Takes

Any NBA team that plays well in March is a 'fake' team because the month doesn't matter

March NBA does not fucking matter because half the teams are not even trying. So when you say, oh man, look at this team so hot in March. Turns out that's all Fools Gold. If you start playing well in March, you're just a fake team. That's really what it comes down to.

I am officially done with all NBA era comparison debates

I'm officially done with conversations comparing eras in the NBA. I feel like that's all that is talked about at this point. I'm getting tired of it. Why can't we just say all the good players would be good in their era? Good basketball players are good. Case closed.

The WWE Championship is essentially a de-facto office position with leadership responsibilities

What I really quickly found out is that it is almost a de-facto position in the office. It's a bigger position than just man and tights wrestling. There's a layer of responsibility, like a team captain. And especially for being a good guy character, to have the title this long is rather unheard of because everyone just tries to murder you every week.

The Rock's massive cheat meals are stolen valor

His cheat days are bullshit. Where he is like, 'Oh me, I'm the Rock, I'm eating a hundred pancakes.' Like yeah dude, eat a hundred pancakes when you're already full and fat. That's hard work. If you're in really good shape and you eat a lot of food, that's not hard. It's stolen valor. I wanna see the Rock eat a cheat meal when he's already full.

John Cena is a dick for trying to invalidate my authenticity

One of the big disagreements John Cena and I have had is he feels I'm not authentic enough or as authentic as he was. And I think at this point I'm pretty confident in who I am. To some people he's still John Cena, the hero, and to other people, especially the younger audience, he's kind of a dick.

Big men everywhere start dreading April because they lose the ability to hide under sweatshirts

We're getting to t-shirt weather. Do we have a plan? The first nice day where it's 70 degrees and you hold onto the sweatshirt and you're like, 'this is uncomfortable.' And you realize I'm gonna have to start wearing a t-shirt. It's the worst feeling in the world. I forgot that I couldn't just wear a sweatshirt for the entire year.

Under the NFL's new overtime rules, you should choose to kick if you win the coin toss.

Now we're gonna have to recalibrate because you win the coin toss. You don't want the ball first. Correct? 'cause then you want to know if you need to go for two on a touchdown.

The NFL's use of the 'player safety' label is almost always a facade for other league interests.

I'm tired of them pretending it's player safety and then being like, let's add another game or add more overtime. It's not player safety. It's never, whenever they say player safety, it's never player safety.

The Tush Push is the safest play in sports and any player safety concerns about it are completely fake.

If they say player safety about the tush push, it's a hundred percent bullshit. Because I don't think there was a single injury on the tush push. There's never been any... It's actually the safest play in sports.

April Fools' Day is the lowest form of comedy.

I'm done with this show. I'm done with this episode. I'm opting out for the rest of this episode. Because April Fools is the lowest form of comedy.

Maryland basketball is currently a stepping stone job.

And here's what sucks for Maryland is that Maryland should not be a stepping stone job. No. Maryland should be a job that a guy should want to stay at for a long time. But as of right now, guess what the reality is? It's a stepping stone job.

College basketball media members are the most out-of-touch group in sports because they blindly defend coaches and don't understand how fans think.

I think college basketball might be the premier sport in terms of guys who cover the sport that don't understand how fans think and also just will defend coaches blindly no matter what.

Jim Harbaugh is the perfect ambassador to convince 'football guys' to embrace analytics because he treats math as an objective truth.

Analytics because our friend Jim Harbaugh said on analytics, math tells the truth. Yeah. If Jim Harbaugh's big on analytics, like you can't, he's our shining beacon when it comes to football guy who also adopts analytics.

Being the partner of a massive celebrity like Sydney Sweeney is a 'down bad' situation in the short term but ultimately better for your long-term sanity.

So down bad right now. But yeah, I think long term would have, you'd have to be a very confident man to be able to deal with your fiance or wife having the entire internet be horny for her at all times. So... I think long term he's probably gonna be like, you know what? That was, that was gonna be tough.

To beat top golfers like Scottie Scheffler, you cannot take shortcuts; you have to work as hard or harder than them or you'll fall behind.

Right now I can say that I work hard and I don't feel like I leave too much out there... You're gonna fall behind if you don't [practice hard]. If you wanna beat Scotty [Scheffler], you gotta work hard. You gotta play good and practice hard to beat all these top players.

