Life's too short to bet the unders

I obviously bet overs today. I lasted two games before I broke my one rule that I had spent the entire week pep talking myself into... life's too short to bet the unders in life.

Rooting for sloppy, terrible basketball is as fun as rooting for scoring

I get that you feel bad rooting against teams scoring points. But there's a beauty to rooting for teams to just play sloppy-ass ball and turn the ball over all the time and have really egregious fouls and backcourt violations and five-second violations. There's a lot of fun to be had in that, and I feel like you're missing out on it by adhering to this stringent rule that life's too short to bet the unders.

Darren Rovell is the 'well-actually guy' of the NCAA tournament

Darren Rovell, who makes a case in point to tell everybody in America that he does not fill out a bracket, because guess what? Eight years ago, for the first time, he decided not to do a bracket, and it's so much more fun watching the tournament without it. So he is the well-actually guy of the NCAA tournament.

The 'other bracket' guy is the worst person during March Madness

I'm power ranking. Other bracket guy is number one is the worst... The guy who always he'll always chime in whenever there's a big upset. But he'll like have one bracket in his hand... 'I don't have that upset here. I just have it on my other bracket.' This like elusive other bracket that no one knows about.

March Madness is the best time of year for office small talk

Is this the best time of year for small talk? ... Because everyone just walking around being like, oh, did you have Yale over Baylor? It's just everyone has small talk. ... It's actually outside of maybe like a blizzard. It's the best small talk piece that you can have in an office. Because it's something that affects everybody.

Burning tape or burying a football only provides momentum for exactly one win

[Big Cat]: Burning tape or burying a football will always give you a little extra juice the next game. [PFT]: It gives you exactly one win. And then you kind of run out of energy because you've done all your crazy shit.

Coaches collapse during games for motivation or to avoid accountability

Tony Bennett made the mistake of doing it when his team's up. You're supposed to do it when it's down so that even if you lose, people can't be like, oh, that coach sucks... I think that every single time my team got down big in a big game, I just collapsed... and then if you lose, everyone's like, wow, man, I can't believe like he just collapsed and he kept on coaching.

Ivy League schools shouldn't be allowed to participate in March Madness

All these rich pricks that think they're better than everyone they shouldn't get this experience. No, it's a state school experience only... You fucking Ivy League kids should not get to participate in March Madness.

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

Virginia will cover -7 against Butler on Saturday

Saturday, the game I like the most, at least initially, I don't know how Butler scores more than 50 points against Virginia. I think that's one where you can lay the seven with the Cavaliers and feel pretty confident about doing so.

Chris Jones should be immune to traffic tickets because of his Combine incident

I feel like if you're the guy whose dick broke through his shorts just because he's running too fast you got to get a carte blanche on driving with a suspended license... I've got to side with Chris Jones on this and not the Police Lives Matter crew.

Adam LaRoche's son will be the greatest hot take writer ever because he grew up in locker rooms

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, like, you know, pranks, guys, you know, calling each other [names]. His entire life is a locker room. I can't wait till he grows up and starts like just throwing his ideas of his worldviews around.