is the guy who gets killed and fucked.
The Town of Blasingdell
The adventure kicked off in a mining town where the party split up to gather intel on a legendary magic axe. Big Cat headed straight for the tavern to out-drink the local dwarves, relying on his massive frame to carry him through the round.
Big CatI have a higher alcohol tolerance than dwarves because of my size
But I'm bigger than [the dwarves]. It will take me a lot longer to get drunk. I think [I] might just get drunk with them.
Meanwhile, Nick Turani (playing a paladin named Greg) visited the local temple and ended up in a holy marriage with an elderly priest for a discount on potions. PFT visited his family, including a "very hot" stepsister who eventually joined the party, while Hank visited a potion shop and immediately started asking for poison to use on his own teammates. Despite some heavy foreshadowing from the dwarves that the treasure was to the East, Hank remained convinced the whole thing was a setup.
HankThe Dwarven vault is in the western portion of the mountain, and the mentions of it being in the east are a faint switch
I think this safe is in the west. It keeps, everyone keeps talking about the east, but if it was in the east and they have the key, they would find it. I feel like it's a faint switch.
The Mountain and the Eagle
Once the party reached the mountain, things took a turn for the tragic. Max’s character, Hippo Maximus, summoned an eagle guide named Big Dom. However, instead of using his own spells to take out a nearly-dead orc lookout, Max decided to let the eagle "show its value."
Big CatI am going to kill Max's eagle as soon as possible
I might have texted and said that we gotta kill Max's eagle ASAP.
Big Dom missed his attack, crashed into a rock, and was promptly executed by an orc with one hit point. It was a dark moment for the Druid circle, especially after Max had spent the entire journey boasting about the Philadelphia Eagles' seasonal strategies.
MaxThe Philadelphia Eagles should have saved their 'double eagle' for late in the season instead of starting hot and crashing
I don't wanna double eagle too early like the football team did last year. We gotta a double eagle late in the season.
Encounter with Great Ulf
The climax of the episode occurred deep within the mountain when the crew stumbled upon Great Ulf, the leader of the orcs who turned out to be a massive, nipple-baring ogre. Nick Turani attempted to play it safe with a "Zone of Truth" spell, which backfired spectacularly on Big Cat. Under the spell's influence, Big Cat was forced to reveal the actual financial specifics of being a Barstool personality.
Big CatI earn $150,000 per episode of Pardon My Take
$75,000. But actually that was three years ago. We make 150,000. Literally the truth.
While Big Cat was busy spilling the books, Max turned into a wasp to sneak into the ogre's bedroom. He squeezed into a wooden chest, though he struggled to understand the biological differences between the various insects he was attempting to impersonate.
MaxA wasp and a bee are the same thing
I'm a wasp. It's the same thing [as a bee]. ... I'm a wasp. It's the same thing. It's not. Yeah, I would like to go into that chest.
In a wild sequence of events involving a fireball from Hank, the party managed to kill a super-orc and retrieve a platinum key. They even reattached the Ogre's severed member using holy magic to keep him occupied while they fled toward the vault.
Ultimately, they reached the legendary Forge of Fury only to find the pedestal empty. The treasure was gone, moved further down into the mountain via a secret staircase. It was the first time the crew actually worked together to finish a session, though PFT made it clear that the peace and harmony won't last forever.
PFT CommenterWe are definitely going to kill Hank in the next Dungeons and Dragons episode
But I, it was good team building and we're definitely gonna kill him in the the follow up episode. 100%.
Who knew the most dangerous part of Dungeons and Dragons would be Big Cat's tax returns?
