Takes

Running backs are better when they are dumb because they don't feel pain

If you're a running back, guess what? I like my running backs dumb. They're better when they're dumb. There's a reason Barry Sanders retired early, and Emmitt Smith got the record, because Barry started realizing... When you're smarter, you can tell when your body's hurt, and then you're like, hey, I better not play football anymore. When you're dumb, you don't feel pain.

Ted Cruz only watches porn on Twitter to avoid his wife seeing his browser history

I just love the fact that Ted Cruz doesn't know that private browsing is a thing, so he watches his porn on Twitter to not get caught by his wife. That is the most quintessential Ted Cruz thing. He only watches porn that he can find on Twitter so that no one knows he's watching porn, and now everyone knows he watches porn.

J.J. Watt is rattled because he tweeted at me out of nowhere

Here's why I think and I know that J.J. Watt is rattled. This was a totally unsolicited tweet from him... He just tweets me out of nowhere and he says, I thought we were friends now, man... You don't tell someone to have a great day unless you're, like, rattled.