Takes

Rob Gronkowski will return to the NFL to play in the December and January games

I would say he [Gronkowski] probably will be back because he'll do the thing where he can basically play the important games in December and January and have fun and not have to deal with all the bullshit.

Luke Willson would not work well in Bill Belichick's system

I don't think the Belichick system would work too well with him [Luke Willson].

The Bosa family are made of silk because they are so injury prone

The Bosa family, they're kind of doofies, doofuses, doofi? ... If you did a 23andMe on the Bosa family jeans, it's like 15% Anglo-Saxon and then 85% silk. Torn hamstrings. They're just made out of silk. Their hamstrings are Ming vases.

Jim Harbaugh's parents rooted for John in the Super Bowl because Jim would be unbearable with a ring

I bet you his parents were rooting for John to win that Super Bowl. Because Jim Harbaugh with a Super Bowl ring over John would be unbearable at any family gathering from that point on. He would wear it every Thanksgiving.

The Patriots will select Christian McCaffrey with the 32nd pick in the NFL Draft

Christian McCaffrey, number 32 to the Patriots. Wow. Uhhh ya think? Him and Woodhead in the backfield together? Split backs. Bring back the old split back formation.

Roger Goodell is ducking Foxborough by choosing to attend the NFC Championship game

Goodell... We predicted it. This was a shocker, actually. I thought Goodell would think better of it and go to Foxborough and get spit on by our boss. But it turns out, I guess, he's Will Panson. He's afraid of some bad people from New England.

Robert Griffin III looks hilarious when he gets injured

I'm just going to say it... Robert Griffin looks hilarious when he gets injured. The dude is like, he's all arms and legs. He looks like Stretch Armstrong. Even when he's not getting injured, he looks like he's about to get injured. His body is shaped like an asterisk.

Peyton Hillis had a more successful pro career than anyone else on that Arkansas team, including Darren McFadden

People forget that the most successful pro career of anybody on that Arkansas team was Peyton Hillis. Madden cover boy.