Takes

Smashing televisions should be a top responsibility for a baseball manager

My favorite part of the story is that AJ Hinch not once but twice smash the TVs that Alex Cora was using to help cheat... I don't know what your job duties are as a manager, but I'm pretty sure that smashing televisions should be pretty high up on that list.

Alex Cora should get a lifetime ban just because it sounds 'juicy'

Alex Cora, I'm not in favor of a lifetime ban, but I am in favor of hearing the term lifetime ban. Oh, yeah. Definitely. It's awesome hearing Alex Cora has been issued a lifetime ban from baseball. Like I don't think that he deserves it and what I deserve to hear that... there's nothing more satisfying than just like when you read the words lifetime bans.

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time. He's also the best baseball player currently. And Rob Manfred came out and said it's Mike Trout's fault because he's so boring.

Dan Haren is a genius for joining the Diamondbacks because their pitching can't get worse

Smart move for him to join that team because basically he can just go and fart and be like, oh, they're better. 30th ranked team. So basically, they can't get worse. He can just go pick his nose, fart, listen to Pardon My Take, and they'll, by just the law of averages, get a little bit better.