Takes

Jayson Tatum's back tattoo is grammatically incorrect

He did get a new tattoo on his back huge tattoo God's will God's will mmm. No apostrophe though, God's will God's will is God's will... if he wants to be the best player in the league. He cannot have grammatically incorrect tattoo. Kind of sucks has been Kevin Durant people like didn't know he had tattoos till he was like five years ago. They were all grammatically correct.

The NFL draft hats are just a way for Roger Goodell to sell more junk

This is what Roger Goodell is really, really good at, and that's just finding a one-off occasion and then selling a bunch of shit on top of it. So they designed all 32 teams brand-new hats.

The NFL released draft hats just to flex on the dying AAF

Basically, they put a big piece of cheese out in the middle of the floor... Snap. You're talking about the NFL in the middle of April. This is the nail in the coffin for the AAF. It's a flex.

The New York Giants draft hat looks like it has a barbed wire tattoo

The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base.

Curling is an exciting sport

I don't think it's boring. I think it's very exciting... but curling is chess on ice.

Tex will beat Hank at Rough N Rowdy

I'm picking Tex. I am... Because I think everybody's on Team Hank. I'm just being a contrarian... I'm going against the house... I haven't thought about it, but I don't see a real knockout.

The internet's cynical reaction to the Lions' new uniforms is overblown

The internet is so cynical all the time that it's like they literally are the same uniforms as the old uniforms. They just have a William Clay Ford tribute on them... You've got to save good jokes for times when they're worth it.

Steph Curry's 'Oxblood' shoes look like footwear for a baptism in juvenile detention

The shoes look like something that you would wear to a baptism if you were in juvenile detention.

Under Armour deliberately releases bad shoe photos for the publicity

I do think that Steph Curry, there's an element where Under Armour is like, we're never going to be the cool shoes. So we'll release some bad pictures again. Let everyone roast us. How are you going to get publicity for Steph Curry's shoes other than letting the internet roast you?