Takes

Hitler was the interim head coach of the fatherland

Back in 1933, the German President Hindenburg appointed Adolf Hitler Chancellor, which roughly translates to interim head coach of the fatherland. And he ruled for four years under the title of temporary chancellor until they could find a turnaround expert to bring in.

Masturbation strike until Rob Ryan gets an interim head coaching opportunity

I am personally willing to put my money where my mouth is for a Rob Ryan head coaching tenure. I'm ready to go on a masturbation strike until Rob Ryan gets at least an interim head coaching opportunity. No Rob, no rub. That's a fact. It's quite literally the least I could do.

Jamal Charles ACL tear is only a hurt - kids should preemptively tear their ACLs

If a running back was born without two knee ligaments, then they wouldn't have had their entire life to become over-reliant on their knee ligaments, and they'd actually be fine. So what I'm advocating is almost like a Tommy John type deal. It's an operation for the young kids. You preemptively tear both your ACLs, and so then that way they have more time to unlearn the bad habits that you get from playing on healthy knees before you become a pro.

Arian Foster should convert to Christianity to improve his play

Arian Foster is a noted atheist. If there's one thing that God hates more than the devil, it's people like Foster who don't have the courage to believe in anything beyond the nose on their face. Atheism, it's a lazy man's religion because it's the default setting for humans.

The NFL needs an awareness month for fans who don't have cancer

I think at the same token, the NFL needs to also have an awareness month for their fans who don't have cancer, to be fair.

The Steelers are a team that conducts business the right way

Overall, the Steelers are their team that conducts business the right way. In fact, I think it was team owner Art Rooney that pulled Harrison aside and really backed him up back in 2008 when Harrison got arrested for domestic assault. Of course, I'm not here to condone domestic assault, but you have to look at the facts and wait for all the facts to come out.

Hitler canceling football seasons is an underrated bad thing he did

If you really like football, he probably wouldn't have started World War II, which de facto canceled the 1942 through 1944 NFL seasons. It wasn't called the NFL, but he canceled football. So in the first place, that's kind of fucked up. And nobody really talks about that when they're talking about all the bad stuff Hitler did. So I'd like to kind of raise a little bit of awareness there.

Hitler would have been a Redskins or Cowboys fan

I think without a doubt, he would have been a Redskins fan. He was so small that, ironically, he probably would have seen eye-to-eye with Dan Snyder. And I could see him going the other way, though, actually. Maybe he might have pulled for the Cowboys, too. The Cowboys got an insane old guy running the team that likes to put stars on the side of their players' uniforms, so that seems like he'd be right up his alley.