College basketball is a Ponzi scheme

I was gonna say it's college basketball. A Ponzi scheme. Mm. Because the tournament starts. Just wait. Did not Great Matchups round of 32. Gonna be great. Round of 32's not great, just wait. Good. So sweet 16. Sweet 16 happens. Oh, that sucked. But just wait. This is the best Elite eight you've ever seen. The Elite eight sucks. But just wait. The final four, we're kicking the can down the road.

Houston is the biggest 'Cinderella' of the Final Four

I have Houston one, then I had Florida two... [Houston] because they've never won a national title. They don't have any legacy in basketball outside of Charles Barkley. And obviously what Bruce Pearl's done, I think they would be the second Cinderella. Florida still has, you know, they, they back to back national titles.

I hate that I don't hate this current Duke team

I'm basically landed on the fact that I think my hate for Duke is now just the fact that I don't hate this Duke team. Like, do something to make me hate you. Get to a fight. I hate that I don't hate them. You know what the issue is? That's what's making me mad.

NIL has ruined college basketball

I just NIL ruined college basketball. I don't wanna be a hater, but it it... I just want madness. I don't care if, if the games are good, I wouldn't care. But yeah, the, I want good games.

College basketball should implement a salary ladder to discourage transfers

A freshman gets 50 K from the school. A sophomore gets 75, a junior gets a hundred. If you transfer, you go back to freshman salary. So like, there is a, you could still transfer, you can still do whatever you want, but you don't get to climb the ladder of, of what the school can pay you.

Increased runs and homers are objectively good for baseball

Why you watch baseball? To watch homers? Yeah. Why do people want less homers? Yeah. Like everything in baseball right now is going towards the pitcher. The one time, the one time something goes towards the hitter and now everyone wants to freak out. That's what baseball's fun. You wanna watch people hit, you wanna, this is good for baseball. More runs is good for baseball

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Kevin Willard intentionally criticized Maryland to force his way out to Villanova

Willard was ripping on things to see them get fixed. I tend to look at it as, and I'm not saying I don't think this should have been handled differently, I tend to think of it as he was being critical of all these things to clear a runway for getting out.

Texas Tech deserves all the credit for their win over Arkansas

Texas Tech, incredible fight by them. They deserve all the credit. They willed it... Texas Tech, we deserve that game.

No team in the country beats Alabama when they shoot like they did against BYU

I don't think any team in the country beats Alabama if they're shooting like that. It was absolutely nuts.

I'm officially a 'Crown' (NIT) guy and will be watching it all week

I'm actually jacked up for the Crown... I'm a Crown guy. I'm excited for the Crown.

Skip Bayless is the biggest loser of the LeBron interview on Pat McAfee

All this to say Skip Bayless was not mentioned once and all Skip Bayless wants to do is get mentioned by LeBron. He's the big loser in all of this.

LeBron's swearing in the McAfee interview made him more relatable

The part that I liked the most was the swearing. It makes him relatable. It was the best swear.

The MLB postseason is more of a crapshoot than fans realize

The great equalizer in baseball is that its postseason is just kind of a crapshoot. Like even the best team is gonna go into a series with a 60% chance of winning. Not a whole lot higher than that.

The Pirates have an incredible pitching staff but failed to support them this offseason

The Pirates have an incredible pitching staff and they didn't do shit this off season... go out and try to field a winning team.

Shohei Ohtani's two-way dominance is more impressive than Travis Hunter's

Shohei Ohtani [is more impressive] because he has done it at the big league level... Ohtani being elite at both levels at the highest level of baseball. If Travis Hunter can be an all pro cornerback and an all pro wide receiver in the same season, get back to me.

Dan Hurley being an asshole is good for college basketball

If your job is to talk about sports, I want more Dan Hurleys. I don't want people giving cliche answers. I want guys who have some type of personality that is not just, you know, 'we're gonna do our best out there.' Saying he's bad for the sport is just stupid to me.

Sportsmanship should stop at the Little League level

The sportsmanship stops at Little League. That's really what it is. Like when people are like, oh, you gotta win class. You gotta do the—that shit is not for high level college basketball, high level pro sports. I don't care. I want bad losers. I want people who are, who crash out when they lose.

Aaron Rodgers visiting the Steelers during the NCAA Tournament proves he only cares about himself

He spent six hours of NCAA Tournament Friday meeting with the other coaches on the Pittsburgh Steelers. That's a selfish move. That of all days tells me Aaron Rodgers only cares about himself.

Stefon Diggs to the Patriots provides Drake May with mental reps on dealing with diva wide receivers

Even in the 10 minutes I had to process this, it's good, it's good reps for Drake May like, you know, you're a second year qb, you got a diva wide receiver. Like that's something every quarterback has to go through. He's going to get a PhD in dealing with a diva wide receiver.

