Takes

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

LeBron James is passive-aggressive and can't spell his own metaphors

That's LeBron James because J.J. Watt would never tweet anything as passive-aggressive as that... He also did spell it wrong. He said, you can't accomplish the dream if everyone isn't dreaming the same thing every day.

Derrick Rose is in a permanent state of being so hurt that he's actually injured

With Derrick Rose. I, I say he is injured by a thousand hertz. Like he's gotten hurt so many times that it's all like just one big injury for him right now at this point. His body is just in a permanent state of being so hurt that it's injured... His mind, body and soul.

Serge Ibaka being well-endowed is a known fact confirmed by rumors

[Serge Ibaka]... Everyone knows [he's] got a big dick. That's just a fact from a rumor.