PMT DB
PMT DB
Mr. Portnoy and Dr. David Chao on NFL Injuries and Legal Complaints
We opened the show with a much-needed intervention for Big Cat. At 32 years old, he is officially in the throes of a Call of Duty addiction that involves watching YouTube tutorials at midnight to fix his "sway" and yelling at teenagers in lobbies. PFT Commenter and Hank tried to help, but Big Cat is too far gone, claiming he just wants to take out a sniper rifle and blast everyone.
NFL Week 16 and The Return of the King
Turning to the actual gridiron, the slate is looking a bit depressing as we reach the penultimate week of the regular season. Big Cat is already bracing for impact as his Bears prepare to face the winless Browns, and he’s not exactly optimistic about Chicago’s ability to avoid an embarrassing upset.
Big CatThe Bears will lose to the winless Browns
The Bears are going to lose to the Browns. So John Fox [is] 0-7 as a Bears coach when they are the favorites. That's a very impressive stat. Straight up losses. And the Browns, I will contend the Browns, in terms of pure full roster, probably have more talent than the Bears.
PFT Commenter is looking forward to the "as-we-all-expected" showdown between the Jaguars and the Niners, featuring the two greatest quarterbacks currently walking the earth.
PFT CommenterBlake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are currently the two best quarterbacks in the NFL
I said earlier on Larry's picks, this is the as-we-all-expected game because Blake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are the two best quarterbacks in the NFL right now, as we all expected.
While most of the league is looking towards the playoffs, the guys are keeping an eye on the Falcons. Big Cat is doubling down on his belief that Atlanta is just waiting to flip the switch despite their inconsistent play.
Big CatThe Falcons are going back to the Super Bowl
Falcons-Saints. This is actually a good game... I've put myself in the Falcons camp, and I say they're going back to the Super Bowl. I agree with that. I said that three weeks ago. They're a classic team where they have all the talent in the world, and they've played their worst football ever... the Falcons could be trouble for someone.
Before the weekend kicks off, PFT Commenter warned everyone to keep their eyes on the news wire. With the holidays approaching, he is convinced the league office is ready to bury some major news in the Friday afternoon shadows.
PFT CommenterRoger Goodell will news dump something major this Friday before Christmas
I'm just calling it right now... this is the friday before christmas this is roger goodell's wet dream of a friday for a news dump... he is definitely gonna dump something
Portnoy’s Complaint: Year-End Edition
Our lawyer, Mr. Portnoy, joined us from Florida to provide legal counsel on everything from Yu Darvish’s fake news reports to the ousting of Papa John. He also brought a fresh batch of complaints, specifically targeting wireless printers that don't provide English-only manuals and the ongoing mystery of his "singed mail."
The conversation naturally drifted toward the financial craze of the moment: Bitcoin. While the guys are all-in on crypto, Mr. Portnoy offered a much grimmer outlook for the digital currency.
Mr. PortnoyBitcoin will be worth nothing within a year
The other not-so-optimistic side, I guess, would be that in about six months or a year, [Bitcoin] will be worth nothing... I know you guys don't want to hear that, especially Dan... but who knows what's going to happen with that.
Pro Football Doc Breaks Down the IR
Dr. David Chao, better known as @ProFootballDoc, stopped by to explain why the 2017 season has felt like an absolute graveyard for superstars. We got the medical breakdown of why Philip Rivers could play on a torn ACL while others can't, and why Carson Wentz’s situation was a completely different animal.
Dr. David ChaoCarson Wentz could not have played through his torn ACL like Philip Rivers did
I highly doubt that Philadelphia Eagles or the team doctors proposed that to Carson Wentz... Yes, he's a young quarterback... Totally different type of quarterback. Of course, I have no idea of the associated injuries, but it has come out in the media that there was some sort of partial IT band and or meniscus that might complicate things for Carson Wentz. And, you know, you saw the instability just walking on the field where his knee jutted out... That is concerning. And also you can't risk the franchise.
We also touched on the enigma that is Andrew Luck's shoulder. PFT Commenter floated a theory that Luck’s high IQ might actually be a detriment to his physical recovery, a hypothesis that Dr. Chao handled with professional grace.
PFT CommenterAndrew Luck feels more pain from his injuries because he is smart
My theory on Andrew Luck is that he's smart, so he feels more pain. Is there any credence to my dumb theory?
Stay Woke and Jimbos
In a wild Stay Woke segment, we looked at the Reddit-fueled conspiracy that Florida State might not actually be bowl eligible due to Delaware State's scholarship numbers. Big Cat pointed out that between scholarship math and turtle-related crimes, the culture in Tallahassee is reaching a breaking point.
Big CatFlorida State has a 'turtle murdering problem' and a bad culture
I'm guessing the Tallahassee police are somehow involved in this... Knowing that there's been one turtle murder that I know of this year, and it happened at Florida State, that's conclusive. Bad culture.
We also took a victory lap on the iPhone battery scandal. For months, we’ve been saying Apple was intentionally tanking old phones to force upgrades, and now that they've admitted it, Big Cat is ready to fight the ghost of Steve Jobs.
Big CatApple purposefully slows down old iPhones when new ones are released
Apple has come out and admitted that they slow down your old iPhones when they release a new one. Yeah, we predicted that like two months ago once my phone started to suck. We all knew this was the case, so fuck you, Steve Jobs... You fucking slow down our phones?
Finally, we wrapped up with some holiday-themed Jimbos, including a listener who fake-proposed to his girlfriend as a New Year's prank and another who accidentally googled "Fantasy Fuckboys" on a work computer and discovered a very different kind of content than our weekly segment.
Make sure to grab the PMT gift certificate for your loved ones this Christmas—it's the only gift that costs nothing but is worth everything.