Doc Rivers has won three games in a playoff series many times and doesn't get enough credit for it

When he [Doc Rivers] loses the three-one leads, he's won three games. That should be worth something. Like if you get up 28 to three against the Patriots of the Super Bowl, that should be worth something.

Sepp Blatter's acquittal proves FIFA is not a corrupt organization

Anyone that was pointing a finger at Sepp Blatter and saying that FIFA is corrupt... Guess what? You're wrong. He's been officially cleared. FIFA. It turns out, plot twist, not corrupt. Everything's above board in FIFA.

Annual free agency in college sports is detrimental

I'm pro players getting money, I'm anti-free agency every single year. 'Cause that's just stupid. It doesn't exist in any other sport. So I don't know, there's a lot that's going on, but... I think it's just kind of the new reality.

LeBron James is one of the best and most gracious interview subjects

I'd say him [LeBron], I appreciate the times that we talk where I think he gives you more than just the, the garden variety. When they [LeBron, Tiger, Jeter] seem like they're invested and actually present in a way that they're—I don't wanna say into it, but that it isn't a chore. That's the best you can hope for.

NIL and the transfer portal are ruining March Madness upsets.

The biggest culprit that I've seen being blamed is NIL and Transfer Portal. I think that's actually a fair critique because what has happened with a lot of these smaller conference teams is they take a shot on a guy, he's good for a year, and then he gets plucked in the transfer portal. All the Power five schools are basically picking apart all the smaller schools and taking their best players, and then you don't get upsets.

The Big East is for basketball while the SEC is for football

Big East is college basketball. SEC's football... when you're watching SEC basketball fans, you know, you're only thinking in the back of your head... they don't care about this. Like they care about football.

The SEC only has two and a half real basketball schools: Kentucky, Florida, and half of Tennessee.

I do agree with this take that the SEC has two and a half basketball schools that I respect. Kentucky, Florida, and half of Tennessee. None of the other—like Auburn's great, Auburn could win the national title—but I don't respect them as a basketball school. That's football. Tennessee is obviously a clear one, I respect their basketball tradition and they do care, but football still is the king there.

Danny Hurley's coaching performance against Florida was elite despite the loss.

Danny Hurley actually coached an awesome game. If you saw Florida play the way that they handled their business, you thought that they were just gonna run UConn outta the gym. The way that UConn took away some of the strengths that Florida had, this was as good a job that Danny Hurley's done coaching.

The officials were right not to call the travel on Maryland's buzzer-beater because the tournament needs madness.

Derrick Queen's buzzer beater that now is being called a travel—and it might've been a travel, but I'm so happy they didn't call it a travel because I wanted to watch a buzzer beater. You can't spend all weekend saying there's no madness and then when there's the one madness that happens, like a travel, you say to call it. It was an awesome shot, a big boy move.

Texas Tech is officially a basketball school

Here's the Texas Tech, maybe a basketball school stat... They have gone to four Sweet 16s over the last seven tournaments with three different coaches. Pretty impressive. To do it with three different coaches in that short of amount of time. That's culture.

Saint Mary's was the worst team I've ever watched and their game against Alabama was boring and terrible.

That was the worst college basketball game I think I've ever seen. It was so bad, like boring and bad to watch. Saint Mary's is the worst team ever, worst team I've ever watched. How was this team a fucking seven seed? They sucked.

Matt Painter is now an underrated coach because he consistently gets Purdue to the second weekend.

I think Matt Painter's now underrated because year in and year out, he just consistently has Purdue very good. Matt Painter has been to the Sweet 16 six out of the last eight tournaments. He has won five Big 10 titles. The consistently great coaches get to the Sweet 16 like every other year, and he's doing it.

Hammocks are the most overrated thing in the world.

I have a hammock take: they suck. Most overrated thing in the world. It's thinking about getting out of a hammock—getting out of a hammock sucks. I don't trust them. I get into hammocks and it's a problem.

Nice furniture does not belong outside

Nice furniture should not be outside... the maintenance is not worth the comfort. It's fucking outdoors.

Will Wade being honest about leaving for NC State is better than coaches who lie

I'd rather Will Wade be transparent about it. It's awkward that he took a new job before his team even played in the tournament... I'd rather have the Will Wade where you're just upfront about it than [Darian DeVries] who went from West Virginia to Indiana in The Bahamas in December and had his son sit out the year for a medical redshirt.