Our Lawyer Mike Portnoy And Dr David Chao

The Bears will lose to the winless Browns

The Bears are going to lose to the Browns. So John Fox [is] 0-7 as a Bears coach when they are the favorites. That's a very impressive stat. Straight up losses. And the Browns, I will contend the Browns, in terms of pure full roster, probably have more talent than the Bears.

Blake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are the two best quarterbacks in the NFL

Jacksonville versus the Niners, the hot Niners. That's a huge one. I said earlier on Larry's picks, this is the as-we-all-expected game because Blake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are the two best quarterbacks in the NFL right now, as we all expected.

The Falcons are going back to the Super Bowl

Falcons-Saints. This is actually a good game... I've put myself in the Falcons camp, and I say they're going back to the Super Bowl. I agree with that. I said that three weeks ago. They're a classic team where they have all the talent in the world, and they've played their worst football ever... the Falcons could be trouble for someone.

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -4.5 vs 49ers

I have the Jags. Blake Bortles. [The spread] is four and a half, by the way. Minus four and a half.

Lock of the Week: Chiefs -10 vs Dolphins

I'm going to take the Chiefs. I think the Chiefs have figured it out. Minus 10 Dolphins in Kansas City. Dolphins already won the Super Bowl. Beat the Patriots on Monday night. So this is all just gravy.

The first three Christmas Day NBA unders will always win

I bet the first three Christmas Day unders every single year, and I think it's won every single year for like 15 years. The only year it didn't win was the lockout year when the first game of the season was Christmas Day. And it's basically because everyone's full... And they wear those stupid jerseys... Take the Christmas Day Unders first three.

Bitcoin will be worth nothing within a year

The other not-so-optimistic side, I guess, would be that in about six months or a year, [Bitcoin] will be worth nothing... I know you guys don't want to hear that, especially Dan and a relative of mine, but who knows what's going to happen with that.

Carson Wentz could not have played through his torn ACL like Philip Rivers did

I highly doubt that Philadelphia Eagles or the team doctors proposed that to Carson Wentz... Yes, he's a young quarterback... Totally different type of quarterback. Of course, I have no idea of the associated injuries, but it has come out in the media that there was some sort of partial IT band and or meniscus that might complicate things for Carson Wentz. And, you know, you saw the instability just walking on the field where his knee jutted out... That is concerning. And also you can't risk the franchise.

Florida State has a 'turtle murdering problem' and a bad culture

I'm guessing the Tallahassee police are somehow involved in this... Knowing that there's been one turtle murder that I know of this year, and it happened at Florida State, that's conclusive. Bad culture.

Apple purposefully slows down old iPhones when new ones are released

Apple has come out and admitted that they slow down your old iPhones when they release a new one. Yeah, we predicted that like two months ago once my phone started to suck. We all knew this was the case, so fuck you, Steve Jobs... You fucking slow down our phones?