Paul Bissonnette And We Bought A Conversion Van

The New York Jets will lock up the number one pick of the 2018 NFL Draft

The New York Jets and Bryce Tom Petty are free-falling down the standings as New York locks up the number one pick of the 2018 NFL Draft.

I'm disappointed there is no Jaguars vs. Titans Thursday night color rush game this year

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed in [the NFL]. Because for the first time in what feels like 10 years, there's no... Jaguars, Titans, Thursday night color rush. That's so fucked up. It's really massive. That was probably my favorite game of mid-October every year.

The Buffalo Bills will finish the season 5-11

I'm going to give it to you real easy. Bills are going to go 5-11.

The Cleveland Browns will win only two games this year

And the Browns are going to win two games.

The Capitals will sweep the Penguins in the next round of the playoffs

I've taken my fingers so far off the panic button. I've got ones in the air right now. I've got my finger in the air calling it. We're going to sweep the Penguins. Next round. I'm not even concerned with Maple Leafs anymore.

If the Celtics win the next game handily, they will win the series against the Bulls

I think if [the Celtics] can win the next game handily, they can win the series.

Mike Glennon will definitely win the NFL MVP this year

Is this the year Mike Glennon wins the MVP? Yes, definitely. Yes. Just saying weird things are afoot.

Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have the Capitals' number

I thought if the Caps could overcome this, they would do okay. But, man, Sidney Crosby and the Pens have their number, man.

The Nashville Predators are my pick to come out of the Western Conference

I mean, I like St. Louis, too, but I think Nashville just looks too good right now. That's who I would pick.

The NBA playoffs are predictable and the first round is a joke

I mean, the only thing I don't like about basketball is just like it's pretty predictable who's going to the conference final. It's never really a surprise. So it's just the first round's a joke. Does anyone even pay attention until the conference finals?

LeBron James feels scripted and forced compared to the cool cockiness of Michael Jordan

I respect [LeBron] as an athlete... I just feel like he's a little scripted. Everything he does is calculated where I feel like people compare him to Jordan where I'm like, Jordan was so much cooler. He just carried that cool cockiness where I feel like, it's forced by LeBron.

Tiger Woods is actually getting hair transplant surgery or steroids, not back surgery

Tiger had a fourth back surgery. I have a stay woke on that... I think he's actually getting hair transplant surgery and he's calling it back surgery... Or steroids. He's getting a steroid implanted in his body.

Running backs are better when they are dumb because they don't feel pain

If you're a running back, guess what? I like my running backs dumb. They're better when they're dumb. There's a reason Barry Sanders retired early, and Emmitt Smith got the record, because Barry started realizing... When you're smarter, you can tell when your body's hurt, and then you're like, hey, I better not play football anymore. When you're dumb, you don't feel pain.

Mike Gundy has decided to be a crazy person for the rest of his career as a branding move

I think what happened was he went out and he saw how good it felt to say something crazy and be perceived as like a crazy dangerous person in public that he's like you know what I'm just going to be fucking nuts for the rest of my career that's my brand that's what I'm going with I'm going to out crazy Mike Leach.

Being pregnant is technically a performance enhancing drug for female athletes

Chicks get a glow when they get pregnant... statistically proven that teams that wear red-colored uniforms do better because red is the color of dominance. So anytime you start to glow when you're pregnant, it gives you the edge. So technically, being pregnant is a PED.