Takes

Chinese food lacks cheese because of lactose sensitivity in Asia

I actually know the answer to this. Because Asian people, by and large, are more sensitive to lactose. So when they first opened up ice cream shops and stuff like that over in China, most people got sick and went out of business.

Soap can't get dirty because it cleans itself

My friend uses a bar of soap to clean his ass crack and uses it the next day on his whole body... He says soap can't get dirty, so it's fine. [Hank says] He's right. You're wrong. It's like soap cleans itself all the time because it's layers.

2019 will be the 'Year of the Core'

We've already decided 2019's year of the core... Year of the core is going to be so lit. 2019, we're going to be sitting on medicine balls and shit or whatever the physio balls. I got a core. I just have a lot of shit on top of the core.

Salt water in the ocean is created by fish semen

It's brackish because that's where all the fish come. So when a fish jizzes... all that jizz has to go somewhere, and it just goes in the water and makes salt water.

Breaking up with a long-term girlfriend for a year to 'experience things' will definitely result in getting back together

Or just tell her that you joined the military and then just leave town. Yeah, for three years. Write a couple postcards. Come back. If she cheated on you, she's a scumbag. Yeah, that's actually a very good way to tell how serious she is about this relationship. Make up a deployment.