Takes

David Ortiz definitely used steroids in his final MLB season.

David Ortiz... obviously did steroids in his last year. It's not even a witch hunt, really. I'm rubber stamping it. Witch hunt confirmed. He hit .317. That's the third highest average he's ever had. Connect the dots, Hank. You can't get suspended for steroids if you retire.

Bartolo Colon is allowed to do steroids because he never goes to the gym

Bartolo Colon, though, he absolutely falls under our pardon my take, use it, don't abuse it steroid law because there's no way he goes to a gym. So if he wants to do steroids, he can do steroids as far as I'm concerned.