Takes

The new Rangers stadium looks like a cheap Home Depot shed

it looks like a cheap shed that you buy at Home Depot to like keep your garbage cans so that the raccoons don't get it... it looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburned neighbors truck.

The Milwaukee Brewers logo is the best in sports because of the hidden 'MB'

My favorite logo and all sports is though. It's a little bit more complicated the Brewers logo... It's got the middle. In there. Yeah. It's got the letters m and b hmm that blew my mind.

Jayson Tatum's back tattoo is grammatically incorrect

He did get a new tattoo on his back huge tattoo God's will God's will mmm. No apostrophe though, God's will God's will is God's will... if he wants to be the best player in the league. He cannot have grammatically incorrect tattoo. Kind of sucks has been Kevin Durant people like didn't know he had tattoos till he was like five years ago. They were all grammatically correct.

Russell Wilson looks like a baby caterpillar dipped in Vaseline in his latest photoshoot

[Russell Wilson] looks like a baby caterpillar, those fuzzy baby caterpillars dipped in Vaseline.

Tennessee will never be 'back'

Tennessee is like—no, it's not like... Tennessee will never be back, but we're not like threatened by Tennessee saying it. No, I love burnt orange.

The NFL draft hats are just a way for Roger Goodell to sell more junk

This is what Roger Goodell is really, really good at, and that's just finding a one-off occasion and then selling a bunch of shit on top of it. So they designed all 32 teams brand-new hats.

The NFL released draft hats just to flex on the dying AAF

Basically, they put a big piece of cheese out in the middle of the floor... Snap. You're talking about the NFL in the middle of April. This is the nail in the coffin for the AAF. It's a flex.

The New York Giants draft hat looks like it has a barbed wire tattoo

The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base.

Curling is an exciting sport

I don't think it's boring. I think it's very exciting... but curling is chess on ice.

Tex will beat Hank at Rough N Rowdy

I'm picking Tex. I am... Because I think everybody's on Team Hank. I'm just being a contrarian... I'm going against the house... I haven't thought about it, but I don't see a real knockout.

Mark Brunell is dead to Jaguars fans because he cried on TV

This is actually a fun fact for most Jaguars fans out there. Mark Brunell's dead to us. Yeah, because he cried... about football... you can't cry about that.

Whataburger's actual burgers are trash

Whataburger is trash... Whenever you talk about a burger joint, you're talking about the burger. You can't say you've got to try Whataburger, but the chicken's really good. I know this great rib joint, but you've got to try the salmon.

Under Armour used Game 1 of the NBA Finals as a 'soft launch' for the Curry 4s to avoid a social media roasting

I also like the idea of using a game as a soft launch for something. So it's not like Under Armour tweeted out a picture and said, 'Hey, everybody, what do you think of the new shoes?' It's more of something that people got to discover for themselves.

The internet is too cynical about new jerseys and the Lions' grays aren't that bad

I think they're fine. I think they're good. This is what the internet does. They just release something and then everyone says that's awful and then everyone just jumps on it. The grays don't look that bad.

The internet's cynical reaction to the Lions' new uniforms is overblown

The internet is so cynical all the time that it's like they literally are the same uniforms as the old uniforms. They just have a William Clay Ford tribute on them... You've got to save good jokes for times when they're worth it.

Steph Curry's 'Oxblood' shoes look like footwear for a baptism in juvenile detention

The shoes look like something that you would wear to a baptism if you were in juvenile detention.

Under Armour deliberately releases bad shoe photos for the publicity

I do think that Steph Curry, there's an element where Under Armour is like, we're never going to be the cool shoes. So we'll release some bad pictures again. Let everyone roast us. How are you going to get publicity for Steph Curry's shoes other than letting the internet roast you?

The Steph Curry 'Oxblood' shoes aren't actually that bad

I don't think they're that bad. That's all I was saying. I wouldn't wear them and buy them myself, but the way the internet freaks out about them, it's the worst thing in the world. There's been much worse NBA player shoes.