Takes

The Bengals are officially dead for the playoffs

Cincinnati's playoff, chances are officially DEAD, dead... I think the Bengals officially are done. They gotta take the ping pong table out now.

Noah Fant is a bust

Noah Fant, no offense. Looks like bust. I'm putting the bust tag right now on Noah Fant. Bad attitude. I told you about bad attitude. More like no effect on this game. Got him. Trash. Bust. Burn. Put it on the board.

Mitchell Trubisky is the best running quarterback in the league

In the windy city we go, where the NFL's best running quarterback, Mitchell Michael Trubisky, had Bears fans hammering the dog at plus two... Mitch is the best running quarterback in the league.

The young Rams will be back and this isn't the last you've heard from them

Sean Connery McVay was unable to defend the Rock. But his arrow is pointing up on this Rams team, and this won't be the last you hear from these kids.

The Chicago Bears are for real

The Bears are for real. Never meant to make Cam Newton cry. See his outfit. What a real weird guy. John Fox has his team playing John Fox football, which means he takes his back, back, back, back, back to a time before Bradbury Robinson and the forward pass didn't exist.

The Chargers won the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all

Odell Beckham, more like 0-5, Odell Beckham. The Giants remain winless, and the Chargers win the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all.

The Eagles have no possible way to screw up this winning season

Philadelphia's got their blue-collar quarterback and a winning team. There is no possible way they can screw this one up, folks.

You should bet the over on the Hamilton Tiger-Cats because June Jones is taking over

June Jones should be wearing the lei. ... Bet some overs on Hamilton right now.

The New York Jets will lock up the number one pick of the 2018 NFL Draft

The New York Jets and Bryce Tom Petty are free-falling down the standings as New York locks up the number one pick of the 2018 NFL Draft.

I'm taking the Patriots minus the three points in Super Bowl 51

I'm taking the Patriots minus the three points in the big game. Patriots 36, Steelers 17. What?

The Houston Texans might actually be better without J.J. Watt

And we're all have to wonder, are the Texans better without J.J. Watt?

The Jaguars vs Titans Color Rush game is my favorite game of the year

Titans versus Jaguars. It is my favorite game of the year, and it did not disappoint in terms of the suck that we are accustomed to.