Andrew Schulz

I hate acting and am bad at it, and it's ironic that people keep offering me roles precisely because I tell them not to cast me

I only care about comedy. Right? You gotta force me to act. ... I'm saying this right now. And every time I say it, I get offered another gig. I don't like acting right. I'm bad at it, but they keep offering shit. ... It was like literally the director [of White Men Can't Jump] almost didn't put me in it. And I was like, why? He was like, well, I listen to brilliant idiots. And you specifically said, don't cast me. I'll ruin your movie.

The reason people are so outraged today is because they are waiting too long to have kids

I think part of like the, everybody being outraged about things is we're waiting too long to have kids. ... because there is like, once you have kids, the little things, the little things do not bother you as much. ... I don't have time for that. I just want my kid to be like a good kid.

Jalen Brunson is an 'alpha' who will succeed in New York because of his Villanova background

Jalen Brunson actually might be one of those guys. He has a little that alpha. Cause like at Villanova, like you can see it. ... And like when Luka [Doncic] was down in that series, he picked it up. Like he does have that quiet, alpha, like I know what I can do and I'm gonna do it.

If my special is successful, it will force major streaming services to stop giving notes to comedians

Let's just teach these streamers that like, you know, people like funny jokes and it doesn't matter if they're messed up... if this is successful, they can't give comics and notes anymore. ... because you can't compete.