Takes

The best way for a celebrity to let off steam anonymously would have been to use their real name on the Jeremy Renner app.

If you're a celebrity this is so tragic that it got shut down because if you wanted to just let off some steam the perfect place to do it would be on the Jeremy Renner app under your real name because no one everyone would just think it was a fake celebrity.

Russell Wilson's sex with Ciara on their wedding night will be fast and furious because of his long celibacy

Russell has not had sex in a long time. He's not going to be, how shall we put, he's not going to be gentle with you. He's not going to last long. Silver lining. Spin zone. It's going to be fast. It's going to be furious. It's not going to be fun. Russell is going to be having sex like somebody who can get shot at any time.

The child who fell into Harambe's enclosure was a plant

This child is a plant, man. This child wanted Harambe dead. The child slid under a fence, through wires, and climbed over a moat wall.

Harambe is happier dead than living in Cincinnati

Do you think that Harambe is, like, happier now that he's dead than living in some, like, terrible enclosure in Cincinnati?