Takes

Olympic runners are breaking world records because there are no fans to suck the oxygen out of the stadium

If there's no crowd at all, does that mean that there's more oxygen for the people to breathe on the track? ... They're sucking all the oxygen out normally, but when there's no fans there, it's a richer environment for especially distance runners to be able to breathe more efficiently.

Michael Phelps is definitely coming out of retirement for the Tokyo Olympics

Does anyone actually think that Michael Phelps isn't racing in Tokyo? The guy can't go a year without having to get into a race with a great white shark, and this is the guy who's retired? He's definitely going to race in Tokyo.

If an Olympic medal deteriorates, the athlete shouldn't be considered the winner anymore

I think the medals that were won in this Olympics, if they deteriorate, they shouldn't count. If the medal's gone, you didn't win it.

The Rio Olympics tragedies are a marketing strategy by Brazil

The only way to remind people that the Olympics are coming is to continually have tragedies and threats... There are some guys in Brazil right now sitting in a marketing office patting themselves on the back. We really did this. We're making the news. Yeah, we threw out Zika. We threw out terrorists, a guy with a gun. There's sewage. There's poop water. Hey, let's throw some old body parts... Front page news. Oh, yeah. And the Olympics are on NBC. Tune in.

The Zika virus is an official threat to the Rio Olympics because of sexual transmission

If you can't get your dick sucked or eat some vagina, there's no point in going to Rio. So Zika is now an official threat to the Olympics. If you're an Olympic athlete and you can't fucking suck your way through Rio, what's the point in going?