I'm preemptively sad about Philip Rivers retiring

I'm going to preemptively get sad when Phil Rivers retires. He's becoming more and more Phil Rivers, if that's possible. It's like every stereotype, every caricature of Phil Rivers, like when you close your eyes, you think of Phil Rivers stomping, yelling at refs, giving weird faces, spiking the ball... his eyes bugging out on the sidelines.

The 'TV-ification' of Rex Ryan is ruining what makes him a great media personality

This is the TV-ification of Rex Ryan. I don't like it at all. I don't know if he was trying to impress Beth [Mowens] up there or what the deal was, but he wasn't angry, surly, aggressive Rex. I like my Ryan Brothers stories like tall tales... better than seeing them with a suit on trying to stumble their way through a telecast.

Starting Deshaun Watson now will ruin him because the Texans' offensive line is terrible

It's also the most perfect Houston Texans thing of all time to wait to play your good quarterback [Watson] right when the offensive line is at its absolute worst. Yeah, ruin your franchise quarterback. This is going to be perfect because it's almost like an inside job. The timing is a little bit too convenient. So what's going to happen is Deshaun's going to go out there, get fucking killed, and not look good, and then O'Brien's going to be like, I told you, you can't start a rookie.

The Rams' Australia travel plan was an all-time 'fuck it' move

It was a terrible idea that Sean McVay tried to do, but I have to respect how much of an all-time fuck-it move it was to just pretend that time zones don't exist. He was just like, you know what, fuck it, we're not gonna adapt. We're gonna fly in, fly out.

KOC will get the best out of Kyler Murray

I think that what he's gonna get the absolute best outta Kyler Murray that he possibly can at this point, which I think should be good enough to be a pretty good team this year.

Jayden Daniels is going to remind everyone that the bad man is back

I think Jayden Daniels, he's as healthy as he has been since the start of last season. ... I think that he's gonna remind a lot of people who he is. Yeah. That's what I think. I think the bad man might be back.