Takes

Time was invented by women to make men feel bad about their performance in bed

Time was just invented by women to make you think that you don't last long enough at sex.

It is selfish to live past 100 years old

Once the clock strikes 100, at that point, you should just let go. You're being selfish if you live past 100. Yeah, you're kind of trying to show everyone up.

Foot injuries are not serious and everyone will think you're a pussy if you complain

Nobody likes it when somebody milks an ankle or a foot injury, okay? It's not that serious. If you got bit by a dog, it'd be a different story. Foot injuries are not serious. If you complain about them, everyone's just going to take your big push.

Rocks are squishy until someone touches them

What if rocks are squishy until someone touches it? ... Whoa. It took you a second but now whoa that's crazy that's like they're all just a bunch of squishy starfish and then you touch it and it's hard. It gets real hard.