Takes

The USMNT will beat Mexico in the Gold Cup final but will inevitably disappoint in their next major tournament

The US is gonna play against Mexico in the finals. We're going to beat Mexico in the finals and we're all gonna be like US soccer's back. We're good. And then we're gonna blow it again in the next tournament that we play. It's the pageantry and the spectacle of the Gold Cup.

Lionel Messi is the Chris Paul of soccer if he doesn't win the World Cup

My hot seat is Lionel Messi in Argentina because Argentina just lost 2-1 against the kingdom of Saudi Arabia... maybe the biggest defeat in the World Cup, some are asking is Messi a bust? Some are asking is Messi the Chris Paul of soccer? I think it's a fair comparison at this point.

It would be 'fucking hilarious' if the US Men's National Soccer Team loses by 6 goals and misses the World Cup

If the U.S. team loses by six goals tonight then they don't automatically qualify... I as a giant U.S. men's national team soccer fan, I can admit that if they lose by six goals tonight and don't qualify, that is fucking hilarious. I hope either they win or they lose by six or more goals tonight.

The USA is officially the best soccer country in the world because Christian Pulisic won the Champions League

The best player in the world [Pulisic] played on the best team in the world... the best player on the best club team is American. Therefore, the USA is the best soccer country in the entire world.

FIFA is the one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit.

If there's one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit, it's FIFA. This is like number 100 on their list right now of things to take care of right behind building stadiums that look like vaginas using slave labor.