PMT DB
PMT DB
Kris Bryant and Marlins Man on Jeter, Bryce Harper, and Playoff Overreactions
It is officially Tax Day, and while PFT Commenter is dealing with some low-T issues thanks to another Capitals playoff collapse, Big Cat and the rest of the crew are diving headfirst into NBA playoff overreactions. The Pacers absolutely dismantled the Cavs in Game 1, leading to some immediate questions about whether the King still wears the crown.
PFT CommenterThe Cavaliers are absolutely done after their Game 1 loss
The Cavaliers are done. Done. Absolutely done. They looked like shit today. LeBron James, I think he's over the hill.
PFT Commenter suggests that LeBron's self-imposed social media blackout for the playoffs might actually be hurting his game, as he's a millennial who needs those Instagram endorphins to function.
PFT CommenterLeBron James needs to get back on social media to play well
I think Zero Dark 23 is actually bad for LeBron because he's such a millennial. He needs to be hooked up to his endorphin stream that comes from his Instagram account and his tweets. He needs to get back on social media.
Big Cat, meanwhile, is looking for the silver lining for any Pacers fans hoping this is the end of the road for Cleveland. He thinks the loss might just be a calculated move for the record books.
Big CatLeBron James lost Game 1 on purpose to pad his all-time stats
LeBron actually lost this game on purpose so he can pad his all-time playoff stats.
Marlins Man Goes Covert
Marlins Man called in from the British Virgin Islands to deliver some breaking news regarding his ongoing war with Derek Jeter. Apparently, the Marlins are claiming their corporate home office is in the BVIs to avoid a lawsuit in Miami, but Marlins Man did some boots-on-the-ground investigative journalism only to find a P.O. Box in the middle of a ghetto. He’s convinced the Jeter era is a total fraud that won't last.
Marlins ManDerek Jeter will not last five years as Marlins owner
I'm being told by some other people I know in baseball... We don't think Jeter lasts the five years. We think that the owners and investors have a pressure on him.
Kris Bryant on Bryce Harper and the Cubs
NL MVP and World Series champ Kris Bryant joined Big Cat and PFT Commenter at Sluggers in Chicago to talk about his perfect life and the upcoming MLB season. The guys didn't waste any time getting to the Bryce Harper rumors, especially since Bryce’s dog is named Wrigley. Kris didn't shy away from the tampering vibes.
Kris BryantI would love to have Bryce Harper on the Cubs
I would love to have Bryce on our team. Who wouldn't? He's great.
They also touched on the locker room dynamics in Chicago, specifically how the team handles Jon Lester’s well-documented struggles with throwing the ball to first base. While Anthony Rizzo isn't afraid to poke the bear, Kris prefers to play it safe.
Kris BryantJon Lester has 'the yips' and it is a sensitive subject
I don't really want to talk to him about [his bounce pass to first]. When you have that, when you don't want to throw the ball, I mean, it's in your mind. You don't want anybody to talk to you about it. Riz [Anthony Rizzo] talks to him all the time about it... I couldn't do it. It's a sensitive subject.
Kris also weighed in on the NBA's Rookie of the Year debate, siding with Ben Simmons despite the "redshirt" year, and shared his experience of hitting home runs that disappear into the San Diego fog.
Kris BryantBen Simmons should be eligible for Rookie of the Year because he didn't play a game his first year
He didn't play one game [his first year]? Then he's a rookie. I mean, you didn't do anything on the court to gain any experience or stuff. I think he's a rookie.
Who's Back and Hot Seat
Who's Back included the annual tradition of watching time-lapse videos of arenas switching from hockey ice to NBA hardwood, and the return of Oscar De La Hoya to the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Big Cat broke down the alleged blackmail tape involving kitchen utensils, which sounds like an absolute fever dream.
Big CatOscar De La Hoya's alleged sex tape is one of the wildest ever
The sex tape features one blonde and one brunette... in one scene, the women are seen performing sex acts on him with kitchen utensils. [A source] said it's one of the wildest sex tapes he's ever watched.
The guys also discussed the "Stay Relevant" segment for baseball, where Hank has a theory that MLB is juicing the stitches on the balls just to make sure pitchers look filthier on social media.
HankMLB is making the stitches on baseballs bigger to create better GIFs
This year they're just making the stitches a little bigger, make more movement, better gifs, more social traction... When the pitches are going like four feet across the plate straight up, it's a little suspicious.
Finally, the crew addressed the shocking news of John Cena and Nikki Bella’s breakup. While the tabloids are looking for complex reasons, Big Cat knows the truth: John Cena simply couldn't handle the physical specimens he encountered in the PMT studio.
Big CatJohn Cena broke off his engagement because of the PMT studio
He came into this studio. He saw what a chick looks like with four nipples. He saw the size and depth of my belly button. And boom, now his future wife's sex with his future wife is not as sweet. We clearly broke him up.
We'll see you on Wednesday, and hopefully Bubba learns that an ankle fracture is no excuse for missing work.
