Takes

NBA players are collectively addicted to wine

The NBA has a drinking problem. ... It's come out that every single person in the NBA gets drunk off wine every single night. And Jimmy Butler rolls around like a case of Pinot Noir. Carmelo's a sommelier. ... Kevin Love says that LeBron has a supercomputer in his brain for analyzing wine.

Apple purposefully slows down old iPhones when new ones are released

Apple has come out and admitted that they slow down your old iPhones when they release a new one. Yeah, we predicted that like two months ago once my phone started to suck. We all knew this was the case, so fuck you, Steve Jobs... You fucking slow down our phones?