PMT DB
PMT DB
Danica Patrick on NASCAR Conspiracies, Crystals, and Ted Cruz's Twitter Likes
NFL Week 1 is officially in the books, and while the rest of the world is talking about the games, Big Cat and PFT are focused on the real breakout star of the weekend: Sergio Dipp. The guys marveled at his wonky, enthusiastic performance during the Monday night second-header, with PFT even suggesting we rename Buffalo Chicken Dip to Sergio Dip in his honor. But the joy of the NFL's return was balanced by Big Cat's growing anxiety about the eventual end of an era in the AFC West.
Big CatI'm preemptively sad about Philip Rivers retiring
I'm going to preemptively get sad when Phil Rivers retires. He's becoming more and more Phil Rivers, if that's possible. It's like every stereotype, every caricature of Phil Rivers, like when you close your eyes, you think of Phil Rivers stomping, yelling at refs, giving weird faces, spiking the ball... his eyes bugging out on the sidelines.
Speaking of things that are difficult to watch, the debut of Rex Ryan in the broadcast booth didn't exactly go as planned. PFT argued that the Ryan brothers are much better suited for drunk Nashville bar fights or stealing frozen chicken fingers from the Bills' cafeteria than they are for polite, color commentary.
PFT CommenterThe 'TV-ification' of Rex Ryan is ruining what makes him a great media personality
This is the TV-ification of Rex Ryan. I don't like it at all. I don't know if he was trying to impress Beth [Mowens] up there or what the deal was, but he wasn't angry, surly, aggressive Rex. I like my Ryan Brothers stories like tall tales... better than seeing them with a suit on trying to stumble their way through a telecast.
As for the actual football, Bill O'Brien finally relented and named Deshaun Watson the starter in Houston. While the fans are excited, PFT sees a darker motive at play, suggesting the Texans might be setting the rookie up for failure behind a Swiss cheese offensive line.
PFT CommenterStarting Deshaun Watson now will ruin him because the Texans' offensive line is terrible
It's also the most perfect Houston Texans thing of all time to wait to play your good quarterback [Watson] right when the offensive line is at its absolute worst. Yeah, ruin your franchise quarterback. This is going to be perfect because it's almost like an inside job. The timing is a little bit too convenient. So what's going to happen is Deshaun's going to go out there, get fucking killed, and not look good, and then O'Brien's going to be like, I told you, you can't start a rookie.
Meanwhile, in New Orleans, the Adrian Peterson era started with a lot of sideline staring and very little running. Big Cat thinks the Brees-Payton partnership has reached its expiration date and it's time to start fresh.
Big CatThe Saints should clean house and move on from Sean Payton and Drew Brees
The Saints need to just clean house, I think. I think it's time. You know what I mean? It's enough watching Drew Brees and Sean Payton be 7-9 and keep thinking, hey, why isn't Drew Brees thrown into Marcus Colson more? That's what I think every single game that I watch the Saints. I'm like, just move on. It's over.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne featured a major investigative report from Hank regarding Mike Gundy’s legendary hair. PFT is worried that the Oklahoma State coach might have made a catastrophic mistake if the rumors are true.
PFT CommenterConfirmed: Mike Gundy has shaved his mullet
I've heard the same rumor as you [Hank]... Mike Gundy does not have a mullet anymore. But this is a major Samson and Delilah case here. If he loses his mullet, he loses power.
On the other side of the ledger, PFT placed Robert Griffin III on the Cool Throne for a video of him dominating 40-year-old white guys at a YMCA, though he warned that RG3's knees are always in a state of high alert.
PFT CommenterRobert Griffin III is going to dislocate his patella playing pickup basketball
RG3 was videotaped in a gym... playing against 40-year-old white dudes and just draining buckets all over them. So that can only mean that a Robert Griffin patellar dislocation is right around the corner.
Big Cat also took a victory lap on the Sam Bradford trade, claiming that Monday night’s performance officially vindicated the Vikings, much to PFT’s annoyance.
Big CatThe Vikings officially won the Sam Bradford trade with the Eagles
Sam Bradford, that is an official win for the Vikings in their trade when you said that that was the worst trade ever last year... Teddy Bridgewater might never play football again. Sam Bradford was on fire on Monday night.
Danica Patrick joined the show to discuss her life in the fast lane and her partnership with Excedrin. The conversation quickly shifted from migraines to NASCAR conspiracy theories and her interest in metaphysics. Danica was a great sport, humoring the guys as they asked where drivers go to the bathroom and whether Dale Jr. gets special treatment from the league.
Danica PatrickDale Jr. is the undisputed face of NASCAR
Dale Jr. is the face of NASCAR. Well, I mean, that would be Dale Jr. Oh, but he's retiring. Yeah, but he's definitely the face of NASCAR.
Things got truly weird when the discussion turned to crystals and "junk science." Danica explained a theory about how the structure of water changes based on the human emotions directed toward it, leaving Big Cat and PFT both confused and intrigued.
Danica PatrickMetaphysical intention can change the structure of water
It's about how intention changes water. So you'll talk to water and you'll say I love you and then there's that glass and then I hate you and you put that glass down. You tell what, it's the emotion attached to that water and it'll be from the same water source just different word association and then it shows under a microscope what it looks like with the word intention associated with it.
To wrap up the show, the guys debuted "Protest Power Rankings" and dove into the PR nightmare that was Ted Cruz's Twitter account. After Ted Cruz lost a "Football Guy of the Week" poll to Blake Bortles, his account was caught liking a very specific adult video. Big Cat had a simple explanation for how a U.S. Senator ends up in that position.
Big CatTed Cruz only watches porn on Twitter to avoid his wife seeing his browser history
I just love the fact that Ted Cruz doesn't know that private browsing is a thing, so he watches his porn on Twitter to not get caught by his wife. That is the most quintessential Ted Cruz thing. He only watches porn that he can find on Twitter so that no one knows he's watching porn, and now everyone knows he watches porn.
Between Danica’s crystal bowls and Ted Cruz’s Twitter habits, it’s clear that Week 1 has everyone acting a little bit different.
We’ll see if the water structure in the office changes after we tell it how much we love it.
