Takes

Pitchers should be required to finish the entire inning they enter

I actually think they should go one further and a pitcher gets in the game and they have to finish the inning. Because it would be so funny watching a pitcher just die out there and give up a million home runs.

The Astros' sign-stealing is blatant cheating and disgusting

The Astros have been cheating and cheating a lot... it's blatant cheating. There's I like baseball when there is like a little He's been ship a little this little that... but this seems like they were actually using high like high-tech cameras in the Outfield yet relaying it to The Dugout and real time... which is so blatant lie cheat ice gusting.

The Astros scandal makes the Nationals' 2019 World Series win more impressive

This makes the Nationals world series title even more impressive. Yeah the fact that they were able to beat him. While they're eating Cheetos... 60% of the Astros runs were scored in the first inning before the Nationals would change how they were doing their signs.

MLB's black and white jerseys are heinous but a genius marketing move

Way to stay relevant baseball. It's Players Weekend, and they have the new jerseys... This year... Straight black and white. I actually think this is a genius move by baseball. They're heinous, the jerseys. But genius move to get everyone to talk about them.

Trevor Bauer is a 'dumb smart person' whose antics are good for baseball

Trevor Bauer... he's a dumb, smart person. ... I think that he might be exactly what baseball needs. We always talk about baseball. We don't have a face of the game. Lean into marketing this dumbass. ... Baseball hasn't really had an asshole for a long time.

Blake Snell was actually having sex in the shower when he hurt his toe

Dude, you're having sex in the shower. Like that was a really long way of just saying, hey, I was having sex in the shower and I stubbed my toe.

The MLB retiring Ichiro at 7 AM in Japan is the worst way to stay relevant

Way to Stay Relevant Baseball, having one of the most liked superstars in the past probably 50 years retire at 7 a.m. when no one was watching in Japan... And on top of all of that, I actually woke up and... I went to Twitter to try to find some clips. Well, another one, MLB. I forgot. No one can tweet any clips from your product. So I couldn't even see Ichiro's last thing until you uploaded it on yourself. So good job, MLB.

Baseball writers will hold Ichiro's unannounced retirement against him in Hall of Fame voting

This is going to cost him some votes in the Hall of Fame. When he's eligible, people are saying that he might be another unanimous entry... but I would not put it past baseball writers to get upset about not getting the heads up about his retirement and hold that against him five years from now.

I support a three-batter minimum for MLB relief pitchers

Three batter minimum, love it... I actually think they should go further with that. I think they should have a, if you come in on an inning, you have to finish the inning. Just watch guys get fucking torched.

A ground rule double in baseball should count as a home run

I also think that a ground rule double should be a home run. Not the weird one where it gets stuck in the ivy, but just if it bounces over, I think that should count as a home run.

Quarterback is the coolest position in all of sports

Being the quarterback on an NFL team is the coolest thing you can do in sports. Like, it is. It just is. It's always going to be the coolest thing. It's always going to be the top of the mountain in terms of position, sport, you name it, quarterback, NFL, will always trump almost everything else.

Kyler Murray might not be worth first-round money because of his height

Since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970, there have been 107 QBs selected in the first round of the draft... [Number of QBs shorter than six feet]: Zero. So what? I just mean that Kyler Murray might not be worth all the money that he thinks he's worth in the NFL... or he's not going to be as good in the NFL as people think he is because he's not that tall.

Shortening the MLB season and adding doubleheaders would make the sport better

Anthony Rizzo has said that he thinks we should play less baseball games, which I'm all for... Why don't we just start it later and do doubleheaders? Doubleheaders are such a fun, weird thing in baseball that they don't do enough... I think less baseball would make baseball, I think it'd be an addition by subtraction.