Takes

The Patriots' lighthouse is not a 'real' lighthouse because it's not visible from a federal body of water

It's not a lighthouse if it's not visible from a federal body of water... It's a fucked up stupid lighthouse. They call it a non-traditional lighthouse. A.k.a. not a lighthouse.

Bears in zoos do not hibernate because they have constant access to food and warmth

Animals in zoos do not hibernate. Bears in zoos don't hibernate if they have plenty of food and water and warmth. They don't hibernate. Hibernation is only in a state of cold.