David Ortiz, Dallas Braden, And Mt Rushmore Of Zoo Animals

I like the Kawhi Leonard trade for the Raptors because their old core wasn't working

I actually like this move for the Raptors because you couldn't, after you lose to LeBron 4-0 in your best season in franchise history... And everyone says these guys are a mental mess. DeMar DeRozan didn't even play in game three in crunch time. You need to do something different.

Kawhi Leonard is a top five NBA player when healthy

Kawhi is, if he's healthy, which I assume he is, is a top five NBA player. And now you have one of the best defenses in the NBA.

Fortnite being a distraction will be the biggest story of the 2018 college football season

I think we can all agree the big story of the 2018 college football season is going to be coaches being mad about Fortnite. I think that is going to be the big overarching story every single week.

Dabo Swinney will be the first coach to win a game of Fortnite to impress recruits

I'm going to make a prediction. I'm going to try to call my shot. Dabo [Swinney] is going to be the first one to ever win a game of Fortnite. To battle royale number one. Because he's going to start playing and being like, check it out, guys. I play Fortnite like you do.

No two countries with American football have ever gone to war with each other

I sat back. I crunched the numbers. No two countries that have American football have ever gone to war with each other. [Countries like] Mexico. Canada. Canada... they have Canadian football. Yeah, it's the same thing.

Gorillas are the best zoo animal because looking into their eyes is life-changing

Right off the bat, I'm going gorillas. Gorillas are great for so many reasons. Have you ever looked into a gorilla's eyes in the zoo when they make eye contact with you? It is a life-changing conversation. If you can get past the tears that are flowing out of them. It is a life-changing event.

Penguins are the most entertaining zoo animal because they trip and fall

My number two, definitely the most entertaining zoo animal, penguins. When penguins are running around, a penguin diving into the water is just pure joy.

The Red Sox will win the World Series this year

You're going to guarantee the Red Sox World Series this year? [PFT] Yeah. [David Ortiz] Oh, heard here first... First reported. After first reported, I call the Red Sox World Series champ.

The Oakland A's will make the Wild Card in 2018

The Oakland A's will happen to creep into that Wild Card spot in the AL. The Oakland A's will be playing meaningful and potential postseason baseball come the finish of... late September.

Unwritten rules are necessary to provide policing in baseball

For the most part, what I believe unwritten rules do are provide a sort of policing that players on the whole can either understand at the minimum, even if they're not on board with. They kind of have an idea of why this is happening. Why am I getting drilled right now?

Jimmy Garoppolo dating a porn star is like a pro-am for sex

Jimmy Garoppolo is so confident in his sex abilities, he's doing a pro-am right now. He's playing with a pro... Jordan reached the mountaintop in his chosen profession and then he chose to go try to compete against the best in another profession.

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time. He's also the best baseball player currently. And Rob Manfred came out and said it's Mike Trout's fault because he's so boring.