Uncle Chaps, Mike Portnoy & Pat McAfee

Overtime hockey is the worst experience in sports when your team is playing

You know what else is bad is overtime hockey when your team is in it. If another person's team is in it, it's great... But when it's your team, you just want to eat a gun.

The Bulls will give the Celtics a good series in the first round

I think the Bulls are going to give the Celtics a really good series.

John Madden is actually dead and the NFL uses fake quotes for PR

The theory of this show is that John Madden has been dead for years and that the NFL just uses fake John Madden quotes for PR. Anytime you want to get real football fans behind you, just tell them that John Madden says it's like this.

The Falcons technically won the Super Bowl according to Bill Belichick's math

[Belichick's] exact quote was really at halftime the game is two thirds over because the fourth quarter is just situational football. So spin zone, the Falcons technically won the Super Bowl.

Eli Manning definitely committed fraud with the game-worn gear scandal

He did commit fraud. That's okay. What he should do is just come out and be like, hey, guys, I committed fraud. That's on me.

The internet is too cynical about new jerseys and the Lions' grays aren't that bad

I think they're fine. I think they're good. This is what the internet does. They just release something and then everyone says that's awful and then everyone just jumps on it. The grays don't look that bad.

The Cleveland Indians should retire Chief Wahoo and just sell throwbacks for profit

I also don't know why they don't. They just get rid of it. Do the C. Do the block C. And then just sell it as throwbacks. You can still make money off it. Just like, you know what, guys, you're right. It's 2016. We need to do a better job with this logo. And then in a year, be like throwback night.

Jay Mariotti and Woody Page have broken up their media partnership

PFT said, I've got a trouble in paradise. And he broke the heartbreaking news that Jay Mariotti and Woody Page have broken up. I propose that we just let that stay and see how long until everyone else realized that they had broken up.

Coach K is using bizarre 'freshman roommate' pitches to recruit Zion Williamson

Coach K. He also said, this is a weird move by Coach K. He's telling Zion Williamson, at a school like Duke, it's tough to get in. So he said, you never know who you could be living with. You might be on the hall with a person who will be the president one day or a brain surgeon... Why not just be like, hey, Zion, come to Duke and then you'll go to the draft and be a millionaire.

The Raiders' Black Hole in Las Vegas will be corporate and terrible

Talking about the black hole in Las Vegas just bummed me out because you know it's going to be all corporate. It's going to be the Harrah's blackjack black hole or something like that, and it's going to suck. This is the first time I've thought about the Raiders moving to Vegas and being like, eh.

Coachella is just Burning Man for millennial social media kids

It's burning man for millennial social media kids because... I look on Instagram and it's like all these very attractive young ladies like, oh, can't wait for Coachella. And I'm just thinking, you're not a music festival person. You're not going to go tent for three days and live in shit.

Indianapolis is the true 'Barstool America' because it's stereotypical heartland

We Oxford Dictionary-ed what America is. Stereotypically American was the answer, and I said, well, I think that's more like everything I do in my life... I'm all about the heartland here. And even New York City, boy, has grown on me... but when I got here, I really thought I was in foreign land.

Buffalo Wild Wings is making a comeback with larger wings

Their wings got bad there for a little while. They're coming back, though. The wings are good. They got bigger wings.

Having 15 bridesmaids in a wedding is ridiculous and impossible

I think anytime you reach double digits, it's like, holy shit, what's going on here? ... Nobody has that many friends. If you have 12 people in your wedding, that means that either you're just trying way too hard to please people or it just means that you're rich and all your friends are using you for your money.

Swallowing dip spit is significantly worse than drinking pee

I would... I would beer bong three solid urination trips over taking one sip of dip, spit, and swallowing.