PMT DB
PMT DB
Barstool Van Talk Announcement and MLB Playoff Chaos
The vibes are high but the sleep is low as the guys drop a massive announcement that has been months in the making. But before they get into the business of becoming TV stars, there was the small matter of a chaotic Game 5 between the Cubs and the Nationals. For PFT, it was yet another chapter in the long, dark history of DC sports suffering, a pain he traces back to some very specific, Kardashian-related ancient history.
PFT CommenterDC sports are officially cursed
As a fan of the Nationals and the Capitals, I'm beginning to think maybe somebody from DC Sports went back in time and stepped in a Kardashian or something... It's cursed. At this point we can say maybe Mark Rypien got, what's her name, the matriarch of the Kardashian family, got her pregnant and then had an abortion or something.
Big Cat was feeling much better as his Cubs survived a dizzy bat race of a game where neither manager seemed to know how a bullpen works. While the Cubs moved on, Big Cat couldn't help but roast the booth and the current state of replay rules that seem designed to suck the soul out of the game.
Big CatThe replay rule for runners coming off the bag is the worst rule in baseball
It worked in the Cubs' favor, but I think it's the worst rule in baseball when a guy comes off of a bag and they hold a slide for like a second longer and he's off by a centimeter and they watch a million replays like, yeah, you know what? He was out.
Big CatErnie Johnson and Ron Darling are the least electric duo to call an elimination game
Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling. Maybe the least electric duo to call an elimination game in sports. It sounded like they were just hanging out... It sounded like Ernie Johnson was on the phone with his wife in the other hand, and then he'd just pop into the mic and be like, that's a double.
Speaking of the broadcast, Big Cat even found himself pining for a certain voice that usually gets the people going on Twitter, just because at least he brings a sense of occasion to the proceedings.
Big CatI miss Joe Buck's 'big game' voice
I'm going to say it. I miss Joe Buck... Joe Buck has a big game voice. That's a fact. Yeah, he could say the exact same things that Ernie Johnson says, but there's something about Joe Buck. You hear that voice, and you know what? It's pageantry.
The Big Announcement: Barstool Van Talk
After nearly two years of grinding on the podcast, Big Cat and PFT finally let the cat out of the bag: they are heading to the Deuce. Starting next Tuesday at 1 AM, *Barstool Van Talk* will be airing on ESPN2. They spent a significant portion of the show explaining that nothing is changing with the podcast—they aren't leaving Barstool, they aren't moving to Bristol, and they are still going to be the same idiots you know and love.
PFT CommenterBarstool Van Talk on ESPN2 is the biggest opportunity we've ever had
We see this as probably the biggest opportunity we've ever had. And we know what's at stake for our entire company and for all the people that we work with and care about.
They’ll be filming the show primarily out of Vanny Woodhead to keep that authentic, cramped, and slightly smelly feel. PFT did warn the readers that his Monday morning column might have to go on a temporary hiatus given the grueling shoot schedule, but the tradeoff is getting guests like Scott Van Pelt in the van for extended interviews that will also feed back into the podcast.
NFL Week 6 Picks and Fantasy Fuccbois
Transitioning into football, the guys looked ahead to the "PMT Cup" featuring Jared Goff vs. Blake Bortles. While the Jaguars are technically "back" on the meter, Big Cat is worried about the regression of a certain Panthers quarterback who seems to be hitting a millennial-sized wall.
Big CatCam Newton stinks again
Cam Newton stinks again. Well, that's not entirely true. Okay. He kind of stinks. He likes to go up and down. I feel like when Cam, when everyone's like, ooh, Cam's putting it all together. He's like, hey, guys, watch this. Hey, hold my avocado. Watch this. Because he's a millennial. He's going to fucking just throw three interceptions and look like trash.
In the picks segment, Hank is going all-in on his boy Mitchell Trubisky to keep things close against the Ravens. Meanwhile, Big Cat is looking at a specific "rat line" in the Steelers-Chiefs game, banking on Ben Roethlisberger's lack of self-awareness to carry the day.
Big CatThe Steelers will cover +4.5 against the Chiefs
I'm going to do the rat line of the week, the wonky game of the week. I'm taking the Steelers plus 4.5 [against the Chiefs]. It makes no sense... Vegas doesn't know what to do about that.
Big CatBig Ben will have a big game against the Chiefs because he's too dumb to realize he stinks
Big Ben is too dumb to realize he stinks now. That's why he's going to come out. He's going to throw all over the field. Big Ben, he's fatter than Andy Reid now. That's a win for Big Ben.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne and Uncle Chaps
Our good friend Uncle Chaps joined the show to read some of the most brutal five-star review roasts yet. Before getting into the insults, Chaps, a noted Jaguars superfan, had to set the record straight on why certain franchise legends are no longer welcome in Jacksonville.
Uncle ChapsMark Brunell is dead to Jaguars fans because he cried on TV
This is actually a fun fact for most Jaguars fans out there. Mark Brunell's dead to us. Yeah, because he cried... about football... you can't cry about that.
Chaps also took a massive swing at the Texas institution of Whataburger, claiming that the actual burgers are a total fraud, even if the chicken biscuits are elite. To wrap things up, the guys discussed the latest "That's Enough Internet" moment involving Tim Hortons and a latte flavor that sounds like a biological weapon.
PFT CommenterThe Tim Hortons Buffalo Wing Sauce Latte will make you shit yourself
There's a big problem with combining greasy, spicy food with something that naturally speeds up your bowels like a latte. So those two together are going to have some synergy where you're going to have to drink it on the toilet.
See you all on Tuesday night at 1 AM—bring your own coffee and clear your DVRs.
