Takes

I don't want the Waterdogs to win the championship if it is played on an NFL Sunday

If the Waterdogs want to be the best dogs possible, they would lose in the semifinals. So we don't have to watch them in the finals... I don't want to have to be burdened with them on an NFL Sunday.

I prefer watching women's soccer over men's soccer because the U.S. actually wins.

I actually like watching women's soccer better than men's soccer because we actually win in women's soccer.

The Premier League is the most appeasing thing to watch in the morning because the green pitch lulls you like the Masters

The Premier League, part of the reason why people like watching it... it's very appeasing in the morning on a Saturday or Sunday. The pitch is so green, and it just kind of lulls you. It's like almost watching the Masters. It is a very nice, easy way to start the day.

If J.J. Watt had played rugby, he would be the greatest player ever and the U.S. would have won gold

If you had dedicated yourself to rugby when you were in high school, you would probably be the best rugby player in the history of the game, by far. And the U.S. probably would have won a gold medal.

Lionel Messi is the undisputed GOAT after winning the World Cup

Messi is the goat. I mean, Ronaldo, I mean, there's nothing left. Messi has literally won it all. That game was fucking incredible... I'm happy for Messi. I, he's always been my goat and this was literally the last thing he had to win.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